Tuesday, December 30, 2008
We had venison filet mignon, bacon-wrapped and everything. That alone would have been amazing enough, but we had beans (sauted in lemon juice and onions for that perfect "mmmmmmmmmhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm" taste), mashed potato casserole (that stuff melts in your mouth, lemme tell ya what), country ham (SALT. SALT. SALT.), and biscuits ("Better than Bojangle's. Fo'real."). And as if that wasn't enough to keep us moaning in glorious ecstasy for months, Mrs. Allen brought a wondrous homemade chocolate torte for dessert.
I had some more (of everything) a couple nights ago for a snack*. It was almost just as good as the first time.
I do not have pictures, because you'd all be drooling all over your keyboards and that's gross.
I do, however, have a very bad picture (courtesy of the webcam at night) of my new haircut, not like you haven't all seen it on Facebook by now, and not like it has anything to do with this post anyway. But that's ok.
*Note: Katie Beth's "snacks" are normally what anyone else would call "meals."
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
"What are we gonna DO?" asked Mary Asta.
"...Write a book," I said. As always. I'm very creative.
"Naawww!" said Mary Asta.
"Yes!" I said, having a stroke of brilliance. "Write us a story and we'll act it out for you!"
Her little face started to light up, but she was still dubious.
"Go ahead!" I said. "But you'd better go fast, cuz it's almost your bedtime!"
Mary Asta raced up stairs as fast as her little feet would take her. Soon she came back down with a paper and started asking us how to spell words. The culmination of her story is below. Spelling, plot holes, and all.
One day two gerbels. Two gerbils appear on the floor. We shall call one Hana and one Katie Beth. They have nibbly teeth. Thy were waaking along and one said Why don’t we have a party. "Why don't we have a party?" says one gerbil. The other thought that was a great idea. "I think that is a great idea!" says the other. Thy started to put up stremers The gerbils start to hang streamers. "But we can't reach the ceiling," the Katie Beth gerbil says. "No!" says the narrator. "You don't have a ceiling!" "Oh! We don't have a ceiling," say the Gerbils, displaying what are undoubtedly signs of an impending giggle fit. "What are we supposed to hang streamers on then?" "On your cage!" says the narrator. "Oh! On the cage!" say the Gerbils, giggling even more. "How are we supposed to be walking around in a cage?" giggles the Hana gerbil. what color will the be icing for the cake? "It will be purple," says the Katie Beth gerbil. It will be blue. "Oh! It will be blue." says the Katie Beth gerbil, and the two gerbils have another giggle fit. Then Thy started to make the bater. The gerbils go crazy making batter. But suddenly the bater exploded!!! "AAHHH!!!" shriek the gerbils, falling over. The narrator and her helper giggle insanely. Thy laughed and laughed The gerbils laugh a lot. but finely Thy cleaned it up. "Oh," says the Hana gerbil. "I don't like cleaning up." But they clean up anyway. Then Thy made the cake The gerbils stir the newly restored batter wildly. it was beautiful. "It's beautiful!" say the gerbils. Win it was done. Thy had a wonderful time. "They had a wonderful time!" said the narrator. The gerbils have a wonderful time.
After we finished Mary Asta's story, we had to write her and Lily Ava a story.
[Katie Beth's handwriting] Once upon a time there were two giant Japanese jelly bears. "You're the jelly bears," says the Hana narrator. They were very snazzy. "What does snazzy mean?" asked the Mary Asta bear. "It means… awesome looking," says the Katie Beth narrator. "…and glittery." The jelly bears begin jumping and racing around in circles. They had two pet people and they took them for walks every day. "Take your pets for walks!" say the narrators. The bears begin walking their pets.
On one of these walks the two bears and their pets came across a broken bicycle. The bears look down. "Oh!" said the bears. "Oh!" "There is a bike. What shall we do with it?" "What shall we do with it?" says the Mary Asta bear to the Lily Ava bear. "Ah we boofit?" said the Lily Ava bear. The Mary Asta bear does most of the talking since the Lily Ava bear has some problems with communication, notably annunciation. These jelly bears, by the way, were not married. The jelly bears, in their traditional Japanese kimonos with long pockets denoting singleness, giggle. One had pigtails. "That's you," says the Hana narrator to the Lily Ava bear. "No baids," says the Lily Ava bear. "No, braids," translates the Hana narrator for the benefit of the Katie Beth narrator. "We'd better change it to braids."
Suddenly the house exploded, as suggested by the Mary Asta bear before our drama begins. "What house?" asks the Mary Asta bear. "Uhh... THE house!" says the Katie Beth narrator. The jelly bears shriek, causing the narrators to cover their ears. "Wow," said the bears. "Wow!" say the bears. "I didn't know we had a house." "Me neither!" says the Mary Asta bear. The narrators have another unexpected giggle fit. But this did not solve the problem of the bike.
[Hana's handwriting] "I think we should jump up and down around the bike. Maybe that will fix it." One said to the other. "Oh!" said the bears, completely forgetting to relay this part of the drama in their excitement. They jump around.
Suddenly a great green gooey THING dropped out of the trees and scared them so silly that the Jelly bear with pigtails—"Braids," says the Hana narrator. "Braids," resumes the Katie Beth narrator—jumped into the arms of the other Jelly bear. The Jelly bears, who have acquired capitalization, look confused. "Lily Ava, you leap into Mary Asta's arms," says the Hana narrator. The Lily Ava bear gives an uncertain little hop, and the Mary Asta bear throws her arms around her. They squeak.
"That's my bicycle." Said the great green gooey THING! "I like it broken. Would you like some gerbils who bake cakes?"
