Andrea: I broke a new record
KB: Uh oh
Andrea: I made in your quotable a 3 whole times O_o
I must be slightly funny now
I wish my brothers were here to see this moment
KB: Just realized there’s little to no hope of being able to have hilarious text conversations with my child when I’m 40. What is this life for, anyway.
Becca: I mean we’ll have holograms. What will you need texting for?
KB: I guess that’s true. But the point here is that any children I have probably won’t be old enough to be sufficiently funny by the time I’m 40.
Becca: That sounds like a personal problem. You should be marrying someone who is equivalent or funnier than you are so that your babies pop out being hilarious human beings
Tim: Caroline gave me and Chris mullets at the same time. Chris’s looked sooooooooooo good.
Becca: I shaved my legs twice in one week. Ten points for gryffendor!
Idk how to spell it
Tim: wow, this is the first time I've ever explained measure theory to my girlfriend of 3 hours. huge rush.
Mike: I guess I should go close my sunroof, huh?
KB: Guess so.
Mike: I’ll be right back.
KB: Don’t die!
Pat: You just do what ya have to do, brother.
KB: Had lasagna for lunch. I think I’m dying a slow, monotonous death.
Becca: What songs do you want played at your funeral
Alex: I think you may have an addiction… we need to talk about your taco intake…
Cason: And I’m going to get fat. That will be a real test of his love.
KB: on purpose, just to test his love?
Cason: Yeah. It seems logical.
KB: I say go for it
Cason: I shall. I will start with night cereal.
Kyle: I feel so awkward. Im buying vegan mayonnaise at whole foods :x
KB: Grossss. Next you’ll be growing out your hair and going barefoot everywhere.
Kyle: I hate the approving and welcoming glances peoplr give me when I ask where the vegan cheese is
During the kitchen remodel
KB: So, how's the kitchen?
Maggie: Oh, mostly gone.
What if I could make pancakes with the 1 egg I have
That would be awesome
Tim: Put a fleece blanket on my head to block the light
Now my head is drenched
KB: well YEAH.....
Tim: I know that now....
Joe: You are the best real redhead I know
After our AC is fixed
Becca: I'm positive there's air conditioning in heaven. And that I slept there last night.
Tim: when you prove you can care for a sourdough starter, i'll get you a dog
Tim: I don’t think I’ve ever said this to you before, but please go take a shower.
KB: I hate the days when you wear your no-wedgie underwear and even THAT gives you a wedgie.
Becca: Oh that’s so true. And you’re so excited when you put them on…”THESE ARE MY NO WEDGIE UNDERWEAR!!! Today will be GREAT!” And then they let you down.
Tim: WAIT TILL YOU SEE ALL MY NEW CHARM
KB: WAIT YOU HAVE NEW CHARM
WHERE DID YOU GET IT
Tim: charm store?
Daniel: What was THAT? It SOUNDED like he was running funny.
Mom: Ok, no more vegetables for you.
Rebecca: Do you hear what you’re saying?
Tim: Sometimes I listen to reformed hip hop. Hope that’s ok.
Tim: peoples stop annoying my girlfriend!
Tim: Ugh. Thousands of runners ended up at fullsteam.
KB: Thousands, huh?
Tim: I count for a living!
Becca: I was really looking forward to having a CONVERSATION in person with you this morning, Mrs. MIA. Always goneeeee
KB: Sorryyyyy!! I might be back earlier tonight… I hope….
Becca: ...we’ll see. I’m leaving tomorrow. Forever.
Becca: But I might come back late Sunday night. We’ll see
KB: Forever’s a lot shorter now than it was when I was a kid.
Becca: Lols you know, just redefining things. It’s what our generation does. Be you.
Leo has a parasite, and we name it Benjamin
Becca: Leo and Benjamin, time for bed!
We go visit Tim's 94-year-old grandma
Tim: Grandmom, don't you want to wake up and say hi to your grandson?
Grandma: *mostly asleep* I'll bite you.
Tim: Why are you do sleepy? Do they work you too hard here?
Tim: Put you down in the mines all day?
Grandma: Right. But we sleep real good after.
Tim: Can we have a whistle like the horn of Gondor so I can whistle whenever I’m in need?
KB: I’m not a very good whistler….
Tim: I don’t want you to whistle, I want to whistle so you’ll come when I need you!
KB: Oh. What would it sound like?
Tim: WOMAN! But in a whistle.
Daddy: Hello! Did Jesse's gift arrive yesterday?
Daddy: Hows citing! Total? How much did u want to contribute? Cuz I can haz V bring a check por usted.
Beth: You want some peaches, AJ?
AJ: Naw. If I eat somethin’ I want it to be somethin’ that can kill me. Like grease!
Becca: Leo, what are you doin’ right now? Go do somethin’. Eat your own paws or somethin’.
Becca: Also, decent burp. Not enough soul. I give it a 4
KB: My burps suck tonight. I had a good one at work and our sales lady was very impressed.
Becca: That’s lame. Who wastes their good burps at work?! You hold those suckers in and keep eating air till you get home