Quotables!

KB: Your head is so soft! How is your head so soft?
Si: Cuz I just got it on Tuesday!

Danielle's chair gets stuck

Danielle: Hey! What has occurred?! Why can't I move?!

VA: Donuts are like fat people on diets: empty on the inside, round on the outside.

KB: Patience was jumping around and screaming a few minutes ago because we got a postcard from you.
Tim: well, i try to keep the ladies jumping

Hana: What would happen... if I bought a nail-art pen?
KB: .....The world would stop spinning? Why are you asking me this?

Ellie: If I get scared of the dark will you protect me?
William: Yeeeaaah, that'th why I'm holding your hand!

Ellie: Will you be my knight in shining armor?
William: Pwobly. I don't know.

William trips while walking
Daddy: You ok there?
William: Yeah. It'th a little twicky.

Daddy has just told William about Wilbur Wright making the longest flight at the Wright Brothers Memorial:
William: Wheah ith he?
Daddy: Six feet under.
William thinks about this for a few minutes
William: Even dough he ith five feet undew, I thtill heaw him.
All of us: ............??

Bryant: We need some jet skis. Preferably seven, but one would be fine too.

William: I want my flip-flopth.
KB: I'm lookin', baby, hold your horses.
William: *mournfully* I don't have any hortheth.

KB: You know what happens when nature calls and you let it go to voicemail.
VA: ........I am using that!!

Matt: Mosquitoes bite me everywhere I go!
KB: They love you!
Matt: I know! I wish better insects were attracted to me, like... butterflies, and squirrels.

Grace: Katie Beth, I've been thinking... what would happen if someone's head... fell off in the deep end? Wouldn't that be weird??

William: Thtop doing that with only youw undewpantth on!

Eric: Sit.
KB: Do I have to?
Eric: What?
KB: You told me to sit.
Eric: No, I'm sitting.
KB: Oh. You were just speaking your action.
Eric: Yes. It was an onomatopoeia.

Dan: Look at her hair! It's just magnificent! Isn't it magnificent? It's like you have a fire... and then it flows down like a river.

Matt: He'd better not splash me, I'm pregnant!

Genise: Trevor, did you know that Matt's pregnant?
Trevor: Again?

Hana: I am SO GLAD we reinforced this cake.

Hana: *on the phone with Michael* I think a rhino would play the tuba.

Hana: It's probably going to burn....
KB: Oh, it's going to burn.
Hana: No no, the cake. Either that or it's going to be baby food.

Genise: Made it...i hd a small freak out on the landing but i made it....flying....not one of my favorite things......
KB: Lol... Welcome home!
Genise: I only doubted the pilot for a minute or so....
KB: Haha... poor guy.
Genise: I know......but gotta give him his props......he did awesome!!!!
KB: Props... I get it. ;-)
Genise: I dont....i made a joke and dont even get it

VA: YOUR profile pic has an awkward ponytail.

KB: whatever

KB: now your head is just a question mark

VA: just like in real life.

KB: your head is a question mark in real life?

VA: mostly.

VA: Suppose... just for argument's sake... that there is a male person in your biology class.....................

A YouTube video dies

VA: Nooooo don't die on me don't die doop doop doop......

Ashley: Where is the candy?! I feel like my life is a lie!

Ashley: Ped Xing. That means Pedestrian Crossing. I swear I just got that.

KB: Don't cheat on Projector with that box!

Josh: I already did. I cheated on Projector with Car. But then Car tried to cheat on me with Another Car. They tried to kiss while I was driving. I was like, "Hey, no making out while I'm driving!"

Door closes

Patience: Mommy'th getting dreththed with Toto in there!!

Little kids: *collective gasp of horror*

Door opens again, Toto comes out, door closes

Patience: Oh good.

Little kids: *collective sigh of relief*

Jesse comes in and puts his arm around me while I'm saying goodnight to William:
Jesse: Goodnight, honey. Your mother and I are so happy to have you back, after your long absence, at the Joneses, in Nantucket.

