Quotables!

Jesse: William, don't you want to go to church to see all your little buddies?
William: ...I don't yike guyth... I yike yadieth... I yike yiddle yadieth!

Nala: OOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNN
the twelfth day of christmas my true love gave to meeeeeee!:
12 drummers drumming
11 pipers piping
10 lords a leaping
9 ladies dancing
8 maids a-milking
7 swans a swimming
6 geese a-laying
FIVE GOLDEN RIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGSSSSSS!!!!!
4 calling birds
3 french hens
2 turtle doves
AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE!!!!!
thank you
thank you ver' much
or it really should be "thank ya, thank ya ver' much"
I am overjoyed by this uproarious reception before me!
really!
you're too kind!
Really! I can't give you a kiss! I'm sorry!
but you may have a beat of my sweat if you wish
:)
really you guys are too mcuh!
very well, I shall perform my best number.
how would y'all like to hear "the Teapot Song"?!
to my fans! These are dedicated to you!
I'm a little teapot!
Short and stout!
(STOUT!)
Here is my handle,
Here is my spout.
(SPOUT!)
when I get all steamed up,
here me shout!
(SHOUT!)
Tip me over and pour me out!
(OUT!!)
y'all are a great audience!
I love you to death!
me: oh hello :-D

Kyle: sorry
Kyle: eric called
Kyle: then after I got off the telephone
Kyle: I walked up the stairs without
Kyle: to get the brownies that waited above
KB: and were they wonderful as anticipated?
Kyle: and was gifted with a phone with my brother from afar
Kyle: speaking from afar
Kyle: I spoke to him above
KB: rofl
Kyle: for a time
Kyle: then gifted the telephone to my pater who lingered without
Kyle: and ate a brownie with my sister who gifted me with the brownitos
Kyle: and came hither
KB: was the pater grateful?
Kyle: I'm sure he was

Katie: OH

this is exciting

I forgot we had a toaster

KB: No William, don't play with that!
William: Yeth!
KB: No! Put it down.
Mommy: No, William, you can't play with that. That's Rebecca's.
William: Oh. I yike Bucca'th duff!
KB: Rebecca, come put your stuff away!
William: Bucca, know what?! I yike youw duff!

Old lady: *studies me intently in the mirror at the Y as I try to avoid her eyes* .....Cougar?
KB: *startled* What??
Old lady: What does it say on your shirt?
KB: *looks down at swimsuit* Um... guard?....
Old lady: Oh. That's a nice tribute. *wanders off*
KB: O_O?!?!?!??!?!!!??!?!?!??!!??!?!!

While driving:
Virginia: That buck we saw on the way here was right up here on the left.
KB: Oh, right... HERE? *jerks the wheel to the left and back again*
Virginia: OH. *clutches heart*
Jesse: VirGINia......
Virginia: Don't DO that! I almost had a heart attack! TWICE!
KB: HA HA. You almost had a heart attack twice?!
Virginia: A DOUBLE heart attack. I'll have to have a double bypass for my two heart attacks!

Mommy: Katie Beth, why do you keep putting your toast in the oven?!
KB: ....Cuz I keep forgetting we have a toaster!

Matthew: *puts his arm in front of my face as he reaches for the bread*
KB: You want me to bite you?!
Matthew: You wanna bite me?! Huh?! Bite me! Bite me! *shoves his arm back in my face*
KB: *looks at his arm* *chomps down hard*
Matthew: Bite me! Bite me! Okay stop.

A couple minutes later:
Matthew: *all up in my face again*
KB: You want me to bite your NOSE?!
Matthew: No! You want me to SNIFF your TEETH while you bite my nose?!
KB: I... uh... wouldn't that... um... huh.

Even later:
VA: Yeah, that kind of startled me too. I mean, I looked over and you were latched onto his arm. ...It didn't really surprise me though.

Mommy: Anna, you need to do your math while you eat your ice cream.
Anna: But that takes away all the joy of eating my snack!
Mommy: Yeah, but you just had two hours of joy.

Rebecca: Did you know that Galileo didn't invent the telescope?
Daddy: Who did?
Rebecca: They don't know the name anymore, but they said Galileo stole the idea.
Daddy: I don't want to hear that. Galileo is my hero. *pause* I love him.

