Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Some wisdom for you squirts



Three weeks ago, I tearfully packed up most of my belongings, kissed my family goodbye, and moved out of my parents' house. For as emotional as I was, you'd think I was moving across the country instead of an easy 25 minutes away.

While I do still miss being at home and hearing only crickets instead of crickets and traffic outside my window at night, in general I'm having a ball with my own house, my own roommates, and getting an extra 30 minutes of sleep every morning, even if it doesn't mean I go to bed any earlier.

Since I've been on my own for such a very long time now (21 whole days!), I thought I would share a few of the MANY bits of wisdom I have amassed in the first three weeks of living in the huge, enormous, sophisticated, so-far-from-home metropolis of Wake Forest.

Those of you who know Wake Forest will get that joke. The rest of you are out of luck.

Okay time for wisdom! Listen up, you may need this someday.

*****

When you live on your own, no one cares if you eat the applesauce right out of the jar. Without a spoon. But I would, of course, never do that.

*****

When your mommy isn't there to cook for you anymore, you suddenly develop the ability and desire to cook.

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While you may find yourself suddenly able to cook, the same does not necessarily go for the complex and frightening skill of grocery shopping. And when you're bad at grocery shopping, you suddenly realize, "I'm STARVING. I will eat ANYTHING."

*****

Free food becomes 155% more compelling than it already was.

*****

Your life revolves around food. You would be a terrible refugee.

*****

You begin seriously to wonder about the sanity of the rest of the world. "They gave THAT GEM to GOODWILL?"

*****

"I've been wearing this shirt for three days. It might be dirty."...................."But then I'll have to do laundry."..............."Day four it is!"

*****

It is actually possible to be about to hang a picture and encounter an existential crisis so severe that you give up and leave the walls entirely blank, save for one lonely clock.

*****

Packing boxes make great furniture.

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FOOD.

*****

You constantly think about but somehow manage to survive without things that most people would consider everyday necessities (...lightbulbs?) while simultanously - and continuously -  forgetting things you legitimately can't go without (lunch...).

*****

When you get along with your roommates, none of you will get anything done.

*****

When you have a house, you become instantly more popular.

*****

Yeah, you totally still don't clean.

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