[Katie Beth's handwriting] "Well sure!" said the Jelly Bears. "Sure!" say the Jelly Bears, who have finally acquired complete capitalization at the very end of our epic drama. And out jumped two cake-baking gerbils, armed with spoons and spatulas! Two gerbils who look suspiciously like narrators leap onto the stage. The Jelly Bears look confused and startled, but go along with it. "Hello!" they said, lifting the two Giant Jelly Bears into the air while the Jelly Bears' pets scampered off to their homelands. "Wait!" says the Mary Asta bear. She scampers off to the play kitchen and gets spoons and spatulas. "Hello!" they said again, lifting the two Giant Jelly Bears into the air while the Jelly Bears' pets scampered off to their homelands. "Hello!!!" say the narrator-gerbils, lifting the two Jelly Bears into the air. The Jelly Bears giggle loudly.
And so the Jelly Bears and the Gerbils lived happily ever after and ate cakes all day. "Do we have to keep holding them?" asks the Hana narrator. "No," says the Katie Beth narrator.
"Ha ha!" says the Katie Beth narrator as she transcribes the drama. "As I was typing it out I accidentally typed 'and they lived happily ever fater'."
"Oh the irony," said the Hana narrator. "I know what YOU think about eating cake!"
Monday, December 15, 2008
Shannon O: There's something wrong with us.
Shannon O: I need to go dunk my head in water or marshmallows or sometihng
Jesse: DIE!!!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jesse's new status: UNCONCERNED INC! NOW GIVING OUT FREE FIVE MINUTE TRIAL PERIODS! TEN DOLLARS PER MONTH NOW THROUGH THE END OF THIS YEAR! IM ME TODAY!
Hana: My ambiance has flown completely out the window! Shut up!
Patience: I'm going to call the polithe. Ring ring ring! We need you really.
Everyone else: *laughs*
Patience: We need you really MUCH!
Someone in my online lit class, regarding Oedipus: ...he just loses it and takes Jocasta's brochures and sticks them in his eyes until he can't see anymore.
KB: Why is there a bagel in a bag on the table?
Hana: Because I was going to feed it to the ducks. But there were no ducks. There was not even a hint of a duck! But there was a BLUE HERON like HALF A MILE away.
Shannon O: We need to create quotables tonight.
Links me to a picture showing a girl sprawling in quilts
Hana: she LOOKS like she was drowning in the blankets...but because blankets can't drown a person...
Emily: or CAN they??
Hana: Are you trying to tell me something I don't know?! This might be crucial to me getting through the night without dying!
Emily: i'm just sayin... wear floaties to bed.
Hana: O.O OK! Will DO.
Patience: *puts the Little Monster CD into the computer* *clicks randomly* Ith it even going to thtart?
KB: *goes over to help* I don't know. Does Little Monster even work?
Patience: Doeth Little Monthter even work! NAW! He'th LITTLE MONTHTER!
KB: Hi, chicken.
Patience: *with accompanying belly-dance moves* HelLOOOOO, little angel of my crew. *wiggle wiggle wiggle*
Anna: *singing* And it's dangerous to call the schoolmaster stupid. Cuz then he'll call you Rufus, and everyone will be like, "Rufus! Rufus!"
Genise: What do you do with a victim with a spinal injury?
Rose: You jump in and make the biggest splash you can!
Drew: And then you swim the butterfly to them! And then you grab their head and yank them to shore!
Genise: Uh, NO.
Drew: Ok, no. You slide in up to your neck, and go up to them like... like an anaconda!
Genise: I'm not even listening anymore.
Rose: But she's saying the right stuff now!
Drew: You swim up to them like an anaconda! *makes snakey motions* *eyes get all big*
KB: And then you BITE THEM!
Drew: No, no! Anacondas don't bite, they SQUEEEEZE the LIFE out of you!
Rose: ...and then Jon comes in, not even dressed...
Genise, Drew, and KB: *die laughing*
Rose: I look like a twelve-year-old with no eyebrows.
Drew: What about that picture?
Rose: Oh, yeah, I was pretty excited about that picture. I still look twelve, but at least I have eyebrows!
Watching the Morse Code scene in The Hunt For Red October:
Virginia: Hee! They couldn't just use EMAIL?
Patience: Katie Beth, I don't know what ta do.
KB: Ummm... write a book.
Patience: I don't know how to read.
Patience: Touch my hand.
KB: Uh... why? *gingerly touches her palm with one finger*
Patience: No, over here.
KB: *does* Why? ...Did you lick it?!
Patience: Uh huh!
After reading a blog entry:
Sunday, December 14, 2008
(Yes, I know it's Sunday. I had a lot of study Sundays in high school, and college is no different.)
So first I snapped a picture of my choker to put on Facebook. I can't decide if I like it better with more contrast or less.
Then I just went NUTS playing with blending modes.
(While we're loading pictures, how is it that I always see these giveaways from this wonderful woman AFTER they're over? My soul weeps at the thought that I COULD have had a CHANCE at winning Photoshop CS4. Even if I had known I wouldn't have gotten it, the soul weeps at the missed chance. What the heck. By the way, I'm addicted to her Confessions blog. Ree, you're welcome.)
Truly, I scare myself.
Then I decided I'd better do something normal before I went completely insane.
And finally, to redeem myself, I have cute siblings.
(I love little William's look of intense concentration.)
Now a question for you: Which one's your favorite? Least favorite?
Saturday, December 13, 2008
The mother is giving us soup for dinner. Again.
Soup is for sick people. Not one of us is sick. Not one of us could even pretend to pass for an invalid. I have a cough, but a little cough has never prevented my healthy American molars from chewing good beef.
And yet she continues to serve us soup. CHICKEN soup.
