Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Maggie: *watching me frame a picture* I'm hugging that in my heart.

William: If you put fwieth on a chicken you will have fwied chicken!

William: Katie Beth liveth at home, and Katie Beth liveth at wowk, and Katie Beth liveth at thchool.
KB: Haha! That is so true.

Kyle: Speaking of fail...why do roaches need wings >:0
KB: Good question... I have never seen one fly....
Kyle: One just flew down near me in my rest room. It was a moment of unrest for me. I hozed him down with roach killer and it quickly became his moment of unrest.

Genise: So, Josh... what would you do if you were attacked by a shark with no teeth?
Josh: ....I think I'd probably wanna hug it. I mean, it would kinda feel like it was nuzzling me. It would probably be a pretty good massage.

David: FLINCH! Stop being more of a man than me!

Patience: Um, blue and brown and black do not go together.
Tim: I don't have a Bible for every outfit!

William: Get up offa that thing, ouch! Shake it you'll feel bettah!

VA's status: I love how "break" really means working like crazy to catch up on all the school you procrastinated all quarter. "You" is hypothetical, of course...
Caleb: true......
KB: There are actually times when I don't miss highschool.
KB: Oh, and since when do you have quarters? Copycat.
VA: What? It is a quarter. Hence the "break".
KB: ...It is not a quarter.
VA: Then what is it??
KB: It is a semester. And yes it matters, because *I* have quarters and you have semesters and hence my schedule is more differenter than yours.
VA: Well I can't say "all semester" because it hasn't *been* all semester yet. And anyway, I'm homeschooled. How am I supposed to know these things?
KB: You can too say "all semester," meaning "the part of the semester that I have completed heretofore." The fact that you're homeschooled is EXACTLY why you should know these things. :-P
VA: How much wood... would a wood chuck chuck.... if a wood chuck could chuck wood? I think I've made my point.
KB: Oh my gosh. Most perfect response ever, hands down. There is only one way I can adequately reply to that.... *makes the Face That Is Appropriate For All Occasions*
KB: *sisterly fist bump*
VA: End of convo.

Kid in swim lessons: Mr. Jeff! Mr. Jeff! Mr. Jeff! I can say "meow" under the water!
Jeff: *doesn't hear*
Kid: Mr. Jeff! Mr. Jeff!

Grace: So Katie Beth, you've never seen "How to Train Your Dragon" before?
KB: Nope!
Grace: You're gonna love it! IT LOOKS LIKE A CAT!

Phillip: Whenever you get out of swim lessons you always look like you just came back from the Arctic.

Anna: Has Daddy ever had any other jobs that you know of?
KB: Yeah. He was in the Navy.
Anna: I mean other than flying.
KB: When he was a teenager worked at a gas station.
Maggie, Anna, and Patience: *GASP*
Anna: Was he a gangster??

KB: Has Pookums returned to us from afar?
VA: He has. He smells weird and is cranky.

William: I weally don't want to do a thecwet mission.

Patience: You're wearing Chrithtmath pantth.
KB: They're not Christmas pants!
Patience: They have red on them.
KB: So? Just because someone wears red doesn't mean they're celebrating Christmas! Sometimes my face has red on it. Do you think that means my face celebrates Christmas all the time?
Patience: Your hair ith. *quiet for a little bit* Your fathe ith red becauth you get thunburn. Apparently the thun thelebratheth Chrithtmath all the time.

Nick: *stares at the hole where the trash can's supposed to go* Well that's not a convenient hole.

Camp kid 1: How old are you?
KB: Guess!
Camp kid 2: FORTY!
Camp kid 3: THIRTEEN!

KB: Hey William, what's the name of your bunny again?
William: Um... I don't know.
KB: *trying to give hints because he can never remember* Doesn't it rhyme with... 'oody' or something? [The rabbit's name is "Trudi Rudi."]
William: Oh, yeah. Ooty Booty.

Rebecca: I've been getting headaches when I look at things close.
KB: How close?
Rebecca: Well, I was looking at my nose....

Playing cards:
KB: *looking at my hand* Oh, this is such a confusing hand. My soul is so conflicted.
Philip: I'm sorry you're conflicted. You can have a banana if you want.

