Saturday, February 15, 2014

How are you?

How are you?

The catch-all, the obligatory, the I'm-not-asking-because-I-care-I'm-just-asking-because-it's-the-thing-to-say.

Always the same answer, because it's always the same question.

Fine, how are you? Smile.

Tired. Alone. Buying food for dishes I know I won't have time to make because I work four jobs to pay for school and I live on my own and I have to cook for myself now, you know? I have so much work to do when I get home but I'll probably just collapse on the bed and fall asleep, then I'll stress about it even more later because I should have finished it by now. Hours and hours and hours of work. My stomach hurts. The chicken's been in the fridge for like two weeks and I don't know how long you're allowed to do that before you have to throw it out because I'm just pretending to do this adult thing and I don't really have a handle on it and I never wanted to need to have a handle on it to begin with.

But all I really say is, Fine.

But I am fine. I'm great. I'm a child of God. It's ok to be alone, but really I'm not alone at all. He's never let me down and He never will. I'm so blessed to have four jobs when so many people can't find one. I can pay for school and rent and food and boy do I eat well. Naps are allowed sometimes. With a little more focus and a little less Facebook I can get that work done, no problem. I'll eat something, it doesn't matter what right now. Priorities. My stomach will be ok. I am not dying. The chicken's probably still good, and if it's not, I have more. I am loved because of, in spite of the nothing I have done, by a Savior who didn't have to give His life for mine, but He did. I have nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.

Another smile, more genuine this time. The cashier has no idea what just went through my head, that I just celebrated my own quiet Easter at the register. But I hope my second smile brightens her day a little bit, because she brightened mine.

And me, I'm just fine.


Nala said...

Beautiful girl, you are fiiinee..... :-D

But seriously you are. :-)

David and Denise said...

That was beautiful. Yes, you are fine. You don't know how proud we are of you, how you make it all work, and how we can see Christ being formed in you. This is all in His plan, and He has a purpose for you. Love you.

Maggie said...

I can't believe you made me cry. That was very touching.