"But I have chicken," she says.
"Chicken shmicken," says I. I don't care if you ARE a chicken, I'm not sick and that stuff is NOT going to fill me up.
And don't you even start on that "If you don't like what she's serving make it yourself" nonsense. Here I am trying to train up my mother in the way she should go (and when she is old she will not depart from it) and I don't need any of your lip. You just stay out of how I want to raise my parents.
And for another thing...
She wouldn't let me Expound In Great Detail last night in the car. After making us suffer through 10 minutes of Mr. NPR explaining every single song in his nasally voice (she lets HIM expound but not me), because, and I quote, "But there might be more music!", a song finally came on of which I did not approve. The first two verses went something like this:
If I were a little swallow
With my little wings I'd fly
I'd sit by the side of my true love
Until the day I die
"But that's only one verse," you say. Why yes, yes it is. But they were both about the same, so that one counts for both.
In case you're wondering, there were more verses, but I mostly missed the rest because I was busy expounding (before I was rudely cut off in mid-expound).
So anyway, in the first verse he was a sparrow, and in the second he was a swallow, and I get the impression that both of these little flighted animals spend their lives in the same general manner.
Not only was the song sung badly, it was a very boring tune, and it was spent spouting either useless and untrue information about sparrows and swallows, or common knowledge information that any small child could find in a large cardboard book.
- The singer was not either a sparrow or a swallow or a feathered being of any kind, unless he wanted to wait until he met me in a dark alley, where I would have tarred and feathered him.
- We all know that little birdies fly with their little wings. Why do we need to hear it again, and in such tuneless fashion?
- Said little birdies do not sit by the sides of their true loves, until the day they die, unless they happen to have a sudden heart attack while in the nest, which is something that I doubt happens to birds very frequently, simply because they don't have to pay taxes and things like that.
That's what she gets for making soup all the time.
In other news...
Putting bacon in your eggs is weird. It's like crossing a pig and a chicken.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
The gist is that Catherine will not be directing New Moon due to time constraints. Summit's target date for New Moon is late 2009 or early 2010 (if you're quick, you'll realize that that's only about a year away), and Catherine is apparently unable to get a sequel out there in time. So she's out. So far I haven't heard anything about her resenting getting the boot, but I haven't looked real hard either. I mean, I'm sure she's not real thrilled, but until I hear otherwise, I'm going to assume it was a effectively a mutual decision and that there are no hard feelings.
So now Luchina Fisher of ABC News has written an article about this, in what is essentially yet another feminist temper tantrum--channeled through other female wanna-be gurus, yes--against a predominantly male industry. What bothers me is not that they're upset because they liked the movie. Rather, they're upset because Catherine is a woman.
Well, so what? You want to be treated like men, then you don't want to be treated like men. Make up your mind. Twilight is not the first series to have changed directors in the middle. Every James Bond movie since 1995 (and that's six, for anyone who's counting) has been made by a different director, with the exception of GoldenEye and Casino Royale, which were both directed by Martin Campbell. Daniel Craig starred in both the 2006 Casino Royale and the 2008 Quantum of Solace, but these movies had different directors. Nobody's pitchin' a hissy fit over that one.
There are rumors that Catherine was not fired because of time, but because she was "difficult" and "irrational" during Twilight. The commenter went on to say that, "That doesn't mean anything when you're talking about a filmmaker because they all are, but still..." So why bring it up? Not only did Nikki Finke quote it, but Fisher repeated it, adding that "...some industry watchers question whether Hardwicke was treated fairly."
Not one of these women would complain if a male director was fired for being ornery. In fact, they would probably applaud the one doing the firing for finally exhibing fairness in the film industry, or something like that. And I'm not saying Catherine was ornery. All the Twilight cast members seemed to genuinely enjoy working with her. But let's say for argument's sake that she was tough to work with, and that that's the real reason she won't be directing New Moon. So what? If feminists want to be treated like men, they need to stop complaining when their directors are fired for something they wouldn't mind a man being fired for.
But what if timing is the real reason? Nobody seems to believe that. Why not? A year--possibly less--is a quick timeline for a sequel. I could readily believe that Catherine would have trouble filming and completing a movie in that amount of time. With the actors she had and the high expectation she was under, maybe she wanted more time to perfect things. Why is that so hard to believe? These hyper-overreactive women are so sensitive to how they think they should be treated that they can't even consider a logical, non-prejudiced view of this industry.
Then again, what if Summit just didn't like the way the movie was done? That's ok too. That doesn't reflect in any way on Catherine; it just says they think it could be done better with another director. I have absolutely no problem with that.
And maybe it was prejudice and gender discrimination that led Summit to find a new and, hopefully, better director. I'm not denying that it happens. I'm just saying we shouldn't assume it. Hollywood ladies, look at the facts and the statements before you get your undies in a bunch with all kinds of assumptions and implications of blame that no one can or will prove.
Twilight wasn't the best movie I've ever seen. It could have been done so much better. So instead of worrying abaout the sequel and bashing Summit for letting Catherine go, let's just wait for New Moon and enjoy any positive changes that this new director creates, shall we? I for one am willing to take the chance. It's not like we have a choice.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
- I'm in the middle of finals. I have one more Psychology paper to do, and I'm not positive I did the other one well but I don't really have the time or the inclination to revise it. I also have the Psychology test. I have a very low 90 average in this class, and I really really want an A. Due Wednesday. Y'all know how I am about grades. I have a persuasive speech for Public Speaking, and I'm dreading it. I'm really worried about how I'm going to get good sources and visual aids for a speech on why guns should be allowed on campus, and my outline is due Tuesday. The speech is Saturday. I also have a low 90 average in THIS class. I'm basically done with Microeconomics, but, like I predicted but hoped wouldn't happen, the teacher uploaded one more test, available this Monday through Thursday. I was ready to take it earlier this week, but it wasn't up yet. One more thing piled on. I have a high 90's average in this class. I have one last English essay due Friday. I'm still not sure I get the whole citing thing for drama. I have a 99 average though, so I'm not worried. I have no idea when our math final is, but it's just one more thing to do.
