Monday, March 2, 2015

Closing Statements from a Disgruntled February 2015

Hey guys, thanks for coming. I won’t be long… ha ha... Man, tough crowd.

Anyway, yeah, so I admit I got a late start this year. Still not thrilled about the memes of me staring at my alarm clock shouting “CRAP CRAP CRAP."

After that whole debacle I got the memo from Corporate, LATE, as usual, saying they’d upped the annual snow quota at the last minute and guess who’s gotta pick up the slack? Gotta call the wife and tell her I’ll be working late again. I swear they do this stuff on purpose. Everybody’s gotta pick on the little guy.

It’s not like I can refuse the extra work. I’m two days short of a full month as it is, I gotta take as much work as I can get. I gotta family to feed!

I see that face, April. Nobody makes you work overtime, you just do it for the attention. Going around like cry, cry, cry all the time just ‘cause you got a girl’s name, gimme a break.

I mean it’s no easy task being the coldest month in the south. I got schools and businesses to close and states of emergency to declare here. I gotta make sure all the stores are low on bread and milk for a week prior to any big project. People like their bread around here. They make TONS.

I just feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick here. What’s the deal? I mean I get that December’s tired and wants to check out. He’s only got like a week of winter anyway. But what’s up with January, huh? You think just ‘cause you’re the first month of the year you can slack off? You had a whole thirty-one days and you did what?

Anyway, all I’m saying is I wish some other people would pull their own weight around here. Not March though. Can’t count on March for anything. Freakin’ hippie.