Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Of Green Toes and Other Things

We had brussel sprouts for dinner, and I had an epiphany for dessert. Wait, no. We didn't have brussel sprouts FOR dinner. I mean, we did, but they weren't the main dealio. The main dealio was chicken. But the dessert part was totally on.

So I had an epiphany (For dessert! And I keep mispelling both of those words.). I can't imagine why I didn't realize this before. All these years I could have saved myself just a little bit more angst (I'm an angsty person. I admit it.). I could have gone without just a little bit more squirming.

I don't like shapey foods. All foods have shapes, but some foods have abnormal shapes. The brussel sprouts revealed this to me tonight. I don't really mind brussel sprouts. In fact, when I was little, Daddy and I had great fun calling them "green toes" and grossing Mommy out. Daddy does NOT like brussel sprouts and Mommy does NOT like toes, so it worked out well.

Anyway, brussel sprouts never really bothered me, but they still... bothered me. I've never known why, but I feel sort of squirmy when I eat them. Tonight I realized why. They are abnormally shaped. They look like tiny cabbages. Miniature foods are abnormally shaped foods, and therefore, brussel sprouts make me squirm inside. And sometimes outside too.

This explains why gummy bears have always been sort of weird, and why those wheel-shaped noodles are unpalatable. I don't really like boxed mac'n'cheese anyway, but those wheel things are just weird. Also vegetable soup. Sorta goofy.

So now you know. And I guess more importantly, now I know, too.

Strangely, I never really minded those dinosaur gummy snack things, other than the fact that the sugar gives me a headache and the food coloring tastes funny. I'm sure there is significance hidden somewhere deep within this fact. I'll let you know.

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