- We have a mandatory in-service on Wednesday (same day Psych is due). It's basically a weed-out in-service, and if we're not perfect, we're fired. No joke. We have to swim the lifeguard 500 (ten laps, no stops, no floor-touching), tread water, no hands, for two minutes, go down feet first, go out from the wall and go down hands first, go down hands first, pick up the 10 lb. brick and swim it back to the other end of the pool, and take a written test. I swam the 500 last night and this afternoon, so I know I can do that, but I'm still (irrationally) afraid that I won't have enough energy to finish it. It also takes me absolutely forever, and even though we're not timed, most people in the world are better swimmers than me. About the test, I didn't certify at this Y, so we had a different book. I've never seen this book before. Everyone says it's easy and that the questions are mostly common-sense, but I still don't know what the questions ARE, and we have to get them all right. On top of all that, the boss emailed us and said to bring our certification cards for CPRO, First Aid, Lifeguarding, and Oxygen. I'm CPR/First Aid certified (not CPRO), but not oxygen. Our employment status is contingent on all of this.
- Lack of sleep. Worry about all of this is causing me to be exhausted and not sleep well. I'm also emotional. Of course.
- Peace, trust, faith, tranquility, etc. Non-worry. You get it.
- The ability to study well and know my material. All of it.
- Time to get all of this done.
- That all this work stuff will get worked out and that I'll be able to keep my job.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
So I had an epiphany (For dessert! And I keep mispelling both of those words.). I can't imagine why I didn't realize this before. All these years I could have saved myself just a little bit more angst (I'm an angsty person. I admit it.). I could have gone without just a little bit more squirming.
I don't like shapey foods. All foods have shapes, but some foods have abnormal shapes. The brussel sprouts revealed this to me tonight. I don't really mind brussel sprouts. In fact, when I was little, Daddy and I had great fun calling them "green toes" and grossing Mommy out. Daddy does NOT like brussel sprouts and Mommy does NOT like toes, so it worked out well.
Anyway, brussel sprouts never really bothered me, but they still... bothered me. I've never known why, but I feel sort of squirmy when I eat them. Tonight I realized why. They are abnormally shaped. They look like tiny cabbages. Miniature foods are abnormally shaped foods, and therefore, brussel sprouts make me squirm inside. And sometimes outside too.
This explains why gummy bears have always been sort of weird, and why those wheel-shaped noodles are unpalatable. I don't really like boxed mac'n'cheese anyway, but those wheel things are just weird. Also vegetable soup. Sorta goofy.
So now you know. And I guess more importantly, now I know, too.
Strangely, I never really minded those dinosaur gummy snack things, other than the fact that the sugar gives me a headache and the food coloring tastes funny. I'm sure there is significance hidden somewhere deep within this fact. I'll let you know.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
So here's the deal: I plan to write up a review, and I really want to post it, but I don't want to spoil anyone, and it WILL have spoilers. So what do y'all think? Should I post it and let people decide for themselves whether or not to scroll down? Or should I just write it and send it to any of you who ask for it?
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Dave: We only wear formals to weddings, funerals, and other sad events.
KB: Your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?
Mommy: Not enough.
VA: Deer season starts today.
David: Done been!
Nala: I love trees better then boys, because unlike with boys, you can tell which ones will hold you or not.
A conversation in texts. I was ordered to post it.
Ethan: why are you poking me?! I'm talking lol
Ethan: Because they...they...absorb sunlight through their hair
Nala: noooo silly ethan
Ethan: LET ME GUESS AGAIN
Ethan: Because they...grow fungus on the south side of their trunk? (or is it north?)
Nala: nooooo silly ethan give up?
Ethan: No Because they don't bleed to death when you cut a branch (arm) off?
Nala: noooo rofl
Ethan: Because trees suck water through their toes. that has to be it
Nala: I WISH...but no
Ethan: i give up
Nala: if you keep guessing you might get it ok I like trees better then boys because, unlike boys, you can always tell which trees are able to hold you without breaking any part of you eventually.
Rebecca: Y'all are hanging around me like flies!
KB: Maybe you stink.
Rebecca: Or I have sweet blood.
KB: *odd Twilight moment* o_O
VA: *comes in* NA NA NA NAAA--oh hi.
Jesse: I'm so tired. So cold. So hot.
Anna: You have such a truthful little mind, Katie Beth.
Patience: Do you know the phone number 4750?
KB: I do now.
Patience: I have ten toeth. I wath hoping I would have more than that.
Kyle: so my toe has an issue
KB: "an issue"?
KB: what is this "issue"?