Patience: Virginia, you are thelfish, becauthe you thtole my rhinotheroth!
VA: I stole your rhinoceros?

Patience: Yeth! You THTOLE my RHINOTHEROTH!
VA: ...Oh... I don't... REMEMBER... doing that....

Patience: Um, you know, I don't WANT to, but, Rebecca told me to come back here and tell you you were thelfish, but I think it'th becauthe you thtole my rhinotheroth.

VA: ...Oh... ok....

Patience leaves

VA: *sticks her head out the door* Hey, just so we're clear, I didn't really steal your rhinoceros, did I?

Patience: Virginia! Do you really think I have a rhinotheroth?!

KB: btw, you work till 8 :P

still not too late, but lateish

Hana: I am subbing tomorrow morning, and then working until oh thanks

Eric: *lying upside down on the couch* You know what's weird?

KB: What?

Eric: How you can lie upside down...... and your eyelids still close normally..........

Eric: Girls are afraid of everything.

Genise: What?

Eric: I said girls are afraid of everything.

Genise: Oh. I thought you said roaches are afraid of heaven.

Looking at my earring

Matt: It's like a hula hoop for a mouse.

Josh: Tell leprosy girl she should be a veterinarian doctor.

KB: Why?

Josh: ...I don't know.

Eric: Genise has a squishy nose.

Genise: Squish it!

KB: I don't really want to squish your nose....

Genise: Squish my nose!!

Rebecca: We need some helium balloons.

Patience: *serenely* Yeth. Tho we can have partieth.

Patience: Thith houthe would be really fun if it were upthide down.

Quotables!

Mommy: What are you drawing? A pinecone, you said?
KB: .......I said a unicorn.........

KB: Did you know that there's a State Hermitage Museum in St. Petersburg? :-D
Hana: No way! You should go live there. :-D

VA: I have a new crush! *reading Facebook sidebar* Apparently he goes to my school, he is very handsome and funny, he dreams of me every night, longing to kiss me. Curious? Click!
KB: He goes to your school?......... It's William!!
VA: *happy face* Awww!!!!!

VA: Goodnight. I love you. *big kissy sound*
KB: *turns around* What??
VA: Not YOU. My guitar pick.
KB: Well I knew it wasn't me... I thought it was your laptop.

Alli: I only do dangerous things if they're not dangerous.

VA: You should hold up a sign that says "will text for food."

Katie: I think VA's gonna get to your house at like 2:30, so I probly will too

no point in me being there before her

Jackson: thats totally up to you

Katie: yeah, just wanted to let you know in case you were staring out the window hoping I'd be there soon :-P

Jackson: haha

Katie: "When is she gonna get here?! Where is she?! I miss her so much! Where is she?!"

Jackson: i'll make sure caleb knows then

haha

yes

those are my exact thoughts when you havent gotten ehre yet

Katie: I know

Jackson: ever second seems like a lifetime

and then

BAM

you're here

Katie: I'm sorry I put you through this torture

Jackson: and we're all ok

hakuna mattata

Anna: You're so SLENDER. And you're so CLEAN.

KB: There's a little man in a dress in our yard. Is that your wife?
Maggie: Ummmmm, I think that's Patience's wife. No wait, it is my wife. I forgot.

KB: I was gonna get free pizza with the president and everyone else at the whole school, but it was taking way too long, so Whitney bought some for me and Katrina from Mellow Mushroom.
VA: She bought you Katrina from Mellow Mushroom?? How rude... you might want to report that.
KB: While I admire your efforts at obfuscation, I stand by my syntax and defy your attempts to undermine it.
VA: Whatever.

VA: Oooohhhh, I am the laziest bum I know.

Mommy: I was going to say something to you, Virginia, but now I can't remember what it was... something in William's room reminded me of it.......... don't forget to go to work tomorrow.

VA: Thank you........

Mommy: That wasn't it though.

