How to Write an Essay 101

I guess it's bad when your dad (of all people) tells you a few times a week that "you haven't posted since DECEMBER 28TH." Yeah, well... well... well nothin', I just didn't.

Sorry.

Tonight, rather than actually writing my admissions essay (due tomorrow), I'd like to teach y'all how to write one, which I think we can all agree is much more fun.

While I do it I'll watch Emma so I can feel like I'm actually accomplishing things.

(Don't worry. I really will write the essay tonight.)

Ok. I'm all set, so here we go. Please listen closely.

Essays Made Easy

1. First of all, you have to read the essay assignment. This part is kind of important since it allows you to actually write an essay that will not be immediately throw in the trash (we hope).

We'll take my essay assignment as an example.

What degree are you seeking at The Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham, why do you want this degree, and how do you expect your education from the Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham to help you obtain your career goals?

2. Second, you should probably check the word requirement to see how long your essay has to be. Make sure you know whether the number refers to words or characters, and whether it means with or without spaces. This will keep you from writing like seven million words and having to cut out about three million when you find out at the last minute that you were supposed to be writing with a character limit, not a word limit. Not that it happened to me personally or anything.

Fortunately the essay I'm supposed to be writing right now is "about 150 words, give or take." I'm glad AI is so specific.

3. Brainstorming comes next. This is when you really get down to business and start getting stuff done. Personally, I printed out the essay question and wrote down ideas underneath. I'll show you my list, so you can get an idea of how to do it really well.

What degree are you seeking at The Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham, why do you want this degree, and how do you expect your education from The Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham to help you obtain your career goals?

(In blue pen):

Graphic design b/c I want to be a graphic designer (design what?). CD's, posters, promotional art, clothing graphics, life (so there).

AI will help by:
- Giving me experience to visualize what the client wants
- Teaching me to complete a project for web and print
- Teaching me diff. aspects of design (type, color, composition)
- Putting me in debt for the rest of my life
- Stealing my soul
- Exposing me to freaks of every disposition
- Taking all my money
- Allowing me to finish college faster
- Crunching my classes into two days
- Did I mention taking all my money?
- Probably traumatizing me b/c Durham is such a hellhole
- But then, so is Henderson
- Dante had obviously been to Durham
- Durham was probably his inspiration, actually
- Don't even try to tell me it isn't true
- Btw i luv art
- Please don't take all that money
- I needs it

(Flip page):

But really... (what do they expect from 150 words anyway? Come on.)

Computer, here I come.

Hm. Well, I started out alright.