Geese go *shoop*

I like my job. I do. It's just that it tires me out, being responsible for people's lives all day and stuff like that, and around about 8:30 my brain shuts down and weird stuff starts coming out of my mouth.

I guess this happens at home too, but it's so normal here that I don't usually think about it. Would you think about it if you had a little sister that went around singing things like, "Give me sixteen days of happiness!" all the time? I didn't think so. Or, "Wouldn't it be weird if a cat turned itself inside out and you stuck your hand in its mouth and all you felt was fur?" I rest my case.

Anyway, my problem is that there's some kind of electrical short in my brain, and things just don't have as far to travel. They start in my brain, and instead of slowing down somewhere in between, they just go straight down and spurt right out of my mouth.

That's just how it works. 8:30 rolls around, *voop* goes the brain, and *shoop* come the words. It's worse when Sebastian's there (remember CokeToes?), because his brain does the same thing, except his words get all funky instead of coming out too fast. We're basically twins, by the way. You know, sometime SeaBass is going to find this blog and wonder why he's on it so much, and he'll think it's pretty weird, but it's really not. It's because we're twins, Sebastian! It's just a fact. I'm the older twin, by the way, so you have to do everything I say.

The other night SeaBass told me I was too home to go tired. Then he told me to stop laughing at him. Yeah right.

My point ("Ah, she has a point," you say) is that I did it again. I got tired, and weird, creepy stuff came out of my head (kind of like when I post late at night, which is always). The story, finally, is as follows:

Sebastian really wanted to get my shoes wet. I don't know why; he just thought it would be a good thing.

"Katie Beth, may I get your shoes wet?" asked Sebastian.
"No, Sebastian," said Katie Beth.
"Pleeeaaase may I get your shoes wet?" pleaded Sebastian.
"No, Sebastian," said Katie Beth.
"Why not?" asked Sebastian.
"Because I don't want them wet!" said Katie Beth
"But whyyyy?" said Sebastian.
"Because they're leather, and when they get wet they stain my feet!" said Katie Beth.
"Ha ha, and then you have orange stains on your feet," said Sebastian, giggling.
"Yes, exactly," said Katie Beth. "And while I realize that may be the closest to a tan that I'll ever get," said Katie Beth, "I don't want little flip-flop shaped tans on my feet."

And then I just kept going (Don't ask about the first/third person switches. It's how I roll.).

"They're shaped like little V's," continued Katie Beth. "Like little... migrating geese. And every time I take a step, the geese migrate a little further."

And Sebastian and I had our own little gigglefit on the pool deck.

Now I ask you, should it not have occurred to me somewhere in between the "flip-flop shaped tans" and the "migrating geese" to maybe stop talking? I mean, wouldn't a normal person maybe, possibly think, "Hey, I'd better shut up before I say something really stupid"? I'm not trying to say that having little flocks of migrating geese on my feet isn't awesome. It's just weird.

I think the Pioneer Woman has the same problem, judging by a recent post that I found, ironically, while thinking about the post I'm writing right now:

But I should warn you: Tracy Porter stuff is dangerous. I don’t even really let myself look because about a year ago I pricked both my index fingers and became blood sisters with myself. Then we promised each other we wouldn’t buy another piece of dinnerware until our youngest went to college.

So I don't feel so bad, really. I mean, I didn't feel bad... I amuse myself to no end. I just kinda figured I was too weird to even worry about. But it's ok now. I don't mind. It's not like I can stop it anyway.

I wonder what it would be like if I didn't always post late at night, when I'm more than usually exhausted? I suppose the world will never know.

Quotables!

Juliet has left to go to the Odells', which means that we have a whole load of quotables from her visit, plus the ones that I'd been saving up before. Enjoy!

***

VA: I wish I had a boyfriend so he could carry my stuff at the mall.

VA: You may think of anything I say as a whiteboard. Erase at will. PLEASE erase at will.

Patience: I... am going to the moon. And we all know how the moon ith.
VA: And how is the moon?
Patience: Good.

Robbie: Man, I wish we communicated in math problems. I would be so good at spelling.