Max: *sticks head in door* I smell math. Lots of math.

VA: I was reading this homeschooling article and at the bottom it talked about the lady who wrote it. It said she had eight kids, and I thought, "EIGHT KIDS!!! THAT'S A LOTTA KIDS. NOBODY HAS... oh wait."

Patience: Tell me, woman!

Ben: I love those really trippy dreams when you wake up and you're like, "OH MY GOSH."
Max: Katie Beth's trippiest dream is when she divides by zero and gets away with it.

Jordan: I guess it's sort of a pre-nup, where one of the points is agreeing not to nup.

Telling Maggie about his cut that he got in the woods:
William: I dot dith tut in da woodth. I dot it in da woodth when I fell. I dot it in da woodth. I did. But I didn't ty when I dot it. I duth thaid, "Daddy yook! Daddy yook!" An' he yooked.

VA: I think we should be soulmates.
KB: Ok.

VA: Good gracious, that's like your fourth tissue! That's a lot of tissues for one nose!

After a heated Facebook conversation (on William's changed relationship status) in which Hana and KB argue about whether or not best friends are allowed to marry their bff's little siblings and decide to set the siblings up with each other:

Katie: heheh

VA just saw William's statu

s

Nala: ROFL

what was her response?

Katie: "I have Matt Damon marked out, sry."

Nala: WOAH

she's got her sights set high

Katie: :-D

Nala: what if we got william to look like Matt Damon?

Katie: to the status with you!

Nala: we could smash his face against a wall several times...

Anna: *in a happy preschool TV show voice* We have hearts everywhere on Valentines Day! A story about two little boys and an old man!
KB: Oh no.

Kyle: I think I will go to the wife store
Kyle: would you like to go with me
KB: good idea
KB: nah
KB: I don't need one
Kyle: and help me
Kyle: pick out a good one
KB: haha
KB: well ok
Kyle: make sure she makes good sammiches etc plz

Katie: um

so

also today

and you better believe I submitted this to MLIA

we were talking about how fat VA was

and she was telling me about how yesterday she was 3.5 pounds fat (3.5 pounds over the socially acceptable limit of 110 pounds, as defined by myself, according to Jesse)

and then she took off her coat and she was only .5 pounds fat

and I said, "Just think how not fat you'd be if you weighed yourself in the nude!"

(our bathroom scale is in front of the art closet)

Nala: O.O

Katie: and then I said, "Sometime when the family is all gone... I'm gonna do that."

and she gave me this look

and said

"You know, there's a reason they have scales in the bathroom.... called bathroom scales..."

it had never occurred to me that I could actually pick up the scale and move it into the bathroom to weigh myself in the nude

and even THEN it didn't occur to me that I could do it while people were home until we told my mom and she said I didn't even have to wait

Nala:

WOWOW

KB, I still don't see how it DIDN'T occur to you that you could weigh yourself in the nude in the BATHROOM, WHILE everyone was home

wow

Katie: I DON'T KNOW, OK

Katie: "Today, I read an MLIA about how if you put your earphones in your nose, you can play music out of your mouth. It worked. I also discovered that if you do this in a public library, people will give you funny looks. MLIA"

Nala: :-D

Katie: it doesn't work

I'm trying it now

Nala:

WOWOW

Katie: I just caught a glimpse of myself in the window

Nala: you're supposed to open your mouth

Katie: HAHA

my mouth is open

obviously

Nala: oh okay

Katie: maybe I just cna't hear it cuz it's my head

I'm glad you corrected me about it though

I'm glad you're taking it seriously

Nala: I'm about DEAD right now

I think other people need to hear about this too

Katie: dangit

Nala:

QUOTABLES

Katie: I forgot we're out of tissues in here

Weighing myself in the elevator for a Physics lab:
KB: Ok, that's exactly 110 pounds.
Brandon: ....I'm two of you.

Patience: *saunters up with a paper shield, Nerf sword, and sparring mask* *menacingly* Whoooo wantth to fight me firtht?
VA: I'll fight you first.
Patience: *menacingly* Okay. Wait, you don't have your thtuff!
VA: That's ok. *gives me a significant look* I'm maid of honor.
KB: *stares at her*
VA: *starts to look confused*
KB: WHAT?!
VA: Wait. I didn't mean... I don't know WHY I said that.
KB: I think maybe you meant "made of IRON"?
VA: IRON! Yeah.