Kyle: partially ingrown toenail again
Kyle: so it's partially infected
Kyle: so it partially hurts
KB: you really oughta get that checked out
Kyle: NEVER CARED FOR WHAT THEY DO
Kyle: NEVER CARED FOR WHAT THEY KNOW
KB: don't get it checked out :-P
Kyle: nah it's not bad like last time
Kyle: and the dr absolutely destroyed it when he "fixed it\"
KB: don't go back to him then
Kyle: and I had to wear a massive blood soaked bandage for weeks
KB: how much of this are you making up? I don't remember the massive blood soaked bandage
Kyle: I kept it on my toe
Kyle: I don't think you normally inspect those
Kyle: I'd hope atleast
Kyle: I just conducted a self op
KB: um, you showed your toe to EVERYBODY
Kyle: no blood
KB: and it made your mom shriek
KB: that was funny
KB: and you took a picture of it
KB: THAT was funny
Kyle: ok so I just cut off the side of my toenail
Kyle: with minor pain
Kyle: and no bleeding
Kyle: the dr couldn't seem to do that
KB: now it's gonna grow back weird
Kyle: So much pain I almost passed out, and that was after he had squirted lots of pain killer on my blood
Kyle: and he stuck needles DEEP into my toie
Kyle: unfortunately I cannot find my toe picture
KB: your mom deleted it off the camera
Kyle: no I had one online
Kyle: to show my internet peeps
Patience: Do thomething exthiting and I'll give you a chip.
Zach: *pats my head* You'll get better.
After giving a long list of all the ideas in my head:
VA: That guy looks like a bad guy in a movie. He's panning gold so he must be.
Shannon O: I'm falling apart before my very eyes
Shannon O: I love all people.
KB: *sits down across from Anna* Hi!
Anna: I don't feel safe with you there.
Shannon Y: Tell Genise she's on crack.
KB: Hey Pookums!
KB: Are you as svelte as svelte can be?!
Listening to "Lucky":
VA: Hey Mommy, you should play this at your funeral. I mean your anniversary!
Mommy: What, are you anxious?! I think you enjoyed the weekend with me away too much!
Derrick: With Rue My Heart is Laden (The KB friendly version) by AE Housman
With dew my pants are sodden
For golden spills not glad
For many a nickel begotten
An unfair trade I've had
By luck: An angry girl
I lament with embarassing shout
For paper towels I would unfurl
But O! Alas! I am out....
Derrick: well, whaddya think?
KB: and how odd that you should call me "Killer Bear:
Jon says my new name is "Killer Bee"
it has paper towels in it :-D
I don't know what to think when paper towels are involved
Derrick: BOUNYful praise
would be nice
I thought it was mighty Charmin
KB: Is [name removed] a citizen?
Ruby: Is he WHAT?
KB: A citizen!
Ruby: OH! I thought you said is he sexy! I was like, uhh, I dunno, I guess!
Nala: sorry, got distracted by Justin Timberlake in a leotard and tights and high-heels...
Daddy: Well aren't you just a little lord-a-leaping.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Seeing my mother--my own mother--putting Vitamin B12 drops into her tea or water or whatever strange concoction she had brewing caused me to have flashbacks of a disturbing nature. Small children with fear on their faces. A house in the dead of night. Shrieking. My grandmother jumping on the sofa. That last one was the kicker.
"What is THAT?" I asked. Don't doubt that my nose was already screwed up in anticipatory dislike. Droppers are weird.
"Oh, it's Vitamin B12," my parent said to me.
"No!" I screamed. "Don't do it!"
"What?!" said the poor woman.
"Stop!" I said. "That's VITAMIN B12! Don't you KNOW?"
"Um," she said.
"That's what made Marnie jump up and down!" I yelled.
"Oh..." she said. Comprehension is a liberal substance. It spreads like Elmer's and lights up the visage. It lit up my mother's now.
"WHAT made Marnie jump up and down?" asked Virginia, coming into the room at a bad time, as usual.
And so I told the story.
In the way of background for those members of my readership who aren't my sister (or my mother, for that matter), my cousins and I used to go to Marnie's house for Vacation Bible School every summer. We stayed for a week, went to said VBS, got homesick, ate Spaghettio's and Cocoa Puffs, fought over the colors of our dishes (which all had straws attached), went to the beach (Marnie lived across the street from Myrtle Beach), memorized Bible verses in exchange for candy and fame, watched The Stupids over and over and over again, and generally had a rollicking good time. We also frequently fell over backwards in the bar chairs ("Don't lean!" Marnie said, and we did. "You'll fall!" Marnie said, and we did. "I told you so," Marnie said, and she had.), and I was so scared of the painting on the wall--which, I'll admit, still sort of worries me--that Marnie had to cover it with a blanket. But most of this is beside the point.
The point is that we were there, at Marnie's house, for VBS. When we were very small, only Charlie and Josh and I would go. Charlie and Josh representing the Uncle Mike side of the family, I representing the Uncle David (aka Daddy) side. As Jesse and Virginia got older they were added to the collection, as was Cousin Bryant to represent the Aunt Andrea division. As Charlie and Josh had no other siblings, they had to make do with themselves.
Another exciting thing to do at Marnie's was to watch her take her vitamins. This was a Big Deal, because Marnie had many, many vitamins. Some people collect China. Some people collect hats. Some people just collect Chinese (ok, kidding). Marnie, apparently, collected vitamins. The most exciting part of the morning--possibly excluding Cocoa Puffs, but I doubt it--was watching Marnie fill her entire hand up with vitamins and take them all at once. We're talking ten or fifteen at once, I'm guessing. I think if someone tried to do that now I would be ready and waiting to do the Heimlich, but I was too small to do the Heimlich then, and I also didn't know what it was, so it's a good thing Marnie didn't die. We used to cheer her on with shouts of, "More! More!" until she insisted that she couldn't possibly do any more at once.
One night after Virginia was safely in bed upstairs (I don't remember if Jesse was there this particular summer, which was nine or ten years ago. I don't remember him, so he might have been at camp, but I'm too lazy to get up and find out.) Charlie and Josh and I were watching Marnie take her evening vitamins. This wasn't usually as exciting as the morning vitamins, I think because she didn't have nearly as many, but we watched anyway. This evening she took out a little bottle that we had never seen before.