Jill: I would really like that if it weren't small and ugly.

VA: Get some manpants!

VA: I like it when people spell "humor" with a u.

KB: Your pants match Natalie's.
Rebecca: Natalie had pants on?

Evan: Why are you wearing Underarmor?
Drew: Because it makes my muscles look big.
Evan: Not because you're cold?
Drew: Nope.
Evan: Nice.

Drew: He must be an acquired taste, cuz he's really hott when he's drinking water.

VA: Not only did the heathen smoke, he had a child. That's what happens when you smoke.

VA: Apparently when you become a mother you immediately learn to knit.
KB: I already know how to knit.
VA: Where's the child?!

KB: Did you kill anyone today?
VA: No one important.

KB: *after dinner* I still don't feel really... fulfilled.
VA: Ha ha! Fulfilled? Get it? Filled?
KB: Uh... yeah... filled.
VA: Wait. Forget everything I said. You know what I meant to say. I was going to tell you some interesting fact about... something smart.

Awesome commercial: Vitamin Water. Because it's much less embarrassing to shop at Big and Tall when you're just... tall.

Kyle: I am sad.
KB: My apologies.
Kyle: Mk.
KB: Yw.

Daddy: What?! Texting in the laundry room?! That's worse than changing in the laundry room!

Mommy: Ok William, let's go to bed.
William: *sits there with his truck*
Mommy: Come on William, it's time for your nap.
William: *still sits with his truck*
Anna: Oh, let me say goodnight to him, Mommy!
William: A no anight! *he and his truck speed down the hall*

Rebecca: OW!
KB: What did you do?!
Rebecca: She hit me.
KB: Virginia!
VA: I just miss those old days of... hitting you with my head.
KB: Injun!
VA: I was just reminiscing.

Patience: Would you rather have a tea party or be in a war?

Genise: You're like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: The Aquatics Version!

KB: Heavens! A mongrel horde of chickens!

Daddy: I can't take you seriously in those purple shorts.

VA on the phone, while out shopping with Mommy: Hi, um... neither of us could figure out the texting thing... so I'm leaving you a message.

Maggie: *looking at a doll* And you can even tell he's a homeschooler!
KB: Um, what?
Maggie: Cuz he has a belt on and his shirt is tucked in. He even has shoes on!
KB: ...
Maggie: *thinks* Wait. Never mind about the shoes.

Derrick: my best pro is crastination, my worst con is centration

Completely out of the blue:
Derrick: you should write in your status "I'M MARRIED!!!!!"
Derrick: ..........just as soon as I die"
KB: .......but I'm not............
KB: lol!
Derrick: ......or the groom arrives!"

Kyle: it may have something to do with my bed being so small
Kyle: it's too small for me
KB: lol, that's pretty sad
Kyle: yeah
Kyle: it's a twin
Kyle: I'm not a twin
KB: neither am I a twin but mine fits me ;-P
KB: well, basically
KB: my toes do protrude occasionally
Kyle: lies, you are a twin
Kyle: if your toes protrude
Kyle: what do yo think MY toes do
Kyle: they're like OMG LOL HELLO
KB: fall off
Kyle: waving to passer bys
Kyle: ya
KB: rofl
Kyle: they're lik omg hellooesssss
Kyle: and I can't do anything about it
Kyle: and my blankets are too small
Kyle: in winter
Kyle: I cry
Kyle: in a silent way

Harry: What's the key to?
KB: ...My soul.
Harry: Whoo! We better take that thing off and bury it a hundred feet underground!

About a random kid in the pool:
SeaBass: Why?! Why do you have that?!

Talking about search patterns in the lifeguard class:
Rose: The grid pattern is for when you have an irregular bottom.
Chich: Hee hee!

KB: *pushing William on the swing* William, are you having fun? Is that exciting?
William: Uh huh. Hoo hoo!

Dan: Oh no! I am stricken with a fit of drowning!

KB: *comes back outside with her coat on*
SeaBass: Oh, that is so cheating.
KB: Sebastian. It's very cold.
SeaBass: But Katie Beth, it's cheating!
KB: Sebastian, it's cold!
SeaBass: Do you have another one?

