Let me just TELL you...

...about Christmas dinner. Oh my goodness. Now most of you know that I don't live to eat. In fact, if I didn't have to, I probably would almost never eat. But I would eat that Christmas dinner all day, every day.

We had venison filet mignon, bacon-wrapped and everything. That alone would have been amazing enough, but we had beans (sauted in lemon juice and onions for that perfect "mmmmmmmmmhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm" taste), mashed potato casserole (that stuff melts in your mouth, lemme tell ya what), country ham (SALT. SALT. SALT.), and biscuits ("Better than Bojangle's. Fo'real."). And as if that wasn't enough to keep us moaning in glorious ecstasy for months, Mrs. Allen brought a wondrous homemade chocolate torte for dessert.

I had some more (of everything) a couple nights ago for a snack*. It was almost just as good as the first time.

I do not have pictures, because you'd all be drooling all over your keyboards and that's gross.

I do, however, have a very bad picture (courtesy of the webcam at night) of my new haircut, not like you haven't all seen it on Facebook by now, and not like it has anything to do with this post anyway. But that's ok.



Goodnight!

*Note: Katie Beth's "snacks" are normally what anyone else would call "meals."

Merry Christmas everyone!

Rejoice!

And tell me how it went, because I'm going to investigate that FABULOUS food I'm smelling. ;-)

Gerbils, Jelly Bears, and Epic Dramas

I'm at Hana's house, on Hana's Mac, on Hana's sofa. Next to Hana. She added that part. We were supposed to play with the two little girls after dinner, but we were looking at ancient pictures of ourselves and they were bored.

"What are we gonna DO?" asked Mary Asta.
"...Write a book," I said. As always. I'm very creative.
"Naawww!" said Mary Asta.
"Yes!" I said, having a stroke of brilliance. "Write us a story and we'll act it out for you!"

Her little face started to light up, but she was still dubious.

"Go ahead!" I said. "But you'd better go fast, cuz it's almost your bedtime!"

Mary Asta raced up stairs as fast as her little feet would take her. Soon she came back down with a paper and started asking us how to spell words. The culmination of her story is below. Spelling, plot holes, and all.

***

One day two gerbels. Two gerbils appear on the floor. We shall call one Hana and one Katie Beth. They have nibbly teeth. Thy were waaking along and one said Why don’t we have a party. "Why don't we have a party?" says one gerbil. The other thought that was a great idea. "I think that is a great idea!" says the other. Thy started to put up stremers The gerbils start to hang streamers. "But we can't reach the ceiling," the Katie Beth gerbil says. "No!" says the narrator. "You don't have a ceiling!" "Oh! We don't have a ceiling," say the Gerbils, displaying what are undoubtedly signs of an impending giggle fit. "What are we supposed to hang streamers on then?" "On your cage!" says the narrator. "Oh! On the cage!" say the Gerbils, giggling even more. "How are we supposed to be walking around in a cage?" giggles the Hana gerbil. what color will the be icing for the cake? "It will be purple," says the Katie Beth gerbil. It will be blue. "Oh! It will be blue." says the Katie Beth gerbil, and the two gerbils have another giggle fit. Then Thy started to make the bater. The gerbils go crazy making batter. But suddenly the bater exploded!!! "AAHHH!!!" shriek the gerbils, falling over. The narrator and her helper giggle insanely. Thy laughed and laughed The gerbils laugh a lot. but finely Thy cleaned it up. "Oh," says the Hana gerbil. "I don't like cleaning up." But they clean up anyway. Then Thy made the cake The gerbils stir the newly restored batter wildly. it was beautiful. "It's beautiful!" say the gerbils. Win it was done. Thy had a wonderful time. "They had a wonderful time!" said the narrator. The gerbils have a wonderful time.

***

After we finished Mary Asta's story, we had to write her and Lily Ava a story.

***

[Katie Beth's handwriting] Once upon a time there were two giant Japanese jelly bears. "You're the jelly bears," says the Hana narrator. They were very snazzy. "What does snazzy mean?" asked the Mary Asta bear. "It means… awesome looking," says the Katie Beth narrator. "…and glittery." The jelly bears begin jumping and racing around in circles. They had two pet people and they took them for walks every day. "Take your pets for walks!" say the narrators. The bears begin walking their pets.