"What's that?" we asked. Probably in chorus.
"It's vitamin B12," said Marnie. "It gives me LOTS of energy. You'd better watch out; I might go crazy!"
"Ha ha," we said. "It does not!" O, foolish words!
"It does!" said Marnie. "I just put some in my nose like this"--she put a bright red drop in each nostril--"and sniff"--she sniffed--"and in a few minutes I'll be FULL of energy!"
We were disbelieving in our youthful naivete, but never a trio to turn down even a hint of entertainment, we waited. Soon Marnie started bouncing, then hopping, then she was racing around the living room giggling at the top of her lungs.
"Ok!" she shrieked. "Hehe! I'm going to bed! Hehe! Goodnight!"
And she hopped off to bed.
We stared at each other in horror.
"Was that... was that real??" we asked each other.
Charlie said he didn't think it was real, but... it sure looked real.
"Whoops!" said Marnie, hopping out of her bedroom like a rabbit on crack. "Forgot this! Hehe! Goodnight!" And she jumped down the length of the sofa, grabbed whatever she had forgotten from the table, whizzed past us, and slammed her bedroom door in excitement.
"That was scary! I'm goin' to bed!" And we all raced up the stairs together, each trying to get away from downstairs as fast as possible.
I don't exactly remember what happened the next morning. I think we timidly asked Marnie if she was feeling ok last night, and she assured us she didn't remember anything out of the ordiary.
Our old friend, Comprehension, now dawned on Virginia's face.
"Was THAT what that was?" she said incredulously. "I remember hearing some shrieking and banging, but I didn't know what it was."
"That's what that was. It was SCARY," I said, shivering. "Mommy, don't take that stuff!"
"But that wasn't real!" said Mommy.
"Well, I know," I said. "But we didn't know that at the time. We sort of didn't think it was, but we weren't sure, and it was SCARY. THAT'S what matters."
"Come on, she was just playing with y'all!"
"Well I know that NOW, but we didn't THEN," I said.
And then she took the stuff.
I am scarred for life.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
So Noble tagged me list six random things about myself. Then I get to tag y'all. BUAHAHAHAHA.
1. I am currently sick and about to be really behind and panicky about psychology homework (which I despise).
2. I love the number 16, even though being 16 was not so fun.
3. I want to try pen and ink drawings.
4. I am terrified of failure (failure something like getting a B in a class, and anything worse).
5. I am not a spectacular photographer. ;-)
I now tag: Shannon, Hana, Grace Anne, Joy, and Clayton. Fire away!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
"Um, nothing, I think," I said.
"Do you want to be doing something?" she said.
So Jesse and I, along with Kyle, Kimberly, Kerr, and Caleb (I'm sure Jesse and Evan felt very insecure at being the only two there whose names didn't start with a "K" sound), went over to Karoline and Evan's new apartment on Wednesday night.
As we waited for the Three K's and The C to arrive, we sat in the very neat and tidy living room and talked. As we wandered from subject to subject, we eventually landed on teeth. Jesse had just had his bands changed (to bright red, which makes me laugh), so we discussed all of our various experiences with braces and/or wisdom teeth. Evan has had braces, Karoline has had her wisdom teeth removed, and I've had both, so there was much to ponder.
In the course of the discussion Evan's face suddenly lit up. "Karoline!" he said. "I've remembered something about this chair. I've remembered why the arm wiggles."
Karoline, though surprised, merely asked, "And why is that?"
"It was because when I got my braces, I slammed my fist into the arm of the chair repeatedly because I wanted something else to hurt more than me. That's why the arm wiggles."
And he wiggled the arm to demonstrate.
What with chair wiggling and things like Kimberly's statement that the boys "keep talking about my MOM", it was a very entertaining night.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Write your own I Am poem.
I am golden and ambitious
I wonder why some grapes have spots
I hear music on the wind
I see color calling my name
I want to impart enthusiasm
I am golden and ambitious
I pretend to be a frog
I feel Narnia's magic
I touch a puppy's fur
I worry about fear
I cry for the pain of my friends
I am golden and ambitious
I understand the symmetry of a parabola
I say God is true
I dream of Heroes and friends and cars
I try to excel
I hope for success
I am golden and ambitious
Monday, October 6, 2008
KB: Mommy? If a mouse... sleeps in a pan... does he call it a bedpan?
Mommy: I don't know.
KB: And more importantly, does he USE it as a bedpan?
Mommy: He probably does use it as a bedpan.
Virginia: If I slept in a flower garden, would I call it a flowerbed?
KB: Yes. But you call it that anyway.
Virginia: Oh yeah. TRUE.
Patience: Mommy, I will tell you the difference of trees and sheds.
Mommy: Ok, tell me.
Patience: You can NOT go in to trees, but you CAN go in to sheds.
Jesse: But sheds are made OUT of trees.
Mommy: That is true....
Jesse: Sheds are made out of trees, Patience, so a shed IS a tree, so you CAN go in a tree!
Patience: Uh uh!
Jesse: Uh huh!
Anna: Do you see the skunk? Maggie, do you see the skunk? Sincerely?
Virginia, very late at night: What are those things on TV that are short and advertise stuff?
KB: Umm, midgets?
Virginia: COMMERCIALS! I mean commercials!
KB: *dies* I thought you meant things IN commercials!
Virginia: No, Katie Beth. I was speaking of commercials.
Jenna and Simone: YOU'RE A LIFEGUARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KB: Man, my wrist really hurts.
VA: You need to go to the doctor.
KB: I do not need to go to the doctor!
VA: When you go to the doctor can you ask them to look at all the places that hurt on me?