VA: In my dream last night my alarm clock was named Regret.

Drew: *watching a movie* Rough addiction? Does that say rough addiction?! Why's it rated PG for rough addiction?! That's so stupid! I've never even heard of rough addiction! What iS rough addiction?!
KB: That says rough action.
Drew: Oh.

Val: If you woke up on fire, assuming you had gone to bed not on fire, would you be more surprised that you were on fire, or in pain?

Val: You know, if we had enough caulk, we could probably put this building out to sea.

Driving by a pond:
Patience: Ith that the thea?

Kyle: Would you like a sitting utensil?

Kimberly: Do y'all have music tomorrow?
Julia: Yes.
Kimberly: Ha, ha, ha! A likely story.

Talking about how the Amish have beards down to their ankles:
Kyle: It's in case they have to change.

William: *walks in and goes right up to the poster of the Ten Commandments* *stares at the picture of "Thou Shalt Not Covet"* A dah a tuck. A dah a tuck!
KB: Yeah, a car and a truck!
William: I want dat.

Anna: I should become a scientist who discovers everything!

Maggie: *sees the neighbors having a bonfire* We should go invite us over.

KB: Be careful with that. It's the key to my soul.
Mr. Will: Where's the trash can?

Patience: I wish I had a thell phone tho I could tektht Mommy.
William: Ah tektht Mommy too!

An entire conversation:

Derrick: Everything you believed is a truth

Katie: what are we talking about?

Derrick: stumped

Katie: lol

Derrick: night

Katie: lol! goodnight :-P

Patience: If Makth eatth William'th life then Athe will thave William'th life.

Anna: I'm not showing off! I'm evil ALL the time!
Mommy: Can't argue with that!

Patience: *about me* Her name ith Mushroomth.
Juliet: Oh! Why?
Patience: Becauthe I don't like mushroomth.

KB: Anna, go outside!
Anna: Why?
KB: Cuz it feels awesome outside!
Anna: But I am awesome INSIDE.

Rebecca: I think my nose has gotten stronger from playing this song.

Maggie: Can I play with your mouth?
KB: You need to rephrase that.

KB: Heartheartheart!
Juliet: *typing* Heartheart... ahh, no! I can't believe I almost typed that!! Stop!

Clayton: but if you can make me fly for free, and it's in about a month and a half or two months, I'd love to.
Juliet/KB: I'll have to adopt you
Clayton: hmm...
akward, but plausible

Clayton: Well, my useless turkeys...

Clayton: "This incredible shameless attempt to get into KB's quotables has been brought to you by Clayton Sandham"

Clayton: Okay I don't comment on KB's blog...
I do on Juliet's, as long as they aren't tremendously touching and I don't know what to say...

Juliet/KB: But our minds are rather out of it right now ;)
We merged into one to make it more coherent.
Clayton: quite obviously.
and now I'm going insane... Thanks, Girls.

Right after we tell Clayton our minds have merged:
Juliet, on KB's lappy: Anytime, anytime.
At the same time:
KB: Anytime, anytime.
Us: WOAH. THAT IS SO WEIRD.

KB: The lightning bugs are out!
Juliet: Where?
KB: Over there. See the lights?
Juliet: Those weren't helicopters?

Shannon: In TWO DAYS YOU'LL BE IN MY ROOM
Juliet/KB: I KNOW!!
Shannon: AND WE CAN STAY UP LATE AND TALK
And laugh
AND WAKE UP AND YOU'LL BE THERE TOO
Juliet/KB: dyyying KB: In her room? That sounds so awful.
Shannon: (It sounds like we're getting married)
DIES
Good grief
EVERYONE KNOEW WHAT I MEANT
Juliet/KB: LOL!
Still.
We're laughing o'er here.
Shannon: LOL
Fail

Juliet/KB: We're useless turkeys
Shannon: I <3 turkeys
So glad one is coming to visit me soon
Juliet/KB: LOL!
Shannon: (What the heck?)
:D
As I spew ridiculousness