KB: Speaking of losing, I'm losing gallons of blood from my ankle right now.
Matt: Lol whatd u do?
KB: Cut it in the shower. It looked like someone had been murdered lol.
Matt: Just shows that showers r dangerous--take it easy on the cleanliness

KB: You're so cute.
William: No I don't!
KB: Yes you are!
William: Becauthe I don't want to be cute!
KB: .......I said you're so cute, and you said no I don't, and I said yes you are, and you said because... and that does not make any sense.
William: .......Do too!

Patience: *persecuted tones* I can't wait till I'm eight.
KB: Why?
Patience: Cauthe then everyone will thtop kiththing me.

KB: Hey Chicken? Do you know where all the staplers have gone?
William: Ugh! I don't LIKE dat thong!
KB: You don't like that song?
William: No! Even dough I have to go to a baffwoom! *runs out*

William: Maggie, it would be funny if Daddy glued ouw notheth to ouw cheekth and den we had to bweathe out of ouw moutheth. Ithn't dat twue?

Josh: If she were a chocolate bunny, like one that I received as a gift, I think she'd be the solid chocolate kind.

William: Mommy doethn't weally make me wash my disheth.
KB: Ok, you don't have to do it.
William: Tho pwoby you can.

Genise: *looking at a stack of items on the shelf at Belk* Man, you can't even buy this stuff anymore.
KB: You mean this stuff right here on the shelf...?
Genise: Shut up.

VA: Man, I've been drooling a lot lately.

VA: William was funny earlier. We were all in the living room and Patience was lying on the sofa in one of those sprawled-out positions and he licked her foot--
KB: What??
VA: --and I said, "William, don't do that! You don't know where her foot's been!" And he said... man, I forgot.

Later:
VA: Anyway, I said, "William, it could have been outside, or in dirt, or in dog poop..." and Patience said, "And I licked it mythelf."

VA: *talking about art class* Sea turtles are hard. It's hard to get the wings right.

KB: *flaps arms* Look, I'm flying!
VA: That doesn't prove anything.

Tim: Is Grace wearing pajamas or are those just the laciest shorts known to man?

Jordan: Matt, you look like a bug when you wear your goggles.
KB: Do I look like a bug when I wear his goggles?
Eric: No, you look more like a wildebeest.

Rebecca: I can't believe those flowers we got from the woods have lasted so long.
VA: Who are the Woods?

Anna: Our dog and the neighbors' dog are dating.
Tim: I don't think dogs date.
Anna: Ok, they're courting.

Kid: Two words: my turn, not yours.
KB: ...

Matt: They probably all got drunk on the way over.
KB and Trevor: What?
Matt: Do you know why I said that? I said it because I wanted to say "inebriated." Except I forgot to say it.

William: Would you like to know what I am having for thnack?
KB: Sure!
William: *opens hand* Kiththeth.
KB: Oooooo... *I* will give you some kisses....
William: NO. I already have thome kiththeth.

KB: Chubby, I hope you don't ever get fat, because then when we call you "Chubbo" it would be awkward.
Maggie: Oh, hee, yeah. I don't think I will.
KB: Even when you have a thousand midgets?.... In your one-room house in the woods? Where are you gonna put 'em all?
Maggie: Oh, I dunno... put 'em in a pile.

Zach: It looks like a cow, or like someone shot it with a bb gun.

Listening to an extremely repetitive and ambiguous soul song:
KB: WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS SONG???
VA: There's a fight. That's all I know.

During a conversation about swim lessons:
Marcus: You want some bacon?

Standing on the scale while eating a brownie:
KB: Oh dear. I lost a pound.
Daddy: I hate you.

Michael: I dunno, I don't play inside dummies.

Rebecca: You can't wear white to a wedding! It's common knowledge!
William: But Kimbewly did do it....
Rebecca: Yeah, but she was the one getting married.

An Open Letter

Dear Gum-Dropper,

Why do you leave your gum on the pool deck? Why would you chew gum at the pool anyway? Do you have any idea what's in that water? I won't go into detail for the sake of my other readers, but trust me, it's disgusting.

Is this some kind of punishment for when I make you (or your kids?) spit their gum out into my gloved hand before they get back in the water? They're probably your kids... I really want to think you're a kid yourself, but I don't think you are. I think you're an adult. And that disturbs me.

