VA: *wakes up all of a sudden* I woke up! *immediately goes back to sleep*
Patience: I am the chinup fairy!
Granddaddy: So what’s your new pastor been preaching on?
KB: The Bible.
Daddy: He’s kind of in a rut.
Daddy gives me a talking Annoying Orange
Daddy: I thought you’d like that, you know, for when Eric’s not around.
William: I’m tired, Mommy. I wanna watch somethin’. Or play somethin’ on someone’s iPod Touch.
Austin: We used to have a goat, until it rammed my dad and we gave it to some Mexicans for dinner.
William: Daddy, I have hiccups.
Daddy: You'll get over 'em.
KB: It's ok William, I have hiccups too, cuz I'm sick.
William: Don't worry, I didn't get them from you.
Matt B: I’m so bad at Facebook.
After I put my contacts in
KB: There, I can see you now! And you are so handsome!
William: I’m telling.
Dylan: Is it bad that I need to eat more but I'm too lazy to do it?
Amanda: Yeah, he said he doesn't like chewing.
Dylan: I don't mind it in small amounts, but when there's a lot of food... a LOT of food... that's a lot of chewing.
Dylan: Katie Beth, are you really into World of Warcraft?
KB: What? No... why?
Dylan: You look like someone who would be. Or read comics. Do you read comics?
VA: I’m going to move this so I can be lazy more comfortably.
Taking a huge pan of macaroni and cheese out of the oven
Mommy: Katie Beth, you have to remember that this is for nine people. Not two.
Joe: Hey, turn that frown upside down...... ok, put it back, put it back!
KB: I feel like a superhero when I wear my new red underpants.
Daddy: Good! Now, go, conquer the world! Knowing your strength comes from withunder?!
Eric: I am a hot, attractive man with awesome sideburns!
Eric: …...Too many adjectives?
Mommy: I hope all this dog food that I bought gets eaten... I know Toto will eat it... Jeb is really picky........ *very sheepish and sort of giggling* He only likes multicolored food.
Daddy: Oh my goodness....
Mommy: But it was on sale, so I went ahead and got it because it had different shapes... he doesn’t like food that’s all the same shape.
KB: Yeah, we’re not supposed to say the Heimlich maneuver anymore.
Caroline: Why, is it racist?
Me, kissing William’s ear
William: Um... Daddy chewed that ear.
William: Why don’t we ever bring Toto to church?
KB: Why do you think?
Daddy: He’s Catholic.
William: Why can’t Jeb do my school? Or Toto?
Mommy: Because he’s not going to college someday.
KB: Jeanna told me to get out of her coffee shop, and I said sometimes I go to the one in Morrisville even though you said it’s yours, and if I won’t listen to a deacon I def won’t listen to her.
Tim: Don’t worry, the diaconate isn’t an office of rule. Your insubordination is allowed under Christian liberty.
Amanda: I’m not marryin’ you!
KB: Does that mean I’m second in line?? [I was previously third.] He’s getting me a rock wall.
Amanda: I was just doin’ it for the ring from Tiffany’s.
KB: Sweet! I want that rock wall.
Dylan: See, KB’s doing it for good reasons. AND TRUE LOVE!!
Grace: How’d he get his ice cream so tall???!!?!
Brendan: [Vice president of risk management] is here today, so if y’all were going to do any stupid stuff, today is not the day to do it. *long pause* …..................I’m not implying that y’all do stupid stuff... just don’t do it today.
Mommy: Ok, it’s time for you to go shower. And you need to wash your face with soap.
William: WITH soap???
Mommy: Who left the vitamins out? William, was that you?
Mitchell: He swims like an injured frog.
KB: MITCHELL THE COCKROACH GOT OUT OF THE POOL
Mitchell: ….do I need to come back
After “The Human Knot” activity:
Brendan: So how do y’all feel about that activity?
Caroline: Well I’ve never held hands with my boss for so long....
KB: I’m about to get an ultrasound on my arm. I hope there’s not a baby in there.
David: I. . . Want there to be a good rebuttal because that is hilarious, let me think.
William: I like to put a lot of salt on my eggs. A lot of salt. I know salt is bad for you... but I put it on anyway. I really like salt.
Dylan: You called me dude.
KB: What am I supposed to call you?
Chelsea: I feel like I’m doing a chronic pushup!