Friday, June 19, 2009

Geese go *shoop*

I like my job. I do. It's just that it tires me out, being responsible for people's lives all day and stuff like that, and around about 8:30 my brain shuts down and weird stuff starts coming out of my mouth.

I guess this happens at home too, but it's so normal here that I don't usually think about it. Would you think about it if you had a little sister that went around singing things like, "Give me sixteen days of happiness!" all the time? I didn't think so. Or, "Wouldn't it be weird if a cat turned itself inside out and you stuck your hand in its mouth and all you felt was fur?" I rest my case.

Anyway, my problem is that there's some kind of electrical short in my brain, and things just don't have as far to travel. They start in my brain, and instead of slowing down somewhere in between, they just go straight down and spurt right out of my mouth.

That's just how it works. 8:30 rolls around, *voop* goes the brain, and *shoop* come the words. It's worse when Sebastian's there (remember CokeToes?), because his brain does the same thing, except his words get all funky instead of coming out too fast. We're basically twins, by the way. You know, sometime SeaBass is going to find this blog and wonder why he's on it so much, and he'll think it's pretty weird, but it's really not. It's because we're twins, Sebastian! It's just a fact. I'm the older twin, by the way, so you have to do everything I say.

The other night SeaBass told me I was too home to go tired. Then he told me to stop laughing at him. Yeah right.

My point ("Ah, she has a point," you say) is that I did it again. I got tired, and weird, creepy stuff came out of my head (kind of like when I post late at night, which is always). The story, finally, is as follows:

Sebastian really wanted to get my shoes wet. I don't know why; he just thought it would be a good thing.

"Katie Beth, may I get your shoes wet?" asked Sebastian.
"No, Sebastian," said Katie Beth.
"Pleeeaaase may I get your shoes wet?" pleaded Sebastian.
"No, Sebastian," said Katie Beth.
"Why not?" asked Sebastian.
"Because I don't want them wet!" said Katie Beth
"But whyyyy?" said Sebastian.
"Because they're leather, and when they get wet they stain my feet!" said Katie Beth.
"Ha ha, and then you have orange stains on your feet," said Sebastian, giggling.
"Yes, exactly," said Katie Beth. "And while I realize that may be the closest to a tan that I'll ever get," said Katie Beth, "I don't want little flip-flop shaped tans on my feet."

And then I just kept going (Don't ask about the first/third person switches. It's how I roll.).

"They're shaped like little V's," continued Katie Beth. "Like little... migrating geese. And every time I take a step, the geese migrate a little further."

And Sebastian and I had our own little gigglefit on the pool deck.

Now I ask you, should it not have occurred to me somewhere in between the "flip-flop shaped tans" and the "migrating geese" to maybe stop talking? I mean, wouldn't a normal person maybe, possibly think, "Hey, I'd better shut up before I say something really stupid"? I'm not trying to say that having little flocks of migrating geese on my feet isn't awesome. It's just weird.

I think the Pioneer Woman has the same problem, judging by a recent post that I found, ironically, while thinking about the post I'm writing right now:

But I should warn you: Tracy Porter stuff is dangerous. I don’t even really let myself look because about a year ago I pricked both my index fingers and became blood sisters with myself. Then we promised each other we wouldn’t buy another piece of dinnerware until our youngest went to college.

So I don't feel so bad, really. I mean, I didn't feel bad... I amuse myself to no end. I just kinda figured I was too weird to even worry about. But it's ok now. I don't mind. It's not like I can stop it anyway.

I wonder what it would be like if I didn't always post late at night, when I'm more than usually exhausted? I suppose the world will never know.

Monday, June 15, 2009


Juliet has left to go to the Odells', which means that we have a whole load of quotables from her visit, plus the ones that I'd been saving up before. Enjoy!


VA: I wish I had a boyfriend so he could carry my stuff at the mall.

VA: You may think of anything I say as a whiteboard. Erase at will. PLEASE erase at will.

Patience: I... am going to the moon. And we all know how the moon ith.
VA: And how is the moon?
Patience: Good.

Robbie: Man, I wish we communicated in math problems. I would be so good at spelling.

Jill: I would really like that if it weren't small and ugly.

VA: Get some manpants!

VA: I like it when people spell "humor" with a u.

KB: Your pants match Natalie's.
Rebecca: Natalie had pants on?

Evan: Why are you wearing Underarmor?
Drew: Because it makes my muscles look big.
Evan: Not because you're cold?
Drew: Nope.
Evan: Nice.

Drew: He must be an acquired taste, cuz he's really hott when he's drinking water.

VA: Not only did the heathen smoke, he had a child. That's what happens when you smoke.