I would like to think that only kids would be immature enough to spit their gum out and smear it on the pool deck. I would like to think that only kids would leave their gum in the pool gutter. I would like to think that only kids would stick their gum to the benches. But I don't. I think it's you, Adult Gum-Dropper. Kids don't swim laps like you do. And kids probably wouldn't even bother putting it in the gutter. They'd probably just leave it in the water. That's still gross, but it's not as smeary that way.

I don't appreciate it, Gum-Dropper. I don't like taking the time to painstakingly scrape up your gum off of my pool deck. It's sticky. It's stringy. And the longer it stays there, the harder it gets.

And seriously? The gutter? WHY?

Sincerely,
Katie Beth (the Lifeguard)

Things I'm Learning Lately

God is pretty incredible. He provides for His children, and never stops. Even in those times when it seems like He's taking a break, He's not.

I've been reminded of this pretty forcibly in the last few weeks. I've been going to the Art Institute for three quarters now, and I'm about to start my fourth. I was able to transfer something like fifty-four credits from Vance-Granville, which saved me more money than I could believe. Since I started school at AI in August, I've been debt-free. I've been paying for everything out-of-pocket. I couldn't keep that up on my own forever though, and I was really starting to stress about money stuff through the last couple of quarters. I'm terrified of loans, and don't want to start down that road, but I also want to graduate in a reasonable amount of time.

I honestly wasn't sure if I was going to be able to pay for this next upcoming quarter. Tuition is due on March 1st, and I was barely scraping by. I wasn't sure what to do. I could take a quarter off and work (not recommended), or drop a class, and have to pay more per credit hour because I would no longer be a full-time student.

Right as I started to really worry about this, paying jobs started dropping into my lap, seemingly from nowhere. I became a certified lifeguard instructor, which opened up more opportunities for hours and higher pay at work, in addition to the "random" (nothing is random with God) raise that I got at the end of the year. I've been able to continue teaching two swim classes, along with guarding and teaching the lifeguard class. My co-instructor also teaches swim lessons, and we tag-team our lessons and classroom material to maximize the time for both of us.

A few weeks ago I got an email from a couple in Wake Forest, asking to meet with me about babysitting their twins. I haven't watched the twins yet (I was going to a couple weeks ago but one of them got sick), but I have that job waiting for me whenever the couple decides to go out.

Last week a woman called me, saying she was in a pinch and could I watch her two-year-old for her the next day? She had gotten my name from a friend that one of my friends babysits for. When she got back from her appointment she asked me to watch him again this week.

Earlier this week I was blessed to be able to stay with the 102-year-old aunt of another friend, 15 minutes from school, for the majority of the day. I also taught a violin lesson this morning.

My tuition is due in four days. With all the extra jobs I've been blessed with in the past month or so, plus the money my family gave me, it looks like I'm going to have enough to cover the full amount and still have enough left to print the projects I have due next week. It's incredible, and humanly speaking, should not have been possible.

As if that's not amazing enough, even with the insane amount of working I've done just this week (staying with Aunt Mable, babysitting, working four days at the Y, and going to school three days), I've gotten all of my homework done (which was really stressing me out), with time left over for a run yesterday and another workout tomorrow morning. When I started this week I didn't think there could possibly be enough time for everything I had to do, but God has provided yet again, and I'm not even worried at this point.

We often take God for granted. From now on, when life's a little rough, maybe we should stop and think about why it's not rougher than it is. I'm constantly amazed by just how efficiently He works out my life. He is in control, and He is good. Amen.

Quotables!

Maggie: *watching me frame a picture* I'm hugging that in my heart.

William: If you put fwieth on a chicken you will have fwied chicken!

William: Katie Beth liveth at home, and Katie Beth liveth at wowk, and Katie Beth liveth at thchool.
KB: Haha! That is so true.

Kyle: Speaking of fail...why do roaches need wings >:0
KB: Good question... I have never seen one fly....
Kyle: One just flew down near me in my rest room. It was a moment of unrest for me. I hozed him down with roach killer and it quickly became his moment of unrest.