Shannon: http://cdn2.tomsshoes.com/ProductImages/194-1007B08-BLPL-S.jpgAre those ugly?
http://cdn2.tomsshoes.com/ProductImages/194-1007B08-BLPL-H.jpg
Juliet/KB: Waaaaiiiting for the browser
KB: I would not wear those...
Shannon: No DUH
;-)
Juliet/KB: In accord with her.
They look like... dutch slippers.
(KB)
Shannon: LOL
Thank you
dying
All my friends think they're ugly
My family, too
Juliet: I'm glad we provide ample entertainment
Does that mean you're buying them?
Just to spite all.
Shannon: AND GUESS WHAT THEY'RE COMING TO ME IN THE MAIL SOMETIME VERY SOON
Juliet/KB: DEAD
We love you.
Shannon: :D
It wasn't out of spite, really
Juliet/KB: You amaze us.
Shannon: Although, that's certainly a sweet after taste

Phoebe: Dangit is a bad wowd and so is stupid.

William: Don't touch my fabs!
Hana: *pokes him in the side*
William: They're nice fabs.

Hana: Quick, Grace, what's Micah 6:8?
Perfectly silent moment as Grace tries to remember
Grace: He has shown you O man what is good, and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk mer--muh--
Hana: Humbly.
Grace: With thy God.
KB: I liked that moment of silence there. I was thinking, "That's probably the quietest this house has ever been!"
Grace: I was thinking, "I'd better speak faster before Katie Beth says something!"

Juliet: Katie Beth, I was sleeping underneath your bed because I love you.

Juliet is here!

I picked Juliet up from the airport this morning. I get her for almost a week, and it is SO good to see her. I've missed her terribly since I last saw her two years ago. We've got a lot of things planned for this week, including swimming (probably), seeing some old friends, watching Nacho Libre, and hanging out with the family.

And we're doing something tonight... what is it... I can't seem to remember....

Oh right! We're going to see No Doubt and Paramore! Oh yeeeaaaaah, Mr. Kool-Aid Man, oh yeeeaaaah. (I would link to that too, but Dane Cook's mouth ain't real clean. Still, I can't help adding "Mr. Kool-Aid Man" every time I say "oh yeah.") We've got lawn seats, so I'm bringing binoculars, but it should still be pretty awesome. Our crowd is me, Juliet, and Virginia, and word on the street is that Kelly and Candace have lawn seats too. Hopefully we'll get a lot of sweet pictures out of this concert. ;-)

Actually, we'll probably get some pretty sweet pictures from this visit in general. William is in love with Juliet, which always makes for a cuteness overload.

One more thing: Quotables coming soon!

Memorial Day and Elsie Dinsmore

Yesterday I went to some other church's Memorial Day picnic, went strawberry picking, and went over to the Wills' house for a Memorial Day cookout with the Cool Group. Virginia tagged along somehow, but she played with the other midgets. Ok, just kidding. I knew she was in the car.

The strawberries are most excellent, by the way. I continue to eat them. You should come help, cuz we have about a million tons of the things.

Oh, and it's been raining almost constantly for two days straight.

Kyle grilled some super yummy hamburgers that did not need extra onions, no matter what Kelly says. It was funny watching him grill under an umbrella. Um, we didn't eat outside. It wasn't for lack of trying.

Kimberly and Kyle and Kerr and I tried to go muddin' in my Explorer but the place was permanently closed. Seriously? Who does that?

At one point Kyle said he wished he had a sitting utensil, presumably instead of the window sill he was perching on, and he asked me if I would like I sitting utensil, presumably instead of the tile floor I was perching on.

Verbally, I wondered at his language. Mentally, I oggled. Because I recently called a towel a "drying utensil."

There are times when I wonder if Kyle and I are actually the same person and we got into two different bodies by mistake. I mentioned this to the mother and she said I shouldn't think about that too much, as it was very weird.

I told Hana about that and she said people tell her that a lot, which obviously proves that Hana and I really are the same person. We've known that for years, though. I told her that even though we were the same person, we have two different wallets, which is very convenient.

