NOTE: I never thought it would be necessary to make a limit on poop-related quotables, but then things happened. So I made a limit. Then I ignored it.
***
Rump: Virginia, you’d be a good goalie.
VA: Why?
Rump: Because you could just stand there and be fat.
Becca: Feet are gross.
Drew: Ok!
Becca: I'm sorry, I have mad feet problems!
Drew: Says the girl who was just rubbing her feet!!!
Becca: I WASN'T RUBBING THEM!!! *very quietly* I wasn't rubbing them.
Tim: On a mostly unrelated note, I'm just looking at the Debrecen Synod of 1567 and they have a special section to show that women do indeed have souls. So that's good.
Becca: I just want you to know that it hurts my feelings that you don’t also text me while your pooping like you do to drew. Geez.
KB: LOL I honestly have no memory of texting Drew while pooping so it must have been many moons ago, but uhhhmm I can def start keeping you in the loop! Hahahaha
Becca: BAHAHA the poop loop
Alex: You should feel accomplished because on this day you handled a social situation with less tact and grace than I could’ve and that takes serious talent!
Miles: I’m sticking to my guns, no matter how small and ineffective they are. Musket balls are outdated. The world is flat.
Tim: It was really great that my family could stop by to check their phones in my living room tonight.
Andrea: I said spruce, awkward.
Alex: In mermaid form you look kind of like Ariel, just so you’re aware.
KB: Just wanted you to know that I’m pooping
Becca: Ironically, I am now pooping. Look at us keeping each other in the poop loop
KB: Oh, that guy does not match.
Tim: Who?
KB: He’s wearing the loudest striped sweatshirt and the loudest plaid shorts.
Tim: Do you need to go back? It seems like you need to get it out.
Becca: I have a paper due at midnight that’s 350 words. It’s short. But I’m still currently pulling it out of my butt. This counts as pooping to me so I thought I’d tell you.
KB: I’m still amazed at how I can stick my foot in my mouth and gnaw on it endlessly.
Hana: So am I when I keep TELLING you.
Tim: Well, anyway, your mom told me last night that I’m “looking so tall and thin these days”. So I’ve got that going for me.
KB: Lol. Is that tall part a new development?
Tim: She said being thinner makes me look taller.
KB: Huh. Wonder if that would work for me.
Tim: I would not recommend you experiment with being thinner.
KB: But I’m so short.
Later
KB: I just ate a ton of fresh mango and I’m starting to think that was a bad idea.
Tim: It’ll make you shorter.
KB: I am retarded. I want to kick myself in the face.
We have a 15 minute conversation about why I’m retarded
Becca: Can you really not kick yourself in the face?
KB and Drew: That’s what you took away from this conversation??!?!!
Becca: Well, when you said that I was thinking, “KB’s legs are so long, she could totally kick herself in the face!” I was thinking about it the whole time! Can you try now??
Mike: You gotta love working at a place that has a beer bottle opener.
KB: ...That’s literally exactly what I was thinking before you walked in.
Getting into my messy car
Anna: I think I know the deal by now. Step on everything but the weightlifting book, right?
Mom: I haven't seen you flex your muscles in a while. You should do that again.
KB: ....??
Tim: Which book of the bible says a deacon must be able to answer a million emails per day?
KB: How can you have sooooo many papers??? It seems inhumane.
Becca: I think the more papers they give us the less chance we have of being in the world AND of the world.
Jess: If you see a wandering pizza person, they’re looking for me.
KB: Wandering pizza person, huh? Ok. If I see any homeless pizza people I’ll let you know.
Jess: I said wandering, not homeless!
KB: They might be the same.
Jess: No they’re not. Wandering people shower!
VA: One time me and Frosty were talking about coffee, and I was like, “...and it makes you poop a lot!” And then it was awkward because apparently that’s just me.
KB: What?! It totally makes everyone poop.
VA: I can’t decide if I should put that on facebook. I kind of want to. BUT I’m drinking coffee in class, and a guy I’m friends with on fb is sitting right behind me. Awkward…
KB: I’m putting this whole converation in quotables. So.
Becca: You should call Quotables "Pooptables".
Becca: I got really excited when you turned the kettle on, cause I was like, "Oh, Drew's having tea, so there'll be enough water for us both to have tea, [*evilly*] TOGETHER!!!"
Drew: Man! I used my peanut butter spoon for my tea!
Looking at a container of paint
Drew: I don't think this should be called "Golden Sunset." I think it should be called........ *thinks very hard*........... "yellow brown."
Regarding her kneaded eraser
Drew: I once wove a little blanket out of this.
KB: I'm still so full... I never stay full this long.
Tim: Chicken was battered in lembas...
Watching me pour motor oil from the pan to a jug
Tim: It seems like you could use two pairs of hands for this task.
KB: Well, yeah.
Tim: I'm wearing the headlamp, I don't know if I can do anything else.
VA: We passed somebody and I thought, "that girl has a nice butt." It wasn't a girl.
Andrea: Laying in my hammock is a good ab workout because you have to lift your butt off the ground the whole time
Tim: it's my life long dream to become a welder
though I'd also be open to bison farmer
Tim: i submitted two complaints to the UPS today
all i want in life is to be able to order stuff from amazon and have it show up AT MY DOOR in two days
and this guy is destroying all my hopes and dreams
KB: wow
at least you're easy to please....
Tim: yup
also hope to be able to eat cinnamon rolls on holidays
but that's secondary
Regarding men who Don’t Get It:
Becca: I don’t understand why I can’t smack sense into them. It should be a spiritual gift given to women.