Hana: I was in the bathroom and I checked my phone and I thought, "That's weird. Why don't I have any texts from Katie Beth? I usually have a text from Katie Beth by nine-thirty!" Then I realized, "...Oh. Because she's sleeping in the other room." I felt smart.

Michael: It smells like girl in here.

Talking about what kind of tattoo Brianne would probably suggest:
Patrick: You're probably gonna say something really descriptive. It'll be like "a bulldog giving birth."
Brianne: Haha, WHAT??
Patrick: I dunno, it's just the first thing that came to my mind.

During Harry Potter:
Timmy: I am the lonely nerd forever. With these glasses, I bear loneliness.

John: i want to distract you for a minute or 5
Katie: you're gonna distract me from Bonquiqui?!?!?
John: hm
that does seem... yes, yes, i am

Becca: When the new Chik-Fil-A opens I get to sing the National Anthem.
Lindsay: That's cool. Do you get to stand up on the thing in the middle? Where they have the salt and pepper?

Virginia, angrily: I probably have the cleanest ears in the family! I clean them out every day!

Anna: William, you're sick. I think you have the dying disease.
William: *skeptically* I don't FEEEEEEEEEEL like dyin'.
Anna: But William, you're sick! You've already died three times in the last two weeks!

KB: Virginia, how can you wear size 3 of pantaloons and I wear size 5 and we're the same?
VA: Well I guess we're not the same cuz they fit me perfectly.
KB: You have a muffin top, don't you.
VA: No!
KB: Yes you do!! You ha--

VA: Maybe it's cuz I have less hips than you.
KB: FEWER hips, Virginia.

Amp: I feel like I just walked into Willy Wonka's factory and ate all the candy in the world and married an Oompa Loompa.

Nic: I don't know the names of any professional football players except Michael Jordan.

Daddy: That's the shirt you're wearing to church?
William: Uh huh!
Daddy: Well that's... interesting....
William: *reassuringly* But it hath a pooooooocket.

Teaching swim lessons:
KB: Ok y'all, I'm gonna give you a break and we're gonna do some fins.
Mia: I LOVE YOU!!!!!

VA: Ok William, you ready to read "My Little Book of Sharing"?
KB: Virginia, I thought you said "My Little Book of Shame."
VA: I WROTE The Book of Shame.

Editing the stick figure self-portrait of me in the head guard report:
KB: Am I keeping the shorts?
David: No, erase those too.
KB: They're on there pretty good....
David: They're shorts, they should come right off.

VA: Anna, stop talking nonsense!
Anna: It's not nonsense, it's... Larry Boy!

Patience: I know something you don't know.
KB: And what is that?
Patience: I'm not going to tell you.

Mommy: Santa doesn't come unless all the little kids are in bed!
Maggie: Santa doesn't come ANYWAY.

William: Did dey have Toy Thtowy?
KB: Yes they did!
William: Did you GET Toy Thtowy?
KB: Yes I did!
William: Did you bwing it HOME?
KB: Yes I did!
William: Ah we gonna WATCH it?
KB: Yes we are!
William: Ooohhh good! I LOVE dat movie!
KB: How would you know? You've never seen it!
William: Yeth I have! I have it on my undewpantth.

KB: What did you give Emma for her birthday?
Si: ...................................Um............................ *thinking really hard*.......................................Um...............................................................
KB: You don't remember?
Si: *suddenly remembers* Something I didn't buy. My mom got it in Savannah. I had no idea she even had it.

David: Go to bed! I have work tomorrow.

Jordan: um… so a spider just crawled out of this customer's computer
that's not okay

Nic: There are the guys that you can't smell at all, and the guys that stink, and the guys that use too much cologne.
VA: .................And then there are the guys that are juuuuuuust right.

William: *sticks his tongue out*
Rebecca: Hey, be nice!
William: Can I peathe thtick my tongue out at you?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Mi casa es NO su casa

I don't make New Years resolutions. I just wanted to throw that out there at the beginning, in case you thought reviving the blog was one of them. I didn't make resolutions to NOT make resolutions (which would be counterproductive), of course, I just don't make resolutions because I think they're silly and pointless and why do you have to resolve at the beginning of the year? If you want to change something, why don't you just DO it?

