Sunday, May 30, 2010


KB: So you got a bead stuck up your nose, huh?
William: *nods*
KB: Is it a big one?
William: No, it a yittle one. *seriously* But it have a heart on it.

KB: So uh, how did you get that bead up your nose?
William: I atendin' it wath a boogew!

Patience: *sits down with her pizza in front of the TV*
William: Heeeyyy, I wath donna thit wight dewe!
Patience: Unh, but William...!
Anna: Well he was.
Patience: But...!
Anna: And William, why don't you just go get your food?
William: No! Mommy ith dettin' it wight now! *with an attitude* How 'bout YOU det me my food?!

KB: Does that make you happy?
Chich: Yes. It makes my insides tingle.

You know those guys with muscles on top of their muscles?
KB: Yeah.
Kalyn: Well it's like he has that, but only the ones on top.

KB: That's not gonna work....
Mark: Believe!!

KB: Ok, go wash your hands before dinner.
William: No.
KB: Yes. Go wash your hands.
William: No.
KB: I will spank you if you don't wash your hands.
William: I gueth I will wash my handth.

VA: You know, it's pretty impressive that some guys have a six pack, like really nice abs, cuz they usually have good UPPER body strength, not tummy strength... so some of them could have babies.

Kid at jam session: So do you go to college?
VA, completely mishearing: ...I don't know....
Kid: *awkward silence*

Patience, dressing William: He won't let me put hith shirt on. He wantth to pretend to be The Incredible Hulk.

William: *grabs Patience's arm*
Patience: Incredible Hulk? I am a thientitht. I can beat you with great poithonth.

VA: *hums the first line of Big Girls Don't Cry*
KB: *does the same a few minutes later and then realizes it* Argg! I hate you!
VA: HA HA. I love me! *drops food* Argg! I hate me!

At naptime:
William: Wait! Tan I be a fiweman? PEEAAATHE?
Mommy: *exasperated* A fireman who takes a nap. Come on!

VA: *sees me looking at her* What?
KB: WHY do you have class?
VA: Uh... why?
KB: I wanted you to braid my hair.
VA: Well I'm doing homework right now. And then I have to shower. And then I have class.................................................. But I MIGHT have time later if you stop making that face.

KB: Maggie, isn't Rebecca the weirdest person you've ever met?
Maggie: Yeah!
Rebecca: Cuz you haven't met youwself!
KB: Rebecca, I think she knows herself.
Rebecca: But she hasn't MET hewself!
KB: Maggie, shake your hand and introduce yourself to you.
Maggie: *shakes her hands*
KB: Introduce yourself!
Maggie: Hello! My name is Maggie. Oh! Hello. It's good to meet you.
KB: NOW isn't Rebecca the weirdest person you've ever met?
Maggie: Um. I think it's a tie.

Talking about how eggs don't come from bunnies, so what's up with the Easter Bunny?
Patrick: All holiday mammals lay eggs.

Patrick: Zombies deeeeeeeeeeefinitely lay jack o' lanterns. I know that for a FACT.

Hana: Have I ever told you what nice teeth you have? The bite marks in my bunny are perfectly lovely. :-D

Brianne: Ok Katie Beth, I got Max to come in for me from five to nine. I told him he'd be working with you and Lauren and he said, "Ugh, the smart girls. They'll probably have me doing algebra and stuff."

Kyle: Apparently kerr saw a transformer the other day
KB: Optimus Prime?
Kyle: He said a sherriff was following him then he turned into a gas station

Anna: You tickled me with your eyes!

Nala: you like licking your face a lot
Katie: it's a curse


Jackson: She's a redheaded lifeguard. She will EAT you.

Patience: *points at a purple sticky note up at the top of the door* Gueth how I got that up there.
KB: Um................. a chair?
Patience: *exasperated sigh* EVERYBODY guetheth that! And it'th RIGHT! And you and Virginia are the only oneth who have guethed.

What is your wife going to say about all this?
Jordan: "lol, you're awesome, honey. So funny, and so good looking, too! I am truly the luckiest woman ever to have found such a stud. Come, let us return to passionate kissing."
Something along those lines.
KB: I'm floored. Honestly.
Jordan: Just add that to the list of reasons you + me = no.

KB: Jesse just told me that while I was at the gym yesterday running miles galore and doing all that exciting stuff, he started a factory, made a really long pole, bought NASA, flew to the moon, and used the really long pole to move the earth, like Archimedes.
Mommy: Oh, yeah. Well you were gone a really long time.

