Saturday, January 31, 2009


After reading my last quotables:
you have weird conversations, you know that?

Virginia: Hey Patience, I like your face.
Patience: Thank you! I made it mythelf.

TV show guy: It's a symptom of the disease.
KB: It's a symptom of the disease, Hana.
Hana: I know it is, I know.
TV show guy: I'm not kiddin'.
Hana: I'm not kiddin' either!
Mr. Halvorsen: He's DEAD.
KB and Hana: *die*
Mr. Halvorsen: He is!!

Jordan: hah
Katie: not for me :-D
Jordan: (it's Italian, pronounced "noy-CHAY")
Katie: :-D
Jordan: (means, "oh, that sucks")

Patience: I don't detherve you.
VA: I'm that good?
Patience: You're that bad.

me: a guy at work offered to make me a fork yesterday
Ethan: Is he a cannible? Because in some oceanic cultures, offering a fork is equivalent to exchanging rings. Polynesians can be really hott, too.

Granddaddy: I got Grandmommy a GPS for Christmas, and ours are both female. But we had to change hers to the male voice cuz she didn't want some female bossin' her around.

KB: Hey William, can you say "tools"?
William: Yah. Mine.

KB: I don't know what to weeeaaar tomorrow... cuz you have to layer up when you go ice skating, you know, and I don't know what to layer up in.
VA: I hope I layer up enough so they don't recognize me.

KB: *showing Daddy my tooth* See Daddy, this is the one that hurts.
Daddy: *peering* What's that black stuff?
KB: It's the filling. It's silver.
VA: You have SILVER in you?!??!!??!!?!?! We could sell you online for SEVERAL DOLLARS!!!!

Stephen: *gets in the car wearing a Wakefield shirt*
Stephen: *utterly blank look*

In the Harris Teeter restroom
KB: *looking around for paper towels* *sees a dispenser like a foot off the ground* *bending down* Do they... what... do they really expect me to use this?!?!
Kelly: What? *dies* Katie Beth, turn around.
KB: *turns around* Oh! *goes over to the other normal dispenser behind me*
Kelly: *still laughing* That was amazing. "Do they really expect me to use this?!" Hahahaha!

Talking about toads at the bonfire
Kelly: Well Willy, you'd pee too if someone that big picked you up!

KB: Guess what I am! Guess what I am!
Maggie and Patience: Uhhh... Katie Beth?
KB: Psshh, no! I'm a Cuddly Teddy!
Patience: I am a Bunny Bear.
KB: What is a Bunny Bear?
Patience: A Bunny Bear ith a Bunny what ith a Bear.

Patience: Ok, we're going to have a lion thing (roar) contetht. Whoever ith the looouuuudetht... weenth (wins).
KB: Ok. You go first.
Patience: *roars*
Maggie: *roars, sort of*
Rebecca: *doesn't really roar at all*
KB: Virginia, it's your turn! We're having a lion thing contest.
VA: Oh! Ok. A lion thing? *starts to do a lion run thing* No, no, just kidding. *does something else that is not at all a roar* Ok, just kidding! *roars*
Patience: *waiting*
KB: So who won?
Patience: You did.

Patience: Now I am going to have the contetht by mythelf. RRROOOOAAAARRRR! *pause* I won.


Patience: NOT COOL.

Mommy: Jesse, you'll make a good mother someday.

Katie: you going to bed?
Derrick: hahahaha
errrrr no

Derrick: anyway, I think you'll like what I have so far
Katie: rofl
why am I skeptical? :-D
Derrick: the same reason you wished I'd be going to bed
youre crazy
Katie: but we knew that
Derrick: true, but the degree keeps increasing
Katie: :-P
Derrick: soon it will be up so high you will truly live up to your hair
Katie: ha!!
Derrick: (that sounded a lot better in my head)

Brianne: *after telling us all about her New Years resolution to not eat any fast food* But I don't eat all that much fast food anyway.
Jon: Then what's the point?! That's like saying I'm not gonna live in Germany this year! Goin' strong so far!

Givler, out loud to Jordan: Lolwut?

Patience: Hey, thethe are the thame pantth I ate potatoeth in! Thee all the cheethe?

