Sunday, October 4, 2015


Remember when I wrote other stuff on this blog that one time?


Pat: Where are they, you worm? I mean that in the kindest way.

Becca: I didn’t write that page in my life yet. Are you reading ahead??

Becca: I started this beer and I don’t think I can finish it. I’m a disgrace. A failure. You may begin the shunning rituals

Rebecca: Apparently I look like a potato today. I don’t think that’s the most complimentary thing a father has ever told his daughter.
KB: How do you look like a potato?? Email pictures!
Rebecca: I’m not sure. He just said I had a strange look today, so I asked how and he said I looked like a potato with hair, but I don’t THINK I look any different.
KB: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. What are you wearing?!
Rebecca: My shirt from the 5k and pink striped pajama pants.
I just took a selfie to see if I did and I guess I kind of do, but no more than usual.
I just asked Maggie if I look like a potato and as she was saying no, Daddy chimed in “yes, you do, you look like a potato!”
KB: You’re telling your daughter she looks like a potato. How do you live with yourself?
Dad: She was wrapped up like a potato, with eyes. Fully justified.

Mike D: Katie Beth.
KB: Yes.
Mike D: Jess has a picture at her desk, of you and her. I have never seen so much paleness in one picture in my life.

Alex: I had a dream that i got arrested for loitering in a parking lot and then i was illegally searched and they planted a huge bag of drugs on me i broke away and insighted a riot in the harris teeter parkinglot, it was all very stressful

KB: You know, someone out there oughta be all kinds of grateful that you and I have done more than our fair share of puking and saved them all that trouble.
Hana: Like Michael. He’s only thrown up a handful of times.
KB: What’s that even like?
Hana: Bliss apparently.

Trying to celebrate a foosball point
David: You’re in my dance path.

Alex: So evidently it’s now a popular fad for girls to bleach their skin with lightening creams… I would like you to jump on the band wagon this one time just so I can see if your skin will become translucent
KB: I will not do that because we both know my skin would turn translucent!
Alex: But it would be soooooo cool!!
KB: No!
Alex: Ugh! You are so selfish!

Rebecca: We should start a Groover Museum of Lovelorn Youths, because even Anna has started collecting them.

Becca: If only we didn’t grow hair
But I mean I guess I like my eyebrows

William: Ooo, look, a talking what's-it-called!

William: You get to drink beer at work?! Luckyyyy... I don't get to drink beer while I do my chores.

William: Is that music coming from that car?
KB: Yep. That's the ice cream truck. The very creepy ice cream truck....
William: *matter-of-factly* Ice cream trucks are the kidnappers.

KB: Who’s feeding Fluphea this week?
VA: Josiah. They hired him to feed the animals. He is huge.
KB: And yet so small.
VA: And yet still poops in the wrong corner.
KB: …………………………………………………..*realization* I thought we were talking about Josiah.

Becca sends Erin an article about shark attacks
Becca: I can’t ever go back to the beach.
Erin: WHAT???
We will play in the little tide pools
I can push water at you and you can act like it’s a wave
Becca: “BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” From me and KB
Erin: Does that mean I can make quoteables again????

Discussing Rachael’s involvement in the Jewish Olympics
KB: You’re not even Jewish!
Mike D: You celebrate Christmas!
Rachael: I celebrate both! I’m special.
Pat: They have Olympics for that too.

KB: You didn’t give me advice! I was forced to decide alone!
Becca: I gave you advice in my head because I’m an introvert. I forgot to text it

Becca: I started this beer and now I don't want it. Does that ever happen to you?
KB: Yep.
Becca: OH good. I thought I was like a for real loser.

Becca: What have you done! Now I want chikfila
KB: I'm sorry!!!
Becca: It's okay

Pat: Oh, [customer], why must you end my days in torment?

Regarding Alex’s and Eric’s plan to duel over me when we're all single at 40, and my inevitable refusal to marry either of them
Alex: The only woman who has two men duel over her and stays single.

Becca, on vacation
Becca: No one grades my burps and I feel so...forgotten

Hana: Never trust underpants.

KB: Lauren, I left four dollars on the table by your chocolate, for the battery
Becca: Lauren, I stole four dollars on the table by your chocolate, for the battery

The post-credits scenes in Ant-Man
David: I thought they were going to reveal that the Russian guy was faking his accent the whole time.

Becca: Something is biting me
KB: Is it a tiger???
Becca: No, bigger probably
KB: Oh. Wow. Hm.
Becca: I mean it leaves tiny marks but im sure it’s the size of a centaur
KB: Are centaurs bigger than tigers?
Becca: On Hercules they are
KB: Hm, true.
Becca: Hercules is very accurate

Concernedly, to Rachael
Mike M: What did you say while you were eating a carrot?

KB: Did yall get your back-to-school shots?
Becca: No! Dangit, I bet I have SIDS.

KB: Did you need me for something else or can I go stab my eyes out?
Shawn: That was it. Stab away.

Becca: I’m going to crawl under my bed and die. If it smells funny, I’m sorry
KB: Thanks for the heads up!
Becca: No prob Bob
Lauren: I’ll find a place to bury you. Closets are way better for hiding in though...or attics
KB: We don’t have an attic
Lauren: Crawl space
Becca: Spiders. Ew.
KB: Also no crawl space. Autocorrect tried to make that camel space, which would definitely be interesting. Would you be ok sharing your dying hole with a camel?
Becca: As long as he doesn’t drink all my water
KB: I thought you were trying to die. Commit, woman!
Becca: I might decide I’m thirsty while I’m working hard to die!!!!

How Becca’s compliments turn out when she’s tired
Becca, sleepily, from her room down the hall: I have little desire to hang out with you… but I have more desire to stay in bed.

Alex: I think the only thing better than eating pork would be if you could eat a fresh baby.

KB: Great pictures! Was I supposed to do something with them?
Dad: Just look at them with awe and wonder.

KB: I should only have eaten half that piece of cake. Oh my word.
Becca: I wish I could have eaten the other half. I cannot lie.
KB: ME TOO. That would solve so many problems. I could have texted it to you.
Becca: You could have. But I was working. So it would have opened in my purse and made a huge mess.
KB: That’s why you should lock your phone

KB: Julia’s like passed out over here.
Julia, from the depths of her pillow: I shall arise again.

KB: I ran the yellow so I could make the sermon more personal.
Julia: Christian driving: keeping theology personal

Mom: Have a good trip, if I don’t talk to you before then.
KB: May I have a good trip even if you do?
Mom: It’ll probably be better if you talk to me.

Dad: *heavy sigh* Patience is chasing William with a jar of creamy peanut butter.
KB: ...Is it working?
Dad: It seems to be effective. Apparently he likes crunchy peanut butter. Creamy peanut butter is an offense to his senses.

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