Genise: So, Josh... what would you do if you were attacked by a shark with no teeth?
Josh: ....I think I'd probably wanna hug it. I mean, it would kinda feel like it was nuzzling me. It would probably be a pretty good massage.

David: FLINCH! Stop being more of a man than me!

Patience: Um, blue and brown and black do not go together.
Tim: I don't have a Bible for every outfit!

William: Get up offa that thing, ouch! Shake it you'll feel bettah!

VA's status: I love how "break" really means working like crazy to catch up on all the school you procrastinated all quarter. "You" is hypothetical, of course...
Caleb: true......
KB: There are actually times when I don't miss highschool.
KB: Oh, and since when do you have quarters? Copycat.
VA: What? It is a quarter. Hence the "break".
KB: ...It is not a quarter.
VA: Then what is it??
KB: It is a semester. And yes it matters, because *I* have quarters and you have semesters and hence my schedule is more differenter than yours.
VA: Well I can't say "all semester" because it hasn't *been* all semester yet. And anyway, I'm homeschooled. How am I supposed to know these things?
KB: You can too say "all semester," meaning "the part of the semester that I have completed heretofore." The fact that you're homeschooled is EXACTLY why you should know these things. :-P
VA: How much wood... would a wood chuck chuck.... if a wood chuck could chuck wood? I think I've made my point.
KB: Oh my gosh. Most perfect response ever, hands down. There is only one way I can adequately reply to that.... *makes the Face That Is Appropriate For All Occasions*
KB: *sisterly fist bump*
VA: End of convo.

Kid in swim lessons: Mr. Jeff! Mr. Jeff! Mr. Jeff! I can say "meow" under the water!
Jeff: *doesn't hear*
Kid: Mr. Jeff! Mr. Jeff!

Grace: So Katie Beth, you've never seen "How to Train Your Dragon" before?
KB: Nope!
Grace: You're gonna love it! IT LOOKS LIKE A CAT!

Phillip: Whenever you get out of swim lessons you always look like you just came back from the Arctic.

Anna: Has Daddy ever had any other jobs that you know of?
KB: Yeah. He was in the Navy.
Anna: I mean other than flying.
KB: When he was a teenager worked at a gas station.
Maggie, Anna, and Patience: *GASP*
Anna: Was he a gangster??

KB: Has Pookums returned to us from afar?
VA: He has. He smells weird and is cranky.

Overheard:
William: I weally don't want to do a thecwet mission.

Patience: You're wearing Chrithtmath pantth.
KB: They're not Christmas pants!
Patience: They have red on them.
KB: So? Just because someone wears red doesn't mean they're celebrating Christmas! Sometimes my face has red on it. Do you think that means my face celebrates Christmas all the time?
Patience: Your hair ith. *quiet for a little bit* Your fathe ith red becauth you get thunburn. Apparently the thun thelebratheth Chrithtmath all the time.

Nick: *stares at the hole where the trash can's supposed to go* Well that's not a convenient hole.

Camp kid 1: How old are you?
KB: Guess!
Camp kid 2: FORTY!
Camp kid 3: THIRTEEN!

KB: Hey William, what's the name of your bunny again?
William: Um... I don't know.
KB: *trying to give hints because he can never remember* Doesn't it rhyme with... 'oody' or something? [The rabbit's name is "Trudi Rudi."]
William: Oh, yeah. Ooty Booty.

Rebecca: I've been getting headaches when I look at things close.
KB: How close?
Rebecca: Well, I was looking at my nose....

Playing cards:
KB: *looking at my hand* Oh, this is such a confusing hand. My soul is so conflicted.
Philip: I'm sorry you're conflicted. You can have a banana if you want.

Hana: I was in the bathroom and I checked my phone and I thought, "That's weird. Why don't I have any texts from Katie Beth? I usually have a text from Katie Beth by nine-thirty!" Then I realized, "...Oh. Because she's sleeping in the other room." I felt smart.