On one of these walks the two bears and their pets came across a broken bicycle. The bears look down. "Oh!" said the bears. "Oh!" "There is a bike. What shall we do with it?" "What shall we do with it?" says the Mary Asta bear to the Lily Ava bear. "Ah we boofit?" said the Lily Ava bear. The Mary Asta bear does most of the talking since the Lily Ava bear has some problems with communication, notably annunciation. These jelly bears, by the way, were not married. The jelly bears, in their traditional Japanese kimonos with long pockets denoting singleness, giggle. One had pigtails. "That's you," says the Hana narrator to the Lily Ava bear. "No baids," says the Lily Ava bear. "No, braids," translates the Hana narrator for the benefit of the Katie Beth narrator. "We'd better change it to braids."

Suddenly the house exploded, as suggested by the Mary Asta bear before our drama begins. "What house?" asks the Mary Asta bear. "Uhh... THE house!" says the Katie Beth narrator. The jelly bears shriek, causing the narrators to cover their ears. "Wow," said the bears. "Wow!" say the bears. "I didn't know we had a house." "Me neither!" says the Mary Asta bear. The narrators have another unexpected giggle fit. But this did not solve the problem of the bike.

[Hana's handwriting] "I think we should jump up and down around the bike. Maybe that will fix it." One said to the other. "Oh!" said the bears, completely forgetting to relay this part of the drama in their excitement. They jump around.

Suddenly a great green gooey THING dropped out of the trees and scared them so silly that the Jelly bear with pigtails—"Braids," says the Hana narrator. "Braids," resumes the Katie Beth narrator—jumped into the arms of the other Jelly bear. The Jelly bears, who have acquired capitalization, look confused. "Lily Ava, you leap into Mary Asta's arms," says the Hana narrator. The Lily Ava bear gives an uncertain little hop, and the Mary Asta bear throws her arms around her. They squeak.

"That's my bicycle." Said the great green gooey THING! "I like it broken. Would you like some gerbils who bake cakes?"

[Katie Beth's handwriting] "Well sure!" said the Jelly Bears. "Sure!" say the Jelly Bears, who have finally acquired complete capitalization at the very end of our epic drama. And out jumped two cake-baking gerbils, armed with spoons and spatulas! Two gerbils who look suspiciously like narrators leap onto the stage. The Jelly Bears look confused and startled, but go along with it. "Hello!" they said, lifting the two Giant Jelly Bears into the air while the Jelly Bears' pets scampered off to their homelands. "Wait!" says the Mary Asta bear. She scampers off to the play kitchen and gets spoons and spatulas. "Hello!" they said again, lifting the two Giant Jelly Bears into the air while the Jelly Bears' pets scampered off to their homelands. "Hello!!!" say the narrator-gerbils, lifting the two Jelly Bears into the air. The Jelly Bears giggle loudly.

And so the Jelly Bears and the Gerbils lived happily ever after and ate cakes all day. "Do we have to keep holding them?" asks the Hana narrator. "No," says the Katie Beth narrator.

"Ha ha!" says the Katie Beth narrator as she transcribes the drama. "As I was typing it out I accidentally typed 'and they lived happily ever fater'."
"Oh the irony," said the Hana narrator. "I know what YOU think about eating cake!"

THE END

***

Quotables!

Because you've all been waiting so very impatiently. Didn't your mothers teach you better?

***

Shannon O: There's something wrong with us.

Shannon O: I need to go dunk my head in water or marshmallows or sometihng

Katie Beth's status: To run... or to die... that is the question
Jesse: DIE!!!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Katie: I will not, thankyou very much

Jesse: Then there's not really any question, is there.

;-P

Katie: not really

but thank you for your unconcern

Jesse: you're welcome, any time.

Glad to.

If ever you need any unconcern, I'm here.

and cheap.

Katie: free, apparently

Jesse: No, that was just a complementary service that I offer, just to kinda get the word out, you kno.

know*

Advertising.

Katie: aha

so normally you get paid a little bit for your unconcern?

Jesse: It's not a very friendly business to be in, people aren't very smart these days, they pay me to be unconcerned, but then get their feelings hurt when I do what they payed me for, not very logical.

Right.

Katie: hum

Jesse: Would you like to use my services?

Katie: I just did

without even asking

they were, so to speak, thrust upon me

Jesse: Ten dollars a month, now through the end of this year.

=D

Katie: no thank you!

that's not cheap

Jesse: I told you, that was just a trial period of sorts.

Katie: well I'm cancelling the subscription!

Jesse: Oh, I'm sorry.

I wish I could help, but I'm kinda broke myself.

I sencerely hope you can pull through these tough financial times.