Derrick: OOH speaking of class, mine starts soon. I should find my pants and get to class

Derrick: OOH! I was forced into a social situation today

Brianne: I had some special church thing to go to. It was so special I forgot about it.

KB: All the good people leave.
Brianne: Which is why we're still here.

Patience: Um, did you know you're in my whale?

KB: ok... I've got to go to bed
KB: word
KB: so sleepy
KB: what shall I eat?
Lizzie: FOOD!!!
Lizzie: I VOTE FOOD!!!
KB: what food?
Lizzie: delicious food...
Lizzie: like....
Lizzie: ummmm
Lizzie: steak
KB: wish I had some
Lizzie: how about...
KB: we have pizza
Lizzie: umm
KB: but we had it for dinner and I don't really feel like pizza
Lizzie: ice cream
Lizzie: !
KB: already had ice cream
Lizzie: I have brownies here, you can have some of those
KB: lol!
KB: ooo
KB: that sounds good
Lizzie: well come get em
KB: I might die of hunger before I got there though
KB: and then where would we be?
KB: (answer: on the side of the road, dead. Of hunger.)
Lizzie: hahaha
Lizzie: oh
Lizzie: that would be terrible
Lizzie: and akward
Lizzie: **awkward
KB: yeah, very awkward
KB: cuz you'd be like driving out to deliver brownies to some dead, starved person
KB: and I wouldn't be able to eat them
KB: and then you'd have to eat them yourselv
Lizzie: I'll stuff em in you
KB: and you'd probably get fat
Lizzie: and revive you
Lizzie: haha, yep
Lizzie: I'll guard your life by filling you with brownies
KB: okie dokie
Lizzie: *stuff stuff stuff*
Lizzie: YOU LIVE!!!!!
Lizzie: *lightning flashes*
KB: rofl!
Lizzie: I figure that's what would happen
KB: yeah, probably

Man, William looks like a prostitute with his shoes and socks off.
KB: .........................A prostitute?
VA: ..........That is NOT what I meant. You KNOW it isn't.

Mommy, packing: I know, I know, I'm all eeeeeeeee * worried face*, but I need to just calm down and not worry if I don't have the kind of underwear I like....

Jesse: Daddy, I have a proposition.
Daddy: A preposition?
Jesse: Yes! I have a preposition!
KB: But, but, but...!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

School with Barak

A friend sent me this. I had to share.

Also, Quotables. Coming. Soon.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Shaving Your Whole Body Is Gross

How's that for a provocative title?

People tell me all the time, "You must be so bored, sitting up there on the stand all the time." I want to say, "You have no idea." But it doesn't mean what they think it means. Lifeguarding isn't always the most exciting job, but when it's funny, it's really funny.

I worked today, from 9:45 to 4. That's 6.25 hours, for anyone who's counting (I count it because I get paid for it, and also because I like counting things.). In the space of those hours I did, heard, and was treated to many things that were much more interesting than any homework I might have done instead. I guess I could have been productive on my breaks, read some Economics, maybe gotten ahead on English. But I didn't.

I think the most notable happening today was Chris coming in and announcing that he had shaved his entire body for his swim meet. He says he "had to," whatever that actually means. He was pretty vocal about how gross and creepy it all was, and how hard it was and how he missed spots and did a bad job (actually I was the one who pointed out all the nicks on his legs), and was all, "Does this look normal?" and, "Does this look weird?" and, "I could never be a girl," and, "And when I slide my shorts over my legs! Eeewww!", and "Does this look like I have no hair?" (Why yes, Chris, it does, now that you mention it.)

Since I was sitting there trying to finish the last two pages of my book, Chris thought he should annoy me and do everything he could to keep me from finishing. He's enormously effective. Not only did he talk, but he decided it would be a good idea to rub my knee with his arm to show me how smooth it really was (heaven forbid I should doubt), and then he kept trying to stick his leg under my chair, hoping, I gather, that I would forget it was there and bump it with my leg and be weirded out. I kicked him instead. Every now and then he would say, "Read your book!" and I would say something like, "I'm TRYING, but you keep talking and... touching me and stuff!" which Ardalan and Shelby found disturbing. I won't even tell you what I found it.