Michael: It smells like girl in here.

Talking about what kind of tattoo Brianne would probably suggest:
Patrick: You're probably gonna say something really descriptive. It'll be like "a bulldog giving birth."
Brianne: Haha, WHAT??
Patrick: I dunno, it's just the first thing that came to my mind.

During Harry Potter:
Timmy: I am the lonely nerd forever. With these glasses, I bear loneliness.

John: i want to distract you for a minute or 5

Katie: you're gonna distract me from Bonquiqui?!?!?

John: hm

that does seem... yes, yes, i am

Becca: When the new Chik-Fil-A opens I get to sing the National Anthem.
Lindsay: That's cool. Do you get to stand up on the thing in the middle? Where they have the salt and pepper?

Overheard:
Virginia, angrily: I probably have the cleanest ears in the family! I clean them out every day!

Anna: William, you're sick. I think you have the dying disease.
William: *skeptically* I don't FEEEEEEEEEEL like dyin'.
Anna: But William, you're sick! You've already died three times in the last two weeks!

KB: Virginia, how can you wear size 3 of pantaloons and I wear size 5 and we're the same?
VA: Well I guess we're not the same cuz they fit me perfectly.
KB: You have a muffin top, don't you.
VA: No!
KB: Yes you do!! You ha--
VA: PERHAPS.

VA: Maybe it's cuz I have less hips than you.
KB: FEWER hips, Virginia.

Amp: I feel like I just walked into Willy Wonka's factory and ate all the candy in the world and married an Oompa Loompa.

Nic: I don't know the names of any professional football players except Michael Jordan.

Daddy: That's the shirt you're wearing to church?
William: Uh huh!
Daddy: Well that's... interesting....
William: *reassuringly* But it hath a pooooooocket.

Teaching swim lessons:
KB: Ok y'all, I'm gonna give you a break and we're gonna do some fins.
Mia: I LOVE YOU!!!!!

VA: Ok William, you ready to read "My Little Book of Sharing"?
KB: Virginia, I thought you said "My Little Book of Shame."
VA: I WROTE The Book of Shame.

Editing the stick figure self-portrait of me in the head guard report:
KB: Am I keeping the shorts?
David: No, erase those too.
KB: They're on there pretty good....
David: They're shorts, they should come right off.

VA: Anna, stop talking nonsense!
Anna: It's not nonsense, it's... Larry Boy!
VA: NONSENSE.

Patience: I know something you don't know.
KB: And what is that?
Patience: I'm not going to tell you.

Mommy: Santa doesn't come unless all the little kids are in bed!
Maggie: Santa doesn't come ANYWAY.

William: Did dey have Toy Thtowy?
KB: Yes they did!
William: Did you GET Toy Thtowy?
KB: Yes I did!
William: Did you bwing it HOME?
KB: Yes I did!
William: Ah we gonna WATCH it?
KB: Yes we are!
William: Ooohhh good! I LOVE dat movie!
KB: How would you know? You've never seen it!
William: Yeth I have! I have it on my undewpantth.

KB: What did you give Emma for her birthday?
Si: ...................................Um............................ *thinking really hard*.......................................Um...............................................................
KB: You don't remember?
Si: *suddenly remembers* Something I didn't buy. My mom got it in Savannah. I had no idea she even had it.

David: Go to bed! I have work tomorrow.

Jordan: um… so a spider just crawled out of this customer's computer

that's not okay

Nic: There are the guys that you can't smell at all, and the guys that stink, and the guys that use too much cologne.
VA: .................And then there are the guys that are juuuuuuust right.

William: *sticks his tongue out*
Rebecca: Hey, be nice!
William: Can I peathe thtick my tongue out at you?

Mi casa es NO su casa

I don't make New Years resolutions. I just wanted to throw that out there at the beginning, in case you thought reviving the blog was one of them. I didn't make resolutions to NOT make resolutions (which would be counterproductive), of course, I just don't make resolutions because I think they're silly and pointless and why do you have to resolve at the beginning of the year? If you want to change something, why don't you just DO it?