That being said, I had a Facebook poll a couple days ago on whether I should get back into blogging, and eight whole people responded--six in the affirmative, two with smart remarks--so I'm taking that as a good sign. It's late at night, I'm heading into what promises to be a hectic week, and my fingers are cold, which makes it just like old times. A great time for dusting off blogs, if you ask me.

By the way, is it weird to talk about Facebook on your blog?

Anyhoo, so I have a life now. It's weird, I know, and completely out of character, but I'm having fun with it. Even when I'm by myself I manage to keep myself entertained. Last night I went to a pig pickin'/jam session (I guess I could just call it a "pickin'") with my family and our bluegrass friends. I had to drive separately because I didn't get off work until after the thing was supposed to start.

We all know I'm directionally challenged, so Daddy left me a voicemail with the exact address so I could put it in my GPS (which he kindly gave me for Christmas last year, so I could stop using his), and pretty clear driving directions just in case the GPS wasn't good enough (always a possibility).

I followed the GPS out into the country, and the GPS and Daddy's directions matched up, so I wasn't worried. Eventually the little computer voice said, "Arriving at destination, on left." I thought I remembered Daddy saying it was on the right, but I couldn't remember for sure, so I passed it, looking around for anywhere with a bunch of cars. I didn't really see any, so I turned around and double-checked that the little sign I'd passed had the right address on it. It did, so I turned into the driveway.

It was a long driveway, but I knew Daddy had said something about "the first house right on the road, and another one off the road," and "you don't want the first one, you want the second one." So I kept driving. I passed one or two unoccupied-looking or at least unparty-fied-looking, so I kept going until I came to the third one, which had lights on and eight or ten cars parked in the yard, including a big white van. I figured it must be the place, so I pulled up in an empty spot and parked.

As I was getting out, a guy about my age walked by and said, "Hey" as he got something out of the truck next to me. Then he walked back toward the house, and I followed him. We walked up the porch steps, past a smoking pig-cooker, and he held the door open for me to go inside.

There were about five or ten seconds of complete silence as I stared at them and they stared at me. And I stared at them and they stared at me some more. I was pretty sure I had never been to a pig pickin' or a jam session that consisted of about eight college-age guys and three girls. The confusion was clearly mounting on their part and the hilarity of the situation on mine, and I thought I'd better say something before I lost control and broke down laughing in this mystery kitchen.

"So... wrong house?" I said.

"....Think so...." they said.

"Huh. I saw all the cars and a white van like my family's, and I thought this was the right place..." I mused, mostly to myself.

"The Budweiser van?" said a guy who seemed to own the place. Whaddya know, it was a Budweiser van, now that I looked at it.

"Huh," I said again.

It was getting funnier by the second, and the girls started to giggle, which didn't help my composure any. Two more minutes in there and I would have gone into hysterics and not stopped laughing for weeks.

To avoid that embarrassing ending to what was an otherwise chummy meeting, I made my way back to the door.

"Well, I'll see y'all later," I said. "Oh, do you know which house is 3932?" I asked the guy, who had kindly followed me the four feet to the door to see me out.

He poked his head out the door and looked around like he expected it to materialize in the yard. "I ain't got a clue," he finally said. That was obvious to all present by then, but it was nice of him to make an effort.

"Aight, well, thanks!" I said, and I left. Then I called Daddy and asked him where the heck WAS this place and which side of the road did he say it was on? Turns out the number actually went with a different house (no kidding), which was across the street from the place I was supposed to be. I didn't tell him about my adventure. I was still giggling too much to be able to tell it anything like calmly, which was a good call, because when I tried to tell it to Virginia later that night I laughed so hard I actually did go into hysterics, and so did she, and I could barely finish the story.

I guess it would be embarrassing if I thought I'd ever see those people again, but even if I did, I don't think I'd recognize them. I bet they'd recognize me, though, and if they ever do, I hope they won't try to save my feelings. I can only imagine what was going through their heads when I appeared in their kitchen, and I hope they'll mention it, even if the laughing incapacitates me for a month.