(notice how concerned I am)

(that's 'cause you haven't signed up yet)

(I'll keep being concerned until you do)

Katie: (oh, I get it)

(ok)

Jesse: (Let me know when you want to sign up)

Katie: (ok)

Jesse: (why are these stupid parentheses things around everything we say?)

(It's like we're wispering or something.)

Katie: (you started it)

Jesse: (spsbsdfdsdrbesrtdtkatiebethasdrpoisduf; ajseufpasdjrkeusiapj)

Katie: (thank you)
Jesse's new status: UNCONCERNED INC! NOW GIVING OUT FREE FIVE MINUTE TRIAL PERIODS! TEN DOLLARS PER MONTH NOW THROUGH THE END OF THIS YEAR! IM ME TODAY!

Jesse: (What do you think?)

Katie: (I think you should sign up)

Jesse: (Me? To my own business? That wouldn't exactly help, would it.)

Katie: (You would be less concerned for yourself, certainly. Then you wouldn't care.)

Hana: My ambiance has flown completely out the window! Shut up!

Patience: I'm going to call the polithe. Ring ring ring! We need you really.
Everyone else: *laughs*
Patience: We need you really MUCH!

Someone in my online lit class, regarding Oedipus: ...he just loses it and takes Jocasta's brochures and sticks them in his eyes until he can't see anymore.

KB: Why is there a bagel in a bag on the table?
Hana: Because I was going to feed it to the ducks. But there were no ducks. There was not even a hint of a duck! But there was a BLUE HERON like HALF A MILE away.

Patience: FAIL.

Shannon O: We need to create quotables tonight.

Nala: I'm wearing floaties to bed...and you can't stop me

Katie: ........you have floaties?

Nala: sorry about the change of subject

I'll get them some how

Katie: no, it's ok, I just didn't know you had floaites

floaties*

oh :-D

I took Pookums swimming yesterday

Nala: I just learned that you can possibly drown in blankets

Katie: he didn't really trust the floaty

oh yes?

Nala: yes

o.o
Links me to a picture showing a girl sprawling in quilts
Comment thread:
Hana: she LOOKS like she was drowning in the blankets...but because blankets can't drown a person...
Emily: or CAN they??
Hana: Are you trying to tell me something I don't know?! This might be crucial to me getting through the night without dying!
Emily: i'm just sayin... wear floaties to bed.
Hana: O.O OK! Will DO.

Katie: oh my heavens

I'll be back, I have to go to the Y real quick O_O

Nala: O.O

WHY?!

Katie: to get floaties!!!

Nala: IT'S 11 O'CLOCK

OH

ok

you do that

have fun with that

Katie: actually on second though

thought*

I'll do it later

I'll take my chances tonight

I'll warn VA to save me if I start to gurgle

Nala: ok

sounds good

you could sleep on your back too, that way you're floating

Katie: that's true

I'll have to hold my breath

Nala: or just keep your head above the blankets

Katie: oh, absolutely :-D

Nala: I should wear my goggles

Patience: *puts the Little Monster CD into the computer* *clicks randomly* Ith it even going to thtart?
KB: *goes over to help* I don't know. Does Little Monster even work?
Patience: Doeth Little Monthter even work! NAW! He'th LITTLE MONTHTER!

Nala: note to self: dont' skip around corners that have tiled floors when wearing slippery socks

Katie: bahaha!!

did you just die?

Nala: almost

let's just say the wall got awful friendly all of a sudden

KB: Hi, chicken.
Patience: *with accompanying belly-dance moves* HelLOOOOO, little angel of my crew. *wiggle wiggle wiggle*

Virginia: http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/2003-06-15/

HAHAHAHAHA

or have you seen that already?

Katie: haha

yes

today

Virginia: is it not hilarious?

Katie: it is most assuredly hilarious

Virginia: I died

Katie: should we have a funeral?

Virginia: only if you'll read Dilbert comics out loud

Katie: hum

well, ok

if you insist

Virginia: I want my funeral to be humerous...and bring back memories of me

and what caused my death...or something

Nala:

ok, NOW you killed me

Katie: LOL

Nala: geez, I KNEW it wasn't going to be the floor and slippery socks that killed me, but YOU and your stupid quotables

:P

Anna: *singing* And it's dangerous to call the schoolmaster stupid. Cuz then he'll call you Rufus, and everyone will be like, "Rufus! Rufus!"