She thought that was weird.

What did you do for Memorial Day?

In other news, Kimberly and I are Goin' Huntin' In the Pink Woods* tomorrow, and Kerr is going with us. Heh. Heh. Heh. Won't this be FUN.

*At Kohl's:
"Look at THESE! Who needs pink camouflage shorts?!"
"It's for when you're goin' huntin' in the pink woods!"
We start to talk about how we should go to the other mall and get cheap clothes.
Later on Facebook:
"Hey! When are we goin' huntin' in the pink woods?"

Oh, and Rebecca is reading the Elsie Dinsmore series, which she borrows one book at a time from Jeanna, the youngest Will midget. It's bringing back bad/hilarious memories.
Kerr: *gets in my car* EW! Katie Beth, what is THIS doing in your car???

If you never read those, you didn't miss much. Kimberly and I read all 28 of the pink things (or did we stop at 24? Not like four books is a huge difference; they all say the same thing), plus a few of the yellow books about one of Elsie's sort-of cousins whose name I've forgotten. We were so emotionally scarred that we created a magazine expressely dedicated to Elsie Dinsmore spoofs. They were genius.

You can find some of the stories here, on my old blog. I posted them for my readers' entertainment. You may have to dig. Or, if there is enough popular demand, I can post some here.

Or you could come over to my house and read the entire huge binder I have of them. Brilliance. Trust me.

It is time for me to go to bed. I have to get up early to go a-Huntin' (in the Pink Woods, in my pink camo shorts that neither Kimberly nor I condescended to buy), and I slept in this morning because I forgot I was working at nine. I barely got to work on time. All that to say, goodnight. I hope your dreams are sweet and Elsie-free. Trust me, they can only be one or the other. Not both.

EDIT: O. Henry wrote an Elsie spoof?! I knew I loved him.

Well (and more fish)

Many things have happened since I posted last.

I studied a lot.

I finished school. All A's again this semester, which won't make up for the two uncharacteristic B's that wrecked my perfect GPA last semester.

Came to the realization that I am, once again, a college sophomore. Am I ever getting out of here?

I got sick.

I got very sunburned.

I went in the outdoor pool, which was like ice (that's where I got sunburned).

I recertified at work.

A lady used the word "behoove" at a show last night.

In case you're wondering, I'm still sick and sunburned. I've been sick for a week and it won't go away. I skipped church this morning. I never skip church.

Oh. I also started taking fish oil.

Let me tell you about the fish oil. You already read this post, so you know that I'm sort of suspicious when it comes to fish. I'm suspish of fish. Fish suspish.

Uhh, yeah, anyway, my art teacher told me that if I took fish oil it might help the months-old rashes I've got on my elbows. I mentioned this to my mom in passing, and she shocked me by unveiling a jug of fish oil pills she had hidden away somewhere. I couldn't get out of it then, so I had to take the stuff.

Without delving too deeply into how my art teacher was right, that stuff is weird. If you smell the inside of the bottle you smell... fish. And as you may remember from the tuna post, I felt like I was eating an entire tuna when I had the albacore stuff. Well, with this stuff, I feel like I'm imbibing an entire fishing boat. Although I doubt fishing boats go down quite so quickly.

I've never eaten a real fishing boat. This is all just conjecture.

But they're big, man. I don't know how many fish they had to squeeze to get all that oil out, but I would not want to be the undertaker in charge of that job. Even if I liked fish. Even if I absolutely loved and adored fish, dead or alive, I would not want to be the undertaker heading up the burial of those sacrificed fish bodies.

The rash is better though. So that's cool.

Sorry....

I just wanted to let all you poor neglected people know that I am still alive.

Further bulletins as events warrant.

Really? I said that?

Sebastian stayed for Sarah last night, so we closed together. There were two people in the pool. Sometimes our water is a little happy and it fizzes if the wake is sloshy enough.

Sebastian: The water's fizzing! Do you see that?!
Me: He has Coke on his toes.

Sometimes I amaze myself.