Patience: Daddy, don't worry, I am going to eat the orange, I'm just going to athk Mommy a quethtion.
Daddy: Well Mommy's going potty.
Patience: Ohh. Well it would be kind of awkward for me to athk her a quethtion right now.
William: You thmell like thunburn.
KB: I don't know what that means....
William: Well you do. I am gettin' away fwom hewe.
Trying to point something out to me in a hockey stadium full of people:
Rose: Ok, you see the guy with the pants?
Trying to figure out how to turn someone down:
David: Katie Beth, you're heartless, help me out here.
Overheard in an argument between Patience and Anna:
Anna: YOU HAVE RHEUMATISM!
William: Daddy, should I wear long-thleeve pantth?
Anna: Katie Beth, you just made me throw up in my brain.
Si: Jericho runs really fast! She runs as fast as a little pig!
Eric: How can we not be as popular as we think we are?!
VA: See my ring?
Patience: It lookth weird.
VA: Your face looks weird!
Patience: You look weird!
VA: I’ve been getting cold at night, so I’ve started wearing... a sweatshirt!
KB: Virginia... what do you see me wearing?
VA: A sweatshirt. That’s where I got the idea.
KB: You know the worst part about the tub drain getting clogged?
VA: Your feet get hot.
VA: *walks into the room* Where is my super suit? *walks out* *walks into the bathroom* Here it is.
VA: I forgot my ring.
Mom: We have time if you want me to turn around and get it.
VA: What? No! I don’t go to church to show off my accessories!
Patience: *I* go to church for that.
KB: William, pull your pants up.
William: But I’m pantthing mythelf!
Rebecca: Hey Patience, William learned to say his s’s. Now it’s your turn.
Nic’s estimation of how we girls feel around a creepy guy at the dance:
“I feel violated when he smiles.”
KB: So what have you been doing at the Joyners’?
William: *thinks really hard* Weeeewww..... NO THCHOOL!
Mrs. Joyner: That’ll change tomorrow... he’s only been here for a Saturday.
William: Can I have lunch?
KB: Yeah, what would you like?
William: I don’t know.
I find him in the sandbox a few minutes later
KB: William, I thought you wanted lunch?
William: Oh yeah, I do. But you can make it.
Patience, explaining an episode of MASH: Her huthband wath affairing with thomeone elthe.
Cason: We turned Hana into a drinking game.
VA: Well at least they weren’t hooligans who just wanted to steal your cleaning supplies or something.
VA: I’d like to floss my teeth. That’s all I want from life.
VA: This is super tragic.
Katrina: One of my friends wants a baby pikeyporn nope WRONG WORD. PORCUPINE.
KB: Is that a potato?
Lindsay: I don’t know, but it’s cute.
KB: Oh, it’s a cat... I thought it was a potato....
Katrina: It’s not a potato?
Tiny kid in the locker room: *very calmly* I jutht have to pee tho bad.
VA: What I really wanna do with my life is crawl into a hole and go to sleep.
KB: I know. Do you want some Advil?
Eric: I have some in the car! I have a full bottle of pants. Full of...................... pants.
Patience: What’th a thcholarship?
Rebecca: It’s when they give you money to pay for your school.
Patience: Thoundth boring.
We see a picture of a huge cottonmouth
KB: Well I won’t be swimming in the Pee Dee River in Darlington, South Carolina anytime soon.
VA: I wouldn’t do that anyway with a name like that.
Patience and VA are playing Hangman. Patience writes out a word with like twenty letters.
Patience starts drawing
VA: What?! There’s no a in all of that?! Do you even have letters for all those?!
Patience: Um... it’th all q’th.
William: Mommy, I’m thtill hungry.
Mommy: What did you just eat?
Katrina hands me some candy
KB: Why are you handing me this?
Katrina: ...So you can eat it....
KB: Oh! Thank you.
Katrina: I’m handing it to you so you can put it up your nose. Do it now.
Patience: *singing* I eat cookieth every day....
KB: You do?
Patience: Not really. I wath thinging a happy fat thong.
William: Katie Beth, I don’t undahthtand why people believe in Thanta Clauth when he’th not weal.
KB: *not paying attention* Yeah, me neither.
William: *look of ultimate confusion* …...But he giveth uth pwethentth....... and HOW??
William hands Mommy an apple
William: It’th for you!
Mommy: Oh, it’s for me?
William: Yeah! Ya wanna shawe it?
KB: You’d better be thankful you had a kid like Maggie in the batch!
Mommy: Ohh man, I don’t think I’d be sane without her.
Robbie: Those are my cards.
KB: I saw those. Where’d you have them printed?
Robbie: I dunno. California, I think. It was some online website. An online website. I just said that.
Kid 1: I ain’t touchin’ that.
Kid 2: Well you should!
Kid 1: You spit on it!
Kid 2: I cleaned it off with my sock!
Katrina: Lincoln says my ghetto accent doesn’t work... I think I’m gonna prove him wrong.
VA: Hey, when did you get legs?
KB: Um, never, apparently....
VA: But you have more than you used to! You have way more than me, anyway.
KB: Virginia, my legs have fat on them. They are a constant source of affliction.
VA: Yeah, I’m sure the early Christians had that problem. Fire, jail, torture... persecuted with fat legs.