Genise: What do you do with a victim with a spinal injury?
Rose: You jump in and make the biggest splash you can!
Drew: And then you swim the butterfly to them! And then you grab their head and yank them to shore!
Genise: Uh, NO.
Drew: Ok, no. You slide in up to your neck, and go up to them like... like an anaconda!
Genise: I'm not even listening anymore.
Rose: But she's saying the right stuff now!
Drew: You swim up to them like an anaconda! *makes snakey motions* *eyes get all big*
KB: And then you BITE THEM!
Drew: No, no! Anacondas don't bite, they SQUEEEEZE the LIFE out of you!

Rose: ...and then Jon comes in, not even dressed...
Genise, Drew, and KB: *die laughing*

Rose: I look like a twelve-year-old with no eyebrows.
Drew: What about that picture?
Rose: Oh, yeah, I was pretty excited about that picture. I still look twelve, but at least I have eyebrows!

Nala: water up, my flame flower

:-D

Katie: hahahahahhaah

WOW

Nala: which is much the same as "peace out, KB"

Katie: got it :-D

fire down, Pyre girl! ;-)

Watching the Morse Code scene in The Hunt For Red October:
Virginia: Hee! They couldn't just use EMAIL?

Patience: Katie Beth, I don't know what ta do.
KB: Ummm... write a book.
Patience: I don't know how to read.

Patience: Touch my hand.
KB: Uh... why? *gingerly touches her palm with one finger*
Patience: No, over here.
KB: *does* Why? ...Did you lick it?!
Patience: Uh huh!

After reading a blog entry:

Nala: YOU ARE IN FINE FORM

my GOSH

Nala: you realize you have the coolest semi-initials ever, right?

KBG?

Katie: mmhmm

Nala: that's like...rearrange them and you get KGB

Katie: (I have been gypped. My Milky Way bar was missing the crunchy.)

yup

which is totally evil

Nala: :-D

you are

Katie: uh huh :-D

and my real initials are KEG

so really I'm just a redheaded beer drinkin' communist

which, if you ask me, is an absolutely terrifying combination

Nala: exactly

:-D

I always KNEW there was a reason to be terrified of you, but for some reason, all I can do is laugh in the face of your terror

it might be MY initials

HAH

I haff been editing

I finally sat down and edited some of those photos I took a few weeks ago. Ok, I admit it, it's because the Almost Done With Finals headiness is upon me, and I should be studying for tomorrow's math final, but hey, I've got all tomorrow morning to do that, right?

(Yes, I know it's Sunday. I had a lot of study Sundays in high school, and college is no different.)

So first I snapped a picture of my choker to put on Facebook. I can't decide if I like it better with more contrast or less.

(Click all photos to enlarge.)

Then I was editing the actual pictures of yours truly. I started out pretty normal...

Then I just went NUTS playing with blending modes.

(While we're loading pictures, how is it that I always see these giveaways from this wonderful woman AFTER they're over? My soul weeps at the thought that I COULD have had a CHANCE at winning Photoshop CS4. Even if I had known I wouldn't have gotten it, the soul weeps at the missed chance. What the heck. By the way, I'm addicted to her Confessions blog. Ree, you're welcome.)

Truly, I scare myself.

Then I decided I'd better do something normal before I went completely insane.

And finally, to redeem myself, I have cute siblings.

(I love little William's look of intense concentration.)

Now a question for you: Which one's your favorite? Least favorite?

On Mothers and Stuff

First of all...

The mother is giving us soup for dinner. Again.

Soup is for sick people. Not one of us is sick. Not one of us could even pretend to pass for an invalid. I have a cough, but a little cough has never prevented my healthy American molars from chewing good beef.

And yet she continues to serve us soup. CHICKEN soup.

"But I have chicken," she says.

"Chicken shmicken," says I. I don't care if you ARE a chicken, I'm not sick and that stuff is NOT going to fill me up.

And don't you even start on that "If you don't like what she's serving make it yourself" nonsense. Here I am trying to train up my mother in the way she should go (and when she is old she will not depart from it) and I don't need any of your lip. You just stay out of how I want to raise my parents.

And for another thing...

She wouldn't let me Expound In Great Detail last night in the car. After making us suffer through 10 minutes of Mr. NPR explaining every single song in his nasally voice (she lets HIM expound but not me), because, and I quote, "But there might be more music!", a song finally came on of which I did not approve. The first two verses went something like this:

If I were a little swallow
With my little wings I'd fly
I'd sit by the side of my true love
Until the day I die

"But that's only one verse," you say. Why yes, yes it is. But they were both about the same, so that one counts for both.

