I was sitting here eating pizza and I thought, "Hey, what better way to gross myself out than to post the second half of that blog post!"
So here I am.
I spoke of cake on cake before. Some of you (ok, one of you) told me that cake on cake didn't sound that bad, and definitely gave me to believe that it was something you (ok, he) would willfully ingest.
Well you're wrong. WRONG, I tell you. Cake on cake is a glorified Oreo, and if I wanted an Oreo I would have gotten an Oreo. It isn't like we don't have giant Costco boxes of Oreos around here. In fact, I had some today.
But I digress.
The second part of this mad journey of Absolutely Wrong burst upon me one day when I looked in the fridge ("It's not the 'fridge,' Patience told me later, "It's the fridgerator."). I don't remember what I was looking for, but it didn't matter. I only saw one thing anyway.
And I was disgusted.
I was repulsed.
I was angry.
I was repulsed.
Did I mention I was repulsed?
You know that I would never do this to you, but please. Allow me to rant. Just this once.
Advertising is a wonderful thing. Without it we would never get anywhere. It makes things known. It gets things accomplished. It's big, bad, colorful.
And ok, it plays with peoples' minds and makes them want things they don't need, and that totally appeals to the dictator in me.
But that's not what's going on here. Food advertising is supposed to make that particular food that you already need desirable. It's supposed to make you want this particular brand over that particular brand.
This box doesn't do that. It makes me want to puke. And that is bad for business.
Ok, get to the point, you say. Ok, I will.
I opened the fridge that day, and I saw... this.
Really, Katie Beth? you say. You got that worked up over butter?
Yes, really. You haven't seen the side of the box yet. Hold your ponies.
I'm telling you, no one eats butter curls.
Decorative curly garnishes should be things that you would ever, possibly, remotely want to eat by themselves. Nobody but cats and toddlers eats butter by itself, and if you say you do, I'll sock ya.
I understand chocolate curls. I would eat those. I understand the little curly carrot shaving things. I would eat those too. But I would never, never, NEVER eat a curled piece of butter, and seeing it on top of something would make me want to never eat anything else again, either.
Putting it on food or something is bad enough, but to put it on a BOX....
I need to meet the people who are designing these packages. I have some things to say.
Butter. Is. Not. Decoration. Butter churns, fine. They're homey and Laura Ingalls used them. Legit. Cows, great. They're farmey. Laura Ingalls used them too. But actual butter, in shapes that no one in their right mind would ever consider consuming, is disgusting. Every time I see the box it makes me want to put it back and make something that doesn't use butter.
At a niggling suspicion, I googled "butter curls" and found that people do indeed eat these little monsters. Which I guess just confirms my fear that the world is full of hopeless, messed up people. People with really high cholesterol.
The mother says that the people who partnered with the people designing these things are going to see these blogs and say, "I TOLD HIM that was a bad idea!"
If that's you, please call me. Please? I want to dissect your brain.