Announcer: And he's going in for the home run!
KB: THIS IS FOOTBALL!
Rebecca: Virginia doesn't know the difference.
VA: I do NOW!

Patience: You jutht thtabbed me with your shoulder!

VA: Bust a move!
KB: ....Thanks! But it's a little cramped in the shower so I'll have to wait.
VA: .....WHAT?!
KB: Did you not say, "Bust a move?"
VA: Oh. Yeah. I completely forgot I said that.

VA: Daddy dropped his glasses in the paint. It was a fun moment.
KB: Wow, um, I bet it wasn't fun for Daddy....
VA: It actually wasn't fun for any of us...
KB: Hahaha. Did he cuss?
VA: Jk, he didn't get that mad
He just sounded sort of sad.
KB: Lol! Was that his last pair?
VA: He was saddened not only from his present affliction, but from the fact that he had previously dropped his rag in the paint.
KB: Wow, not a good day for the paint.
VA: I don't know
or glasses
KB: Or rags

Drew: I think im becoming a superhero.
KB: Oh yeah?? How's it work??
Drew: I'll let u know when i find out what my powers are. But last nite my snot was neon yellow!
KB: NICE. That has to be a good sign.
Drew: Of course! And all this coughing is my insides changing.
KB: Cool. :-D
Drew: Thats my theory at least.

KB: How goes the transformation? Any new developments?
Drew: Well i did catch a pen that fell off the desk mid air...
KB: Super reflexes, possibly? You'll proably be able to do all kinds of flips in a little bit.
Drew: Hmm...maybe i was mistaken, maybe im a ninja!
KB: Always a possibility! But do they have neon yellow snot? I was always under the impression that ninja powers were in the "achieve greatness" category while super powers were in the "greatness thrust upon them" category. (Being the child of Zeus or somebody is the "born great" category.)
Drew: Haha! Well dad said it was a sinus infection...i find that suspicious!
KB: So do I. A sinus infection sounds entirely too mundane.
Drew: Psh yeah, i think hes hiding something...
KB: Maybe HE had a so-called "sinus infection" once.
Drew: Hmmm...OR he's the nemesis of said "sinus infection" people. That would make for very awkward family gatherings...
KB: Yet another possibility!
Drew: He told me it was tmi, yet another highly suspect reaction.
KB: Hmmm. You should probably avoid him until you know for sure if he's nemesis or ally.
Drew: Hmmm fact.

In bed at 11:00 on Saturday morning:
KB: I'm really hot and I wanna get up but I have to fix my blankets first and I'm not looking forward to that, so here I am... not doing it.
VA: That's my favorite way of fixing problems.

VA: I'm reading this article on good study habits because I'm procrastinating.

KB: is that all? May I go?
Kyle: You may leave.
KB: thank you
Kyle: No problem.. none at all.
KB: no doubt i will see your bright shining... text... a manana
Kyle: yes. maybe an essay if you're lucky
btw I do need a grade on those essays I sent u
need it for my report card
KB: those nonexistent essays?
Kyle: uh the essay I text to u
KB: well
one essay
on Oakleys and how the world is a brighter, happier place when it is not scratchy
Kyle: ya well I tent to text essays on the regular
just bc I only sent one essay don't mean u cant send no grade
KB: true
Kyle: btw my grammar is impervious to error
KB: B+
oh
Kyle: thanks
I got a B+ in boxing
then weds I lost part of my tooth
:-/
awkward.

Arie: Oh man. This is GENIUS. When my wife gets pregnant I'm gonna paint a mural on her stomach. It's gonna be of the baby as it looks in her stomach. It's gonna be awesome! Hey, WAIT. YOU'RE an artist. YOU can do it!
KB: Uhh, oh!
Arie: Yeah, you'll paint the mural.

Nala: (you know, I love MLIA, but sharing them with you, and then hearing the stories that inevitably come after them is even better!)