In case you're wondering, there were more verses, but I mostly missed the rest because I was busy expounding (before I was rudely cut off in mid-expound).

So anyway, in the first verse he was a sparrow, and in the second he was a swallow, and I get the impression that both of these little flighted animals spend their lives in the same general manner.

Not only was the song sung badly, it was a very boring tune, and it was spent spouting either useless and untrue information about sparrows and swallows, or common knowledge information that any small child could find in a large cardboard book.

1. The singer was not either a sparrow or a swallow or a feathered being of any kind, unless he wanted to wait until he met me in a dark alley, where I would have tarred and feathered him.
2. We all know that little birdies fly with their little wings. Why do we need to hear it again, and in such tuneless fashion?
3. Said little birdies do not sit by the sides of their true loves, until the day they die, unless they happen to have a sudden heart attack while in the nest, which is something that I doubt happens to birds very frequently, simply because they don't have to pay taxes and things like that.

There. I have expounded. And she couldn't stop me.

That's what she gets for making soup all the time.

In other news...

Putting bacon in your eggs is weird. It's like crossing a pig and a chicken.

Twilight Director Catherine Hardwicke Gets the Boot

If you've been following the Lex in the last couple of days you'll know that Catherine Hardwicke has been booted from New Moon (the sequel to Twilight), and the gears are in motion to find a new director. You can read the full statement here.

The gist is that Catherine will not be directing New Moon due to time constraints. Summit's target date for New Moon is late 2009 or early 2010 (if you're quick, you'll realize that that's only about a year away), and Catherine is apparently unable to get a sequel out there in time. So she's out. So far I haven't heard anything about her resenting getting the boot, but I haven't looked real hard either. I mean, I'm sure she's not real thrilled, but until I hear otherwise, I'm going to assume it was a effectively a mutual decision and that there are no hard feelings.

So now Luchina Fisher of ABC News has written an article about this, in what is essentially yet another feminist temper tantrum--channeled through other female wanna-be gurus, yes--against a predominantly male industry. What bothers me is not that they're upset because they liked the movie. Rather, they're upset because Catherine is a woman.

Well, so what? You want to be treated like men, then you don't want to be treated like men. Make up your mind. Twilight is not the first series to have changed directors in the middle. Every James Bond movie since 1995 (and that's six, for anyone who's counting) has been made by a different director, with the exception of GoldenEye and Casino Royale, which were both directed by Martin Campbell. Daniel Craig starred in both the 2006 Casino Royale and the 2008 Quantum of Solace, but these movies had different directors. Nobody's pitchin' a hissy fit over that one.

There are rumors that Catherine was not fired because of time, but because she was "difficult" and "irrational" during Twilight. The commenter went on to say that, "That doesn't mean anything when you're talking about a filmmaker because they all are, but still..." So why bring it up? Not only did Nikki Finke quote it, but Fisher repeated it, adding that "...some industry watchers question whether Hardwicke was treated fairly."

Not one of these women would complain if a male director was fired for being ornery. In fact, they would probably applaud the one doing the firing for finally exhibing fairness in the film industry, or something like that. And I'm not saying Catherine was ornery. All the Twilight cast members seemed to genuinely enjoy working with her. But let's say for argument's sake that she was tough to work with, and that that's the real reason she won't be directing New Moon. So what? If feminists want to be treated like men, they need to stop complaining when their directors are fired for something they wouldn't mind a man being fired for.

But what if timing is the real reason? Nobody seems to believe that. Why not? A year--possibly less--is a quick timeline for a sequel. I could readily believe that Catherine would have trouble filming and completing a movie in that amount of time. With the actors she had and the high expectation she was under, maybe she wanted more time to perfect things. Why is that so hard to believe? These hyper-overreactive women are so sensitive to how they think they should be treated that they can't even consider a logical, non-prejudiced view of this industry.

Then again, what if Summit just didn't like the way the movie was done? That's ok too. That doesn't reflect in any way on Catherine; it just says they think it could be done better with another director. I have absolutely no problem with that.

And maybe it was prejudice and gender discrimination that led Summit to find a new and, hopefully, better director. I'm not denying that it happens. I'm just saying we shouldn't assume it. Hollywood ladies, look at the facts and the statements before you get your undies in a bunch with all kinds of assumptions and implications of blame that no one can or will prove.