Finally I told Chris I was going to tell Drew all this, because her sense of humor would appreciate his humiliation. He protested. "No! You'd better not!" he said. "She'll see it anyway," I said. "No! She won't! I'll do THIS!" he said. And he stretched the legs of his swim meet suit out over his knees, and pulled down his guard suit (which he was wearing on top) down to cover the rest of his legs.

And right as he pulled down his guard suit, his dad popped his head in the door. Chris had been waiting for his family to get there so he could watch his little sister in the pool, but I doubt he could have chosen more perfet timing.

"What are you wearing, man?!" said Chris's dad, and then, "What are you DOING?" And Chris pulled up his suit and went to play with his sister. I don't even want to know what his dad thought his son was doing with the poor demented redhead who was about to choke to death laughing.

Then I finished Brisingr (much better than Eldest), which I had borrowed from Genise last week. Then I told Chris and gloated.

Following is a list of everything else that happened today, not necessarily in order:

  1. I stayed up super late this morning making raisin bread to bring to work.
  2. I ate donuts at work. Some wonderful secret person brought them.
  3. I bought lunch from Chik-Fil-A at 9:30 AM. The fries got cold and the wrap fell apart, but I ate it anyway.
  4. Robbie sang Frank Sinatra to me. I still don't know why, but that's Robbie. On the next rotation, he was apparently going to sing me a song I had never heard (his words), but he tapped on the rescue tube and talked like a robot instead.
  5. I slipped in the guard room and caught myself by the ribs on a plastic chair. I bruised my ribs and my hand very nicely and now they're sore.
  6. I ran (in my brand new Under Armor compression shorts, which I love so very very much. They were totally worth the $25.), and now the back of my right knee is sore.
  7. I stayed after my workout to talk to Drew, and we followed each other around a lot.
  8. I went to the mall with Genise and Rose.
  9. I went to Panera with Genise and Rose, but I was a good girl and didn't buy dinner because I bought lunch.
  10. I came home and Mommy told me that I missed a lot of "action," which is code for "a whole heck of a lot of fighting." I'm so glad I was gone.
  11. I forgot to give Genise back her book.
So when you tell me you're sorry I'm bored, you just have no idea. In fact, I'm probably having tons of fun making up stories about you and your family right now, which I will tell to the lifeguard contingent later. It probably involves names, too, like "Speedo Guy. YOU know the one." And all the lifeguards will say, "Oh, yeah, THAT guy." Either that or just entertaining ourselves, like Chris likes to do.

We have to have fun somehow.

Thursday, January 22, 2009


What is the world coming to when even my blog is on Facebook?

That means you'd better go find my blog network and join it. Go. Now.

I'm so ashamed.

(Edit: Not really.)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Red herring! Red herring!

Some of you may have noticed that I secretly read Highlights magazine on occasion. Or you may have not, but after this post any shreds of an adult reputation I may have had will be completely gone anyway.

I was reading the February issue of Highlights today (it's called procrastination, or something), and I came upon a story entitled "The Lost Mittens." It involves a small child named Matt who wants to go out and ride his new sled (this child has snow, unlike some of us) but cannot find his mittens. Are they on the table? No, they are not. Are they by his boots? No, they are not. They are not in his dresser or under his bed.

Finally Matt looks out the window and espies the snowman he had so deftly created the day before (it is either a very small snowman or he had a lot of help, but apparently these kind of details aren't important to the narrative). The snowman is sporting two mittens. In fact, it is sporting the very mittens that our young protagonist needs to ride his sled.

The story ends with this description of the snowman's stickwear, and says, "That's where his mittens were!"

Now I don't know about you, but it seems to me that this story is lacking some serious resolution. Yeah, the kid found his mittens, but did anyone else notice that where his mittens were wasn't the original problem? The original problem was that he wanted to ride the sled and needed something to wear on his hands. Now he's found his mittens, but they're outside and all cold and stiff and icy, so he still has nothing to wear on his hands when he goes sledding. The original (reasonable) problem was replaced by another one, and the second problem was answered but the first was not.

This bothers me.

I mentioned this to Virginia, who replied, "They thought kids were stupid! But HA, you can't fool them, because you, the 20-year-old, figured it out!"

Since I can't save myself now, I will end by saying that Virginia also secretly reads Highlights. Now we're even.