KB: Man, I need to work up my calves. I have like NO calves.
VA: You have more than me....
KB: You have chicken legs!
Later, doing P90:
VA: Man, look at his quads! They're like the size of a chicken!
KB: .....Wouldn't that mean that he, too, has chicken legs?
VA: .....Oh yeah. Well I mean one chicken PER THIGH.

Anna: *shows me a paper "laptop"* I have two CDs in here. One is for saving the world, and one is Humorous Movies and Shows, Disc 2.

At 1:00 am:
KB: You know how some people use their cell phones as flashlights when it's dark?
VA: Yeah....
KB: Well a refrigerator is a pretty good flashlight. Why don't people just carry their refrigerators around?
VA: That might work too....
KB: Yeah. I think I'll do that.
VA: It's a little late for you.

Mr. Tucci: The earth doesn't make grunty noises when it turns.

Watching figure skating:
KB: She's not Egyptian! She looks like an Egyptian. Is she an Egyptian?!
Announcer says she's from Japan.
KB: See?! She's not Egyptian! Psstt! You're not Egyptian!...... You're TWO Gyptians!
Rebecca: *giggles a lot*
VA: What?! No, it's an Egyptian, like an Email.
KB: Ohhh, like a virtual Gyptian!
VA: Yeah!

Hana: I told Nathanael about my dream last night. He asked me what I was on. I told him I wasn't but that I was best friends with a red head. He said he loved how that could always explain any thing.

Max: what if you always had a second option? and it was cake?

Jesse: Patience, can you please move your merchandise to a more suitable location?
Patience: WHAT did you thay?
Jesse: Can you put your stuff away?

Brandon: The calculator's like, "What the crap!"

Because I Am a Lifeguard

You all know I'm a lifeguard. I'm certified in lifeguarding, CPR, Oxygen, AED, First Aid, and not to be incomplete, BBP.

(If you're don't know, that's Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation, uh, Oxygen, Automated External Defibrillator, uh, First Aid, and Blood Borne Pathogens.)

I also work out.

Basically what it boils down to is that I've taken a bunch of classes and spent a lot of time preparing so that I'm mentally and physically prepared to sit in a white chair and watch you frolic.

Every now and then I might get to jump in and save one of you, but really, I'm supposed to be more preventive so I can watch you safely from afar.

Oh, and I get to use a lot of sunscreen.

I know you think I'm a very caring person to do all of this for you. I know you think I do it out of the deepest goodness of my heart. I know you think that I've got my eyes peeled every second of every shift. I know you think I don't miss a thing.

What you don't realize is that while all of that may be true (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it), you really hit on the most important part: I don't miss a thing.

I see you when you throw your kid into the air. I see when your kid swims through the rail. I see that bright flash of pure white skin that tells me your kid is not wearing a swim band. I see your kid diving into the shallow end. I see your swimsuit.

Yeah. Can I just say something about swimsuits?

I just Googled it, and "suit" is referred to in more than one place as "a set of garments." Now pair that with the word "swim" and I guess you'd have "a set of garments made for swimming." I just Googled "swimsuit" too, and yes indeed, it is referred to as a "garment."

I also just Googled "garment," and it, to put it shortly, is something that is supposed to "cover the body."

Your swimgarment isn't doing that.

Actually that's the smallest swimgarment I've ever seen. How does it stay on? Where did you get it? I merely ask because my six-year-old sister needs a new swimsuit and that one looks about her size. You are not her size. You wouldn't be interested in giving it up, would you? No, it's ok. I just thought I'd ask because you seem to be coming out of it.

No, it's cool. Just thought I'd ask.

Dads? I feel for you. I know your wife is in the gym working out or something and you were sweet and said you'd take the kids up to the pool. She probably offered to get them into their suits, but you said no, it's cold out, I'll do it when we get to the locker room.

Sir, let me show you how this strange pink contraption works. I know you've never worn one, but it's a bit like underwear. The skinny part goes in the front. The not skinny part goes in the back.

I just thought I'd tell you because the skinny part of your daughter's swimsuit is in the back. Again. For the third time this week. And she looks uncomfortable. Again.

No, it's cool. Just thought I'd let you know.

Oh, and lap swimmers? You might want to have your wives check the backs of your jammers before you come to the pool. If she can see through them, it's time to get a new pair.

No, it's cool. Just... don't do anymore flip turns today.

Thanks.