KB: Did y'all use up all the cheese?
VA: No. Actually I think it's still in the living room.
KB: o_O?

Daddy: *hands me a frappuccino* The whipped cream was a little suspect.
KB: ...Does that mean it's gonna poison me??
Daddy: I hope not.

Nala: I like the pink
okay, time for another stickie
Katie: you WOULD use pink for me
Nala: :-D
Nala: Pink = hott
KB = hott
Katie: yeah, as in it burns your eyes :-P
kinda like my hair
but in a clashy sort of way
Nala: therefore KB = Pink
Katie: (not classy)
no no NO
Nala: :-D
don't you LOVE my logic?!
(and that needs to be in quotables)

KB: Hush.
Josh: why? haha
KB: Cuz I said so and I'm an oldest child and I'm used to getting my way! :-P
Josh: katie.. you've known me for almost 2 years.... when do i ever listen to what i'm told? haha
KB: Uh huh. And when do I not get my way? (Hint: not often.)
Josh: i wouldn't know... but again... my not listenin happens a lot more than you gettin your way haha
KB: Actually, you probably just don't notice me getting my way because you're not listening. ;-)
Josh: thats a possibility. we'll never know haha

Max: I am enraged.

VA: You see Katie Beth, you and I are like exact opposites. You have all these people that come up to you and say, "Hi! Will you be my friend?" and you say, "NO! Go away!" and I'm always like, "Why don't I have any friends?" and I go up to people and say, "Hi! Will you be my friend?" and they're like, "No! Go away!"

Jesse: Katie Beth, we're bad parents.

Jesse: You want to wear the yellow pajama shirt?
William: Uh huh. But it hath holeth.
Jesse: It has holes? Well of COURSE it has holes! It has a hole for your head, and a hole for your body, and two holes for your arms. EVERY well-made shirt has holes!
William: I MEAN wight DEWE.

Jesse: You, woman, are smart. You have a... something of note, inside your head.

Nala: do you have a day you can come over?
Katie: oh sorry
Tuesday or Wednesday should be fine
Nala: :-D
Katie: but if I come Tuesday I just need to figure out what to do with the little girls
Nala: send them to Alaska!
Katie: they might miss art class
Nala: so?
that's what video chat is for

Katie: how I love math :-D
Nala: oh how you are weird.

KB: I just saw a car with "THE GAME" stickered across the back. And I lost.
Jordan: You're such a rock.
KB: Pizza face.
Jordan: Your mom.
KB: Your DAD. OH.
Jordan: Okay, now that was just inappropriate and uncalled for.

Eric: *tapes my ankles together* That was a fun game.

VA: How come you have so many friends?! You don't even like people!

William: Tan you peew my tementine?
VA: Yeah. *starts to peel clementine*
William: Not wight now!!
VA: But you just asked me to peel your clementine!
William: Not yet. I donna det a panking!
VA: Ohhh. Mommy's gonna give you a spanking?
William: Yeah.
VA: Oh. Is she gonna spank you hard?
William: No, she not donna pank me hawd.
VA: No? Don't you think you should ask Mommy about that?
William: Mommy, ah you donna pank me hawd?
Mommy: Yup!
William: She ith.

Laken: NO! No Mexicans!

KB: Who's the guy that played in the King And I, again?
Daddy: Yul Brynner?
KB: Yeeaaah.
Daddy: Some people think I look like him, ya know.
KB: Really.
Daddy: Yup. The ones who think I am handsome. Handsome as a rogue.
KB: I wasn't aware being handsome was one of the requirements for being a rogue.
Daddy: It helps. It helps.

Jesse: Katie Beth....
KB: Yes?
Jesse: If they call logos... "logos"... why do they call slogans "slogans"? Why don't they call them "slogos"?
KB: Well why don't they call logos "logans"?
Jesse: Because that would be confusing.

Jesse: Katie Beth, I'm not the sharpest cheddar in the kitchen.

KB: Man, a minute on this microwave takes just as long as a minute on the last microwave.
Daddy: I know, I was hoping it would be a little quicker.

William: *rubbing hard at his itchy nose*
KB: How ya doin' there, William? Ya doin' ok?
William: No. *rubs some more* I feew yike I donna die.

Patience: All my ribth hurt. I think I've been extherthithing too much.