VA: Apparently when you become a mother you immediately learn to knit.
KB: I already know how to knit.
VA: Where's the child?!

KB: Did you kill anyone today?
VA: No one important.

KB: *after dinner* I still don't feel really... fulfilled.
VA: Ha ha! Fulfilled? Get it? Filled?
KB: Uh... yeah... filled.
VA: Wait. Forget everything I said. You know what I meant to say. I was going to tell you some interesting fact about... something smart.

Awesome commercial: Vitamin Water. Because it's much less embarrassing to shop at Big and Tall when you're just... tall.

Kyle: I am sad.
KB: My apologies.
Kyle: Mk.
KB: Yw.

Daddy: What?! Texting in the laundry room?! That's worse than changing in the laundry room!

Mommy: Ok William, let's go to bed.
William: *sits there with his truck*
Mommy: Come on William, it's time for your nap.
William: *still sits with his truck*
Anna: Oh, let me say goodnight to him, Mommy!
William: A no anight! *he and his truck speed down the hall*

Rebecca: OW!
KB: What did you do?!
Rebecca: She hit me.
KB: Virginia!
VA: I just miss those old days of... hitting you with my head.
KB: Injun!
VA: I was just reminiscing.

Patience: Would you rather have a tea party or be in a war?

Genise: You're like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: The Aquatics Version!

KB: Heavens! A mongrel horde of chickens!

Daddy: I can't take you seriously in those purple shorts.

VA on the phone, while out shopping with Mommy: Hi, um... neither of us could figure out the texting thing... so I'm leaving you a message.

Maggie: *looking at a doll* And you can even tell he's a homeschooler!
KB: Um, what?
Maggie: Cuz he has a belt on and his shirt is tucked in. He even has shoes on!
KB: ...
Maggie: *thinks* Wait. Never mind about the shoes.

Derrick: my best pro is crastination, my worst con is centration

Completely out of the blue:
Derrick: you should write in your status "I'M MARRIED!!!!!"
Derrick: ..........just as soon as I die"
.......but I'm not............
KB: lol!
......or the groom arrives!"

Kyle: it may have something to do with my bed being so small
Kyle: it's too small for me
KB: lol, that's pretty sad
Kyle: yeah
Kyle: it's a twin
Kyle: I'm not a twin
KB: neither am I a twin but mine fits me ;-P
KB: well, basically
KB: my toes do protrude occasionally
Kyle: lies, you are a twin
Kyle: if your toes protrude
Kyle: what do yo think MY toes do
Kyle: they're like OMG LOL HELLO
KB: fall off
Kyle: waving to passer bys
Kyle: ya
KB: rofl
Kyle: they're lik omg hellooesssss
Kyle: and I can't do anything about it
Kyle: and my blankets are too small
Kyle: in winter
Kyle: I cry
Kyle: in a silent way

Harry: What's the key to?
KB: ...My soul.
Harry: Whoo! We better take that thing off and bury it a hundred feet underground!

About a random kid in the pool:
SeaBass: Why?! Why do you have that?!

Talking about search patterns in the lifeguard class:
Rose: The grid pattern is for when you have an irregular bottom.
Chich: Hee hee!

KB: *pushing William on the swing* William, are you having fun? Is that exciting?
William: Uh huh. Hoo hoo!

Dan: Oh no! I am stricken with a fit of drowning!

KB: *comes back outside with her coat on*
SeaBass: Oh, that is so cheating.
KB: Sebastian. It's very cold.
SeaBass: But Katie Beth, it's cheating!
KB: Sebastian, it's cold!
SeaBass: Do you have another one?

VA: In my dream last night my alarm clock was named Regret.

Drew: *watching a movie* Rough addiction? Does that say rough addiction?! Why's it rated PG for rough addiction?! That's so stupid! I've never even heard of rough addiction! What iS rough addiction?!
KB: That says rough action.
Drew: Oh.

Val: If you woke up on fire, assuming you had gone to bed not on fire, would you be more surprised that you were on fire, or in pain?

Val: You know, if we had enough caulk, we could probably put this building out to sea.

Driving by a pond:
Patience: Ith that the thea?

Kyle: Would you like a sitting utensil?

Kimberly: Do y'all have music tomorrow?
Julia: Yes.
Kimberly: Ha, ha, ha! A likely story.

Talking about how the Amish have beards down to their ankles:
Kyle: It's in case they have to change.

William: *walks in and goes right up to the poster of the Ten Commandments* *stares at the picture of "Thou Shalt Not Covet"* A dah a tuck. A dah a tuck!
KB: Yeah, a car and a truck!
William: I want dat.

Anna: I should become a scientist who discovers everything!

Maggie: *sees the neighbors having a bonfire* We should go invite us over.