That being said, I had a Facebook poll a couple days ago on whether I should get back into blogging, and eight whole people responded--six in the affirmative, two with smart remarks--so I'm taking that as a good sign. It's late at night, I'm heading into what promises to be a hectic week, and my fingers are cold, which makes it just like old times. A great time for dusting off blogs, if you ask me.

By the way, is it weird to talk about Facebook on your blog?

Anyhoo, so I have a life now. It's weird, I know, and completely out of character, but I'm having fun with it. Even when I'm by myself I manage to keep myself entertained. Last night I went to a pig pickin'/jam session (I guess I could just call it a "pickin'") with my family and our bluegrass friends. I had to drive separately because I didn't get off work until after the thing was supposed to start.

We all know I'm directionally challenged, so Daddy left me a voicemail with the exact address so I could put it in my GPS (which he kindly gave me for Christmas last year, so I could stop using his), and pretty clear driving directions just in case the GPS wasn't good enough (always a possibility).

I followed the GPS out into the country, and the GPS and Daddy's directions matched up, so I wasn't worried. Eventually the little computer voice said, "Arriving at destination, on left." I thought I remembered Daddy saying it was on the right, but I couldn't remember for sure, so I passed it, looking around for anywhere with a bunch of cars. I didn't really see any, so I turned around and double-checked that the little sign I'd passed had the right address on it. It did, so I turned into the driveway.

It was a long driveway, but I knew Daddy had said something about "the first house right on the road, and another one off the road," and "you don't want the first one, you want the second one." So I kept driving. I passed one or two unoccupied-looking or at least unparty-fied-looking, so I kept going until I came to the third one, which had lights on and eight or ten cars parked in the yard, including a big white van. I figured it must be the place, so I pulled up in an empty spot and parked.

As I was getting out, a guy about my age walked by and said, "Hey" as he got something out of the truck next to me. Then he walked back toward the house, and I followed him. We walked up the porch steps, past a smoking pig-cooker, and he held the door open for me to go inside.

There were about five or ten seconds of complete silence as I stared at them and they stared at me. And I stared at them and they stared at me some more. I was pretty sure I had never been to a pig pickin' or a jam session that consisted of about eight college-age guys and three girls. The confusion was clearly mounting on their part and the hilarity of the situation on mine, and I thought I'd better say something before I lost control and broke down laughing in this mystery kitchen.

"So... wrong house?" I said.

"....Think so...." they said.

"Huh. I saw all the cars and a white van like my family's, and I thought this was the right place..." I mused, mostly to myself.

"The Budweiser van?" said a guy who seemed to own the place. Whaddya know, it was a Budweiser van, now that I looked at it.

"Huh," I said again.

It was getting funnier by the second, and the girls started to giggle, which didn't help my composure any. Two more minutes in there and I would have gone into hysterics and not stopped laughing for weeks.

To avoid that embarrassing ending to what was an otherwise chummy meeting, I made my way back to the door.

"Well, I'll see y'all later," I said. "Oh, do you know which house is 3932?" I asked the guy, who had kindly followed me the four feet to the door to see me out.

He poked his head out the door and looked around like he expected it to materialize in the yard. "I ain't got a clue," he finally said. That was obvious to all present by then, but it was nice of him to make an effort.

"Aight, well, thanks!" I said, and I left. Then I called Daddy and asked him where the heck WAS this place and which side of the road did he say it was on? Turns out the number actually went with a different house (no kidding), which was across the street from the place I was supposed to be. I didn't tell him about my adventure. I was still giggling too much to be able to tell it anything like calmly, which was a good call, because when I tried to tell it to Virginia later that night I laughed so hard I actually did go into hysterics, and so did she, and I could barely finish the story.

I guess it would be embarrassing if I thought I'd ever see those people again, but even if I did, I don't think I'd recognize them. I bet they'd recognize me, though, and if they ever do, I hope they won't try to save my feelings. I can only imagine what was going through their heads when I appeared in their kitchen, and I hope they'll mention it, even if the laughing incapacitates me for a month.