Jesse: *shrieks and sticks his foot in my face as I'm coming out of the office*
Jesse: I was just attacking you on the street.
Patience: Katie Beth, I want to tell you thomething.
Patience: I can thtuff a whole cheethe thtick in my mouth.
Josh: What are you reading right now, Katie?
Josh: Have you watched the movie?
Josh: You GOTTA watch the movie.
KB: I don't wanna watch the movie!
Josh: I haven't watched the movie.
Derrick: you got me sick!
KB: A man is lying on his back, DEAD in the snow, PIERCED through the heart. But there is nothing there except a puddle. What killed him?
VA: Ummm.... a puddle of blood?
VA: Hannah Lee Georgeff? She's a puddle. [VA is a Facebook stalker.]
KB: No! Come on, what killed him?
VA: I don't know!
KB: What do YOU think, Mommy?
KB: A man is lying on his back in the snow, dead, pierced through the heart, but there's nothing there except a puddle. What killed him?
Mommy: An icicle. But I've heard that before.
KB: But Virginia hasn't. She doesn't get it.
VA: *blank look*
KB: See? She still doesn't get it.
KB: An ICICLE!
VA: OH! An ICICLE! I thought you said a BICYCLE!
Mommy: Ok, Anna. What are the four parts of speech you've learned so far?
KB: YELLING, SHOUTING, NOT WHISPERING, AND TALKING LOUD.
Mommy: Ok. Anna. Your turn.
Mommy: No, Anna.
Mommy: No, Anna.
Anna: BUT I NEED HUBERT!!!
Virginia: Do you know how you could make my test go faster?
Virginia: You could print it out for me.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Right now life consists of:
Visits: Lizzie was here two weekends ago, and Derrick came to church with us on Sunday.
Music: We had two two-hour gigs last weekend, one in Cary on Saturday and one in Wake Forest on Sunday. We had one on Thursday night at our church and we have one in Bracey, VA tomorrow night, one on Saturday night next week, and we have one on October 18th.
Work: I'm working at the Y every Friday night and Saturday morning, but tomorrow I'm working with the photographer. Music counts as work too. My math teacher asked if she could pass my name on to the tutoring center at school, so I may start tutoring math there.
Football games: Ethan's team is playing in Raleigh on October 31st. Who wants to come?
Art: YAY. I'm doing irises in art class right now. They're awesome. We did people before that and my person actually looks human and decent. I am mucho pleased.
Dance: Hip hop and clogging. I. Heart. Dance. I really miss swing dancing. I must needs find myself some semblance of a partner somewhere. Virginia's ok, but... she's a girl.
School: Oh yeah, school! I'm taking Precalculus Algebra, Principles of Microeconomics, General Psychology, Intro to Literature, and Public Speaking, and not one of them is hard. I'm kinda bored. I have more time for art and reading, though, which I am enjoying. I also have an interview on Monday with the admissions officer to the Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham. We'll see how radically she changes my ideas about what I take at the community college. The Art Institute is looking more and more attractive. Money could be a problem, but I'm not ready to start there yet, so we'll see what happens there too.
Books: I had a goal of 100 new books this year, but since Dracula will only be my 35th, I may have to settle for 50. Hopefully I'll be able to reach 50, and really, I'd be happy with that. I can never quite keep myself from rereading old favorites. I reread Northanger Abbey last week. I always forget how good Jane Austen's stuff is. I also read The Great Gatsby for the first time. I found it to be depraved and unexpectedly enjoyable. I'm really enjoying Dracula, but I don't read it at night. ;-)
Speaking of life and running, I need to shower and get to bed so I can get up inhumanly early tomorrow without dying. This is me, bouncin'.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Patience, lying on Virginia's back: Can you feel my heart beat? Can you feel it going around and around?
Maggie: Ew! That guy has long hair!
Anna: Who? The bald guy?
Nala: Grace says you are permitted to call her a genius
Jesse: Is the wedding tomorrow?
Katie Beth: It's Wednesday!
Jesse: Well what day is the wedding?
Katie Beth: Jesse, people don't have weddings in the middle of the week. That's bad. No one would come.
Jesse: Sounds like my kind of wedding.
Katie Beth: Anna, y'all were wide awake while I was in the shower, and then I came in and you were fast asleep!
Anna: Pretending to be fast asleep, you mean.
Katie Beth: Then why didn't you answer me?
Anna: Oh! Maybe I was asleep.
KB: Are y'all ready for fries back there?
Patience and Anna: Yes!
KB: I know for a fact y'all have not finished your burgers.
Jesse: Fries................. are a desert wasteland!
KB: .........*when nothing else is forthcoming* What?!
Jesse: They're dessert.
KB: Oh. DESSERT. .....Some dessert.
Jesse: Dessert is just something that comes after a meal, that tastes good, and is unhealthy.
KB: Oh. I was under the impression that dessert had to be sweet.
Jesse: No. It just has to taste good and be unhealthy.
KB: And come after a meal.
KB: Got it.
Patience: Will you help me find some rock [music]? And socks!
Mrs. Joyner: *holds up a big letter J* What things start with J?
Mrs. Joyner: Yes! What else? What about.... jelly?
Mrs. Joyner: No. O starts with o.
Mrs. Joyner: What's that, Abigail?
Abigail: I was thinking ham.
Mrs. Joyner: *holds up a big number 12* How many brothers did Joseph have?
Mrs. Joyner: Right! What number is this?
Abigail: THIRTY TWO!!!
Mrs. Joyner: No. Twelve.
Mrs. Joyner: And how many brothers did Joseph have, again?
Abigail: THIRTY TWO!!!
KB: ..........................There is wine on my toes. YOU. MATTHEW. CLEAN MY TOES.