KB: Be careful with that. It's the key to my soul.
Mr. Will: Where's the trash can?

Patience: I wish I had a thell phone tho I could tektht Mommy.
William: Ah tektht Mommy too!

An entire conversation:
Derrick: Everything you believed is a truth
Katie: what are we talking about?
Derrick: stumped
Katie: lol
Derrick: night
Katie: lol! goodnight :-P

Patience: If Makth eatth William'th life then Athe will thave William'th life.

Anna: I'm not showing off! I'm evil ALL the time!
Mommy: Can't argue with that!

Patience: *about me* Her name ith Mushroomth.
Juliet: Oh! Why?
Patience: Becauthe I don't like mushroomth.

KB: Anna, go outside!
Anna: Why?
KB: Cuz it feels awesome outside!
Anna: But I am awesome INSIDE.

Rebecca: I think my nose has gotten stronger from playing this song.

Maggie: Can I play with your mouth?
KB: You need to rephrase that.

KB: Heartheartheart!
Juliet: *typing* Heartheart... ahh, no! I can't believe I almost typed that!! Stop!

Clayton: but if you can make me fly for free, and it's in about a month and a half or two months, I'd love to.
Juliet/KB: I'll have to adopt you
Clayton: hmm...
akward, but plausible

Clayton: Well, my useless turkeys...

Clayton: "This incredible shameless attempt to get into KB's quotables has been brought to you by Clayton Sandham"

Clayton: Okay I don't comment on KB's blog...
I do on Juliet's, as long as they aren't tremendously touching and I don't know what to say...

But our minds are rather out of it right now ;)
We merged into one to make it more coherent.
Clayton: quite obviously.
and now I'm going insane... Thanks, Girls.

Right after we tell Clayton our minds have merged:
Juliet, on KB's lappy: Anytime, anytime.
At the same time:
KB: Anytime, anytime.

KB: The lightning bugs are out!
Juliet: Where?
KB: Over there. See the lights?
Juliet: Those weren't helicopters?

Juliet/KB: I KNOW!!
And laugh
Juliet/KB: dyyying KB: In her room? That sounds so awful.
Shannon: (It sounds like we're getting married)
Good grief
Juliet/KB: LOL!
We're laughing o'er here.
Shannon: LOL

Juliet/KB: We're useless turkeys
Shannon: I <3 turkeys
So glad one is coming to visit me soon
Juliet/KB: LOL!
Shannon: (What the heck?)
As I spew ridiculousness

Shannon: those ugly?
Juliet/KB: Waaaaiiiting for the browser
KB: I would not wear those...
Shannon: No DUH
Juliet/KB: In accord with her.
They look like... dutch slippers.
Shannon: LOL
Thank you
All my friends think they're ugly
My family, too
Juliet: I'm glad we provide ample entertainment
Does that mean you're buying them?
Just to spite all.
Juliet/KB: DEAD
We love you.
Shannon: :D
It wasn't out of spite, really
Juliet/KB: You amaze us.
Shannon: Although, that's certainly a sweet after taste

Phoebe: Dangit is a bad wowd and so is stupid.

Don't touch my fabs!
Hana: *pokes him in the side*
William: They're nice fabs.

Hana: Quick, Grace, what's Micah 6:8?
Perfectly silent moment as Grace tries to remember
Grace: He has shown you O man what is good, and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk mer--muh--
Hana: Humbly.
Grace: With thy God.
KB: I liked that moment of silence there. I was thinking, "That's probably the quietest this house has ever been!"
Grace: I was thinking, "I'd better speak faster before Katie Beth says something!"

Juliet: Katie Beth, I was sleeping underneath your bed because I love you.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Juliet is here!

I picked Juliet up from the airport this morning. I get her for almost a week, and it is SO good to see her. I've missed her terribly since I last saw her two years ago. We've got a lot of things planned for this week, including swimming (probably), seeing some old friends, watching Nacho Libre, and hanging out with the family.

And we're doing something tonight... what is it... I can't seem to remember....

Oh right! We're going to see No Doubt and Paramore! Oh yeeeaaaaah, Mr. Kool-Aid Man, oh yeeeaaaah. (I would link to that too, but Dane Cook's mouth ain't real clean. Still, I can't help adding "Mr. Kool-Aid Man" every time I say "oh yeah.") We've got lawn seats, so I'm bringing binoculars, but it should still be pretty awesome. Our crowd is me, Juliet, and Virginia, and word on the street is that Kelly and Candace have lawn seats too. Hopefully we'll get a lot of sweet pictures out of this concert. ;-)

Actually, we'll probably get some pretty sweet pictures from this visit in general. William is in love with Juliet, which always makes for a cuteness overload.

One more thing: Quotables coming soon!