Twilight wasn't the best movie I've ever seen. It could have been done so much better. So instead of worrying abaout the sequel and bashing Summit for letting Catherine go, let's just wait for New Moon and enjoy any positive changes that this new director creates, shall we? I for one am willing to take the chance. It's not like we have a choice.

Prayer request

I'm really really really stressed out right now, and prayers would be much appreciated. Below are the reasons for the stress, in no particular order:

• I'm in the middle of finals. I have one more Psychology paper to do, and I'm not positive I did the other one well but I don't really have the time or the inclination to revise it. I also have the Psychology test. I have a very low 90 average in this class, and I really really want an A. Due Wednesday. Y'all know how I am about grades. I have a persuasive speech for Public Speaking, and I'm dreading it. I'm really worried about how I'm going to get good sources and visual aids for a speech on why guns should be allowed on campus, and my outline is due Tuesday. The speech is Saturday. I also have a low 90 average in THIS class. I'm basically done with Microeconomics, but, like I predicted but hoped wouldn't happen, the teacher uploaded one more test, available this Monday through Thursday. I was ready to take it earlier this week, but it wasn't up yet. One more thing piled on. I have a high 90's average in this class. I have one last English essay due Friday. I'm still not sure I get the whole citing thing for drama. I have a 99 average though, so I'm not worried. I have no idea when our math final is, but it's just one more thing to do.

• We have a mandatory in-service on Wednesday (same day Psych is due). It's basically a weed-out in-service, and if we're not perfect, we're fired. No joke. We have to swim the lifeguard 500 (ten laps, no stops, no floor-touching), tread water, no hands, for two minutes, go down feet first, go out from the wall and go down hands first, go down hands first, pick up the 10 lb. brick and swim it back to the other end of the pool, and take a written test. I swam the 500 last night and this afternoon, so I know I can do that, but I'm still (irrationally) afraid that I won't have enough energy to finish it. It also takes me absolutely forever, and even though we're not timed, most people in the world are better swimmers than me. About the test, I didn't certify at this Y, so we had a different book. I've never seen this book before. Everyone says it's easy and that the questions are mostly common-sense, but I still don't know what the questions ARE, and we have to get them all right. On top of all that, the boss emailed us and said to bring our certification cards for CPRO, First Aid, Lifeguarding, and Oxygen. I'm CPR/First Aid certified (not CPRO), but not oxygen. Our employment status is contingent on all of this.

• Lack of sleep. Worry about all of this is causing me to be exhausted and not sleep well. I'm also emotional. Of course.

So that's what's going on. What you can pray for:

• Peace, trust, faith, tranquility, etc. Non-worry. You get it.
• The ability to study well and know my material. All of it.
• Confidence.
• Rest.
• Time to get all of this done.
  
• That all this work stuff will get worked out and that I'll be able to keep my job.
• Success.

Thanks in advance, y'all. :-) I'm going to bed.

Of Green Toes and Other Things

We had brussel sprouts for dinner, and I had an epiphany for dessert. Wait, no. We didn't have brussel sprouts FOR dinner. I mean, we did, but they weren't the main dealio. The main dealio was chicken. But the dessert part was totally on.

So I had an epiphany (For dessert! And I keep mispelling both of those words.). I can't imagine why I didn't realize this before. All these years I could have saved myself just a little bit more angst (I'm an angsty person. I admit it.). I could have gone without just a little bit more squirming.

I don't like shapey foods. All foods have shapes, but some foods have abnormal shapes. The brussel sprouts revealed this to me tonight. I don't really mind brussel sprouts. In fact, when I was little, Daddy and I had great fun calling them "green toes" and grossing Mommy out. Daddy does NOT like brussel sprouts and Mommy does NOT like toes, so it worked out well.

Anyway, brussel sprouts never really bothered me, but they still... bothered me. I've never known why, but I feel sort of squirmy when I eat them. Tonight I realized why. They are abnormally shaped. They look like tiny cabbages. Miniature foods are abnormally shaped foods, and therefore, brussel sprouts make me squirm inside. And sometimes outside too.

This explains why gummy bears have always been sort of weird, and why those wheel-shaped noodles are unpalatable. I don't really like boxed mac'n'cheese anyway, but those wheel things are just weird. Also vegetable soup. Sorta goofy.

So now you know. And I guess more importantly, now I know, too.

Strangely, I never really minded those dinosaur gummy snack things, other than the fact that the sugar gives me a headache and the food coloring tastes funny. I'm sure there is significance hidden somewhere deep within this fact. I'll let you know.