Dan: I am going to buy a milkshake, and then I am going to drink it.
Drew: *gigglefit*
Dan: I don't understand why that is funny. I am going to buy a milkshake, and that is what I am going to do with the milkshake when I get it.

Hana: And it's a full moon tonight!
Sebastian: Do we have a full moon tonight?
KB: Yeah, it is! I noticed it when I was driving over here.
Sebastian: And you didn't think about it being a full moon then?
KB: Well at the time I didn't know we would be dining with a werecow.
Dan: I'm not a werecow, I'm a weresquirrel.
Hana: A weresquirrel?
Dan: Yes.
KB: How does that work out with your mad cow thing?
Dan: It's very confusing. I have a very serious case of species confusion.

Kyle: Indians
Kyle: exude curry

Jackson: I think I look like my dad.
VA: Yeah, you do.
Jackson: At least I don't look like my uncle.
KB: What does your uncle look like?
Jackson: A taller version of my dad.

Jackson's pickup lines:
Jackson: You and this beer have one thing in common: you make my liver shiver.

Caleb: Jackson, don't curse in front of the Presbyterians.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Just When You Think You're Safe, You Ain't

I graduated on Friday from Vance-Granville Community College, that time-honored institution of academia where I have wiled away the past five years. I can explain that outrageous time frame for getting two associate degrees, but y'all don't really wanna hear that, right? Right.

Ok, two of those years were in high school. But it's still five years.

Anyway, I thought that since I've finished that phase of my existence--well, almost finished--I should write a reflective post about all the life-changing revelations I've had in the past half-decade.

I say "almost" because I'm taking Calculus III this summer.

I made all A's this semester, even in Physics and Calculus II, so I think I can afford to sit here watching Castle, drawing light bulbs, and sipping my figurative martini. The martini stimulates the brain cells and all.

So here I sit, figurative martini figuratively in hand, thinking wise thoughts. The wisest thought that comes to mind is, "What the heck happened?"

See, when I graduated high school, I went to VGCC because it was a close and cheap way to get my first couple years of college out of the way. That was my only goal. Ok, that and make good grades. My goal was not to make friends or be a presence on campus. I took most of my classes online and was on campus as little as possible. I came to class, I went home. My friends and social life came from church and work.

My lab partner and I had some fun goofing off in my second semester, but we weren't bff's or anything. Second year was nice and calm. Third year started out smooth, then it started down that infamous gravelly path of unpredictability.

Man, I hate that path.

So there I was, fixin' to graduate nice and clean with no extra hangers-on (if that's not a real phrase I am not apologetic), when bam! Suddenly I know all these people, and after years of being in class together they now decide to move themselves from the Those People In Class list to the Friends list. I never moved them. They moved themselves. I take no responsibility for this state of affairs.

Kinda creepy if you think about it. I mean, there they were, and there I was, a completely separate entity, all happy in my own little overachiever world, and then these infiltrators come barging in without even asking and declare themselves my friends and what am I supposed to do? Kick 'em?

And my best friend thinks it's funny. I am indignant, not to mention woefully confused, and there she is, laughing at me. She says the lack of control is good for me. What nerve.

Because it's not the friends I mind, exactly. It's the fact that my fate is apparently not in my own hands. Which I should have known, given that I'm a good Presbyterian child who believes in predestination and all that, but I guess I forgot. It's the fact that I go to bed one night quite calm and content and I wake up the next morning to find that all is chaos and those people have made off with my lists. I needed those lists for putting people into their neat little categories. If I don't have them the people on the lists keep popping out of their boxes and scampering the wrong way. In fact, I think I yelled after them to give me back my lists. I think I even shook my fist a couple times. I had to give up after a few shouts though. I'll probably never get those lists back. So much for organization. I feel like someone else put my clothes away and they're all in the wrong drawers and all my shirts have the sleeves sticking out. I hate it when the sleeves stick out.

So now I'm not really sure what to do with this little crowd I seem to have acquired. What do you do with people when suddenly you're friends and then you go somewhere else and probably never see them again? Do you stick 'em in the closet and keep them until later or do you release them into the wild, wings a-flappin'? I can't say yet because I've never had people escape from their boxes before.

If I had been friends with people from the beginning this might not be so mind-boggling. But coming at the very end of five years, it's just odd. I scratch my head and say, "Weird."

It kinda makes me wonder, though... What boxes am I in?