Thursday, January 15, 2009

Red herring! Red herring!

Some of you may have noticed that I secretly read Highlights magazine on occasion. Or you may have not, but after this post any shreds of an adult reputation I may have had will be completely gone anyway.

I was reading the February issue of Highlights today (it's called procrastination, or something), and I came upon a story entitled "The Lost Mittens." It involves a small child named Matt who wants to go out and ride his new sled (this child has snow, unlike some of us) but cannot find his mittens. Are they on the table? No, they are not. Are they by his boots? No, they are not. They are not in his dresser or under his bed.

Finally Matt looks out the window and espies the snowman he had so deftly created the day before (it is either a very small snowman or he had a lot of help, but apparently these kind of details aren't important to the narrative). The snowman is sporting two mittens. In fact, it is sporting the very mittens that our young protagonist needs to ride his sled.

The story ends with this description of the snowman's stickwear, and says, "That's where his mittens were!"

Now I don't know about you, but it seems to me that this story is lacking some serious resolution. Yeah, the kid found his mittens, but did anyone else notice that where his mittens were wasn't the original problem? The original problem was that he wanted to ride the sled and needed something to wear on his hands. Now he's found his mittens, but they're outside and all cold and stiff and icy, so he still has nothing to wear on his hands when he goes sledding. The original (reasonable) problem was replaced by another one, and the second problem was answered but the first was not.

This bothers me.

I mentioned this to Virginia, who replied, "They thought kids were stupid! But HA, you can't fool them, because you, the 20-year-old, figured it out!"

Since I can't save myself now, I will end by saying that Virginia also secretly reads Highlights. Now we're even.


Juliet SN said...


I'm glad I'm not the only girl over 10 who still reads Highlights ;-) And besides, what else is there to read at the doctor's office? It's either magazines with oh-so-wonderful gossip stories or Highlights. Easy pick :D

Katie Beth said...

Actually they had Wired Magazine at the dentist the other day! I was so excited. :-D

Virginia said...


Oh wait, I do.

Nala said...

ROFL!!! I LOVE Highlights! I got a highlights coloring book in the mail last semester and had no clue HOW it got there, but happily took it home, and Jill confiscated it. She colored it, and did all the sticker things. It was fun to watch, at the very least. I think you ought to write a letter to the editor and tell him the problem with the story. Least to say, with your handwriting, you might get away with being a kid. :-D

in other news, my word verification is costledu... I have no clue what THAT means.