How to Tuna Fish

This post actually has nothing to do with tuning a fish. But I really wanted to use the phrase "Tuna Fish." Take what you can get, right?

I do, however, really have questions about this Albacore Tuna stuff that my mom's been buying. I always thought tuna was supposed to be sort of a dull greyish pink and shreddy and suspicious-like. I thought everyone doubted whether the stuff in the can was actually fish.

Then the parent (parentess?) came home with this Albacore stuff, and I'm having some serious misgivings about the way I was raised. At least regarding tuna.

Wait, no, I have misgivings about the rest of it too. Ignore the previous.

So she brings home this pink stuff in a can, and first off, it's pink. Like real fish. That's a major tipoff right there. Second, it isn't all shreddy. It's like... round... and it has pieces. Like, you know, fish pieces. I mean, the round part is obvious. It's in a can. But the pieces in the round can are what I'm really driving at here. Fish pieces.

I am disconcerted.

Then I mash it up in the bowl with mayonnaise and relish, and it has texture. What? Textured tuna? The world must be coming to an end. I thought tuna was supposed to be grey, flat, and all one consistency.

It sort of makes me feel like I'm putting a whole tuna on my sandwich. It's weird.

I mentioned this to my mom, and she asked me if I meant a whole tuna. "Tuna fish are huge," she said.

Yeah, thanks Mom, I had no idea.

C'mon! I was home schooled! I know how big tuna fish are!

Being home schooled is a good excuse for anything.

Ironically, I learned how big tuna fish are from The Magic School Bus, where the fish were roughly as big as the bus. That was a great show and I'm not ashamed.

Anyway, my point is that when I said I felt like I was putting a whole tuna on my sandwich, I meant it. That's why I said it. Albacore tuna is big. And I think it might be real fish.

That's all I'm really drivin' at. Thanks for listening.