Matthew: *does* I'll clean your feet any day.
Andrew, singing: Matthew is ugly
Matthew's ugly in the face
Yeah, Matthew is ugly
Matthew's ugly in the face
But that's not the only concentration
Matthew's ugly every place.
KB, watching the Olympics: Man, some of these women are BUFF.
Andrew: Yeah. They're all like, "I could beat you up." ...That's what they said to me.
Announcer: And Phelps wins by just a fingernail!!!
Andrew: Too bad that other guy cut his fingernails.
Lindsay: ...Awkward pants... *KB and Lindsay burst out laughing*
Andrew: Lindsay! Are you dying?!?!?
Andrew: I just need to make sure! Let me check!
Andrew: I just need to check! *comes over*
Andrew: *starts chest compressions*
Lindsay: Ahhh! Andrew! Stop!
KB: *dying of laughter* Andrew!
Andrew: Are you choking KB?!?!?!
KB: Hey, no!!
Andrew: Let me check! I just need to the Heimlich!
KB: I'm not choking!!!
Andrew: Just let me make sure!
Philip: *leaps through the doorway and lands with a resounding bang*
Uncle Chuck and Aunt Sonya: What are you doing?!
Aunt Sonya: Well STOP jumping!
Uncle Chuck: Philip, jump again. I wanna see you jump.
Announcer: ...and these unfortunate events...
Andrew: A series of unfortunate events? I hope so.
Josh: You like unfortunate events?
Andrew: Only when there's a series of them.
The boys come in from the outside showers in their towels. Katie Beth is on Andrew's bed using the computer.Josh beats Andrew to the bathroom.
Andrew: Jooooosh! Now I have to stand in front of Katie Beth in only my towel! Joooosh! I didn't wanna do that. I'm naked under my towel!
KB: Well, you know... I'm naked under my clothes.
Andrew: Well that is true... and I have a bracelet. So we're both sort of clothed.
KB: Yeah. And I don't have a bracelet.
Andrew: Yeah. So I guess we're about equally clothed.
KB and Andrew pass a store called Birthday Suits:
Andrew: THAT IS A BAD NAME.
Patience: We're playing tug-of-war! Tug-of-war people don't whine!
Derrick: :) I believe in your creepiness
Bee, in her sleep: *moan*..... *moan*.... *moan*... Well spoken. AUSTIN!!!
Andrew: Come in the water, Katie Beth!
KB: Nooo... I don't want to....
Andrew: Why not?!
KB: It's wet!
Andrew: No... no, it's not very wet. It's only a LITTLE wet.
KB: Is it less wet than yesterday?
Andrew: Yeah! It's slightly less wet than yesterday.
Virginia, watching the last event of the Decathlon: Oh, are they racing?
KB: ...What did you THINK they were doing?
Virginia: Well they were going so slow that I thought they were just jogging over to the place where it was. But they were taking a really long time.
Announcer: He literally fell apart in the last round.
Patience, watching water polo: You know what'th grothth? The MOTHQUITOETH on them.
Derrick: at the place I skydived in franklinton, the guy on the safety vid warning us we could die had the LONGEST beard I've ever seen in my life! You could write the Illiad on that thing!
Maggie, at lunch time: I can't wait for tomorrow morning!
KB: What happens tomorrow morning?
Maggie: I get to eat breakfast!!!
Andrew: Hey Mom! If... a gangster... shoots an ear of corn... has he then... popped corn?
Aunt Sonya: Ha. Ha. Ha....
Andrew: You know? Popped? Like shooting? Popcorn? Get it?
Aunt Sonya: I get it, Andrew....
Andrew: See how funny I am?!
King Cobra 03SVT [singing]: so I jacked the keys to your daddy's car
King Cobra 03SVT: and crashed that chevrolet, then stepped away
Raethlanel: we have been over this
King Cobra 03SVT: and stepped away
Raethlanel: you did that before too
King Cobra 03SVT: THEN STEPPED AWAY
Raethlanel: THEN STEP AWAY ALREADY
King Cobra 03SVT: I DID.
King Cobra 03SVT: | ________________ |
Raethlanel: ok, that was funny
Nala: Why do Gorillas have such big fingers?
me: I don't know
why do they? :-D
Shannon: Ummmm...to pick their noses?
Nala: because they have such big nosterals!
I was gonna SAY that!!!!
Shannon: ...I'm not sure I get it.
Shannon: Or did you spell nostrils wrong by accident?
Nala: I misspelled that
Nala: I got excited
Virginia: You know what's awkward? Standing on a bookshelf with no pants on and having it fall down.
Katie Beth: .........This was a dream, right?
Virginia: No, it happened at camp. In front of like a ZILLION people.
Raethlanel: quick, hide! The exterminator's here!
Raethlanel: run away!
Blazingstorm25: *jumps into the hole you dug while you were digging dirt*
Blazingstorm25: *makes whale noises as to avoid suspicion that there is a person in the hole*
Raethlanel: that's good
Raethlanel: they don't exterminate whales
Blazingstorm25: they better not
Blazingstorm25: I'll kick em
Rebecca: Katie Beth, you know that song that goes, "I just climbed out of a cottonwood twee, I was wunnin' fwom some honeybees." Until I heard it in the car I had always thought it said "I was wunnin' fwom somebody mean!"
Virginia, from the kitchen: I thought that until just NOW!
Katie Beth: VIRGINIA!
Mommy: *laughing* When she said "runnin' from honeybees" Virginia said "WHAT?!"
Nala: hop, girl, hop!
KB, singing at snack time: Do we have anything fa-bu-lous?
Maggie: *hands me the chocolate syrup* Here is something fabulous.