Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Quotables!

Mommy: What are you drawing? A pinecone, you said?
KB: .......I said a unicorn.........

KB: Did you know that there's a State Hermitage Museum in St. Petersburg? :-D
Hana: No way! You should go live there. :-D

VA: I have a new crush! *reading Facebook sidebar* Apparently he goes to my school, he is very handsome and funny, he dreams of me every night, longing to kiss me. Curious? Click!
KB: He goes to your school?......... It's William!!
VA: *happy face* Awww!!!!!

VA: Goodnight. I love you. *big kissy sound*
KB: *turns around* What??
VA: Not YOU. My guitar pick.
KB: Well I knew it wasn't me... I thought it was your laptop.

Alli: I only do dangerous things if they're not dangerous.

VA: You should hold up a sign that says "will text for food."

Katie: I think VA's gonna get to your house at like 2:30, so I probly will too
no point in me being there before her
Jackson: thats totally up to you
Katie: yeah, just wanted to let you know in case you were staring out the window hoping I'd be there soon :-P
Jackson: haha
Katie: "When is she gonna get here?! Where is she?! I miss her so much! Where is she?!"
Jackson: i'll make sure caleb knows then
haha
yes
those are my exact thoughts when you havent gotten ehre yet
Katie: I know
Jackson: ever second seems like a lifetime
and then
BAM
you're here
Katie: I'm sorry I put you through this torture
Jackson: and we're all ok
hakuna mattata

Anna: You're so SLENDER. And you're so CLEAN.

KB: There's a little man in a dress in our yard. Is that your wife?
Maggie: Ummmmm, I think that's Patience's wife. No wait, it is my wife. I forgot.

KB: I was gonna get free pizza with the president and everyone else at the whole school, but it was taking way too long, so Whitney bought some for me and Katrina from Mellow Mushroom.
VA: She bought you Katrina from Mellow Mushroom?? How rude... you might want to report that.
KB: While I admire your efforts at obfuscation, I stand by my syntax and defy your attempts to undermine it.
VA: Whatever.

VA: Oooohhhh, I am the laziest bum I know.

Mommy: I was going to say something to you, Virginia, but now I can't remember what it was... something in William's room reminded me of it.......... don't forget to go to work tomorrow.
VA: Thank you........
Mommy: That wasn't it though.

KB: Speaking of losing, I'm losing gallons of blood from my ankle right now.
Matt: Lol whatd u do?
KB: Cut it in the shower. It looked like someone had been murdered lol.
Matt: Just shows that showers r dangerous--take it easy on the cleanliness

KB: You're so cute.
William: No I don't!
KB: Yes you are!
William: Becauthe I don't want to be cute!
KB: .......I said you're so cute, and you said no I don't, and I said yes you are, and you said because... and that does not make any sense.
William: .......Do too!

Patience: *persecuted tones* I can't wait till I'm eight.
KB: Why?
Patience: Cauthe then everyone will thtop kiththing me.

KB: Hey Chicken? Do you know where all the staplers have gone?
William: Ugh! I don't LIKE dat thong!
KB: You don't like that song?
William: No! Even dough I have to go to a baffwoom! *runs out*

William: Maggie, it would be funny if Daddy glued ouw notheth to ouw cheekth and den we had to bweathe out of ouw moutheth. Ithn't dat twue?

Josh: If she were a chocolate bunny, like one that I received as a gift, I think she'd be the solid chocolate kind.

William: Mommy doethn't weally make me wash my disheth.
KB: Ok, you don't have to do it.
William: Tho pwoby you can.

Genise: *looking at a stack of items on the shelf at Belk* Man, you can't even buy this stuff anymore.
KB: You mean this stuff right here on the shelf...?
Genise: Shut up.

VA: Man, I've been drooling a lot lately.

VA: William was funny earlier. We were all in the living room and Patience was lying on the sofa in one of those sprawled-out positions and he licked her foot--
KB: What??
VA: --and I said, "William, don't do that! You don't know where her foot's been!" And he said... man, I forgot.

Later:
VA: Anyway, I said, "William, it could have been outside, or in dirt, or in dog poop..." and Patience said, "And I licked it mythelf."

VA: *talking about art class* Sea turtles are hard. It's hard to get the wings right.

KB: *flaps arms* Look, I'm flying!
VA: That doesn't prove anything.

Tim: Is Grace wearing pajamas or are those just the laciest shorts known to man?

Jordan: Matt, you look like a bug when you wear your goggles.
KB: Do I look like a bug when I wear his goggles?
Eric: No, you look more like a wildebeest.

Rebecca: I can't believe those flowers we got from the woods have lasted so long.
VA: Who are the Woods?

Anna: Our dog and the neighbors' dog are dating.
Tim: I don't think dogs date.
Anna: Ok, they're courting.

Kid: Two words: my turn, not yours.
KB: ...

Matt: They probably all got drunk on the way over.
KB and Trevor: What?
Matt: Do you know why I said that? I said it because I wanted to say "inebriated." Except I forgot to say it.

William: Would you like to know what I am having for thnack?
KB: Sure!
William: *opens hand* Kiththeth.
KB: Oooooo... *I* will give you some kisses....
William: NO. I already have thome kiththeth.

KB: Chubby, I hope you don't ever get fat, because then when we call you "Chubbo" it would be awkward.
Maggie: Oh, hee, yeah. I don't think I will.
KB: Even when you have a thousand midgets?.... In your one-room house in the woods? Where are you gonna put 'em all?
Maggie: Oh, I dunno... put 'em in a pile.

Zach: It looks like a cow, or like someone shot it with a bb gun.

Listening to an extremely repetitive and ambiguous soul song:
KB: WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS SONG???
VA: There's a fight. That's all I know.

During a conversation about swim lessons:
Marcus: You want some bacon?

Standing on the scale while eating a brownie:
KB: Oh dear. I lost a pound.
Daddy: I hate you.

Michael: I dunno, I don't play inside dummies.

Rebecca: You can't wear white to a wedding! It's common knowledge!
William: But Kimbewly did do it....
Rebecca: Yeah, but she was the one getting married.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

An Open Letter

Dear Gum-Dropper,

Why do you leave your gum on the pool deck? Why would you chew gum at the pool anyway? Do you have any idea what's in that water? I won't go into detail for the sake of my other readers, but trust me, it's disgusting.

Is this some kind of punishment for when I make you (or your kids?) spit their gum out into my gloved hand before they get back in the water? They're probably your kids... I really want to think you're a kid yourself, but I don't think you are. I think you're an adult. And that disturbs me.

I would like to think that only kids would be immature enough to spit their gum out and smear it on the pool deck. I would like to think that only kids would leave their gum in the pool gutter. I would like to think that only kids would stick their gum to the benches. But I don't. I think it's you, Adult Gum-Dropper. Kids don't swim laps like you do. And kids probably wouldn't even bother putting it in the gutter. They'd probably just leave it in the water. That's still gross, but it's not as smeary that way.

I don't appreciate it, Gum-Dropper. I don't like taking the time to painstakingly scrape up your gum off of my pool deck. It's sticky. It's stringy. And the longer it stays there, the harder it gets.

And seriously? The gutter? WHY?

Sincerely,
Katie Beth (the Lifeguard)