Stuff White People Like

It's been too long, and I'm terribly sorry. But that doesn't mean you get a real post. There's one in my head, I promise, but I'm very tired right now after having just finished a web assignment (which was fun, even though I waited until this afternoon to start the thing). So you get a fake post.

Sorry. F'sho, yo.

Anyway, I came across this site today while reading SuperUseless (yet another site you should frequent), and after reading a post or two I was hooked. It's called Stuff White People Like, and before you ask, yes, it is written by a white guy. It's right up my alley, so it must be right up yours too or you wouldn't read this blog (you DO read this blog, right?). Somehow the logic all works in my head. Don't ask.

Oh, fine. One more. Looking For Group. I dare you to start at the beginning and not be addicted in approximately four seconds.

Now while all y'all are wildly staring your beady little orbs out at those sites, I'll be sneaking off to the shower and my bed. And the fridge. Can't forget the fridge.

If you neglect my site for those, there will be consequences. Don't say I didn't warn you.

A great milestone has been reached

I reach the same milestone every year, but it's always just as sudden every year.

Basically, I stood outside during Sunday School today, in one position in the 75 degree weather (or whatever it was), and when I came in, I was... oh yeah, pink. Like super pink. But only on one side! So like a genius I sat outside for lunch at the Reeder's, with the sun on the SAME side, and now I'm pinker. So like a dweeb, when I realized how pink I was, I turned around. So now I'm burnt on both sides. My face looks like a joker face and yes, people have been laughing.

So that's the milestone. First sunburn of the year. Nice to know it's over with and I can start wearing sunscreen.

By the way, you may notice that my last post was about snow and this post is about 75 degree weather. That's North Carolina for you. Truly. Going from unseasonably cold to warm in less than a week is pretty normal here.

And that's about all I have to say... I have to go, because my shoulders hurt.

P.S. I'm going to have the goofiest burn line when I'm in my guard suit tomorrow. I can't decide if it would better or worse if I'd been wearing a shirt with sleeves instead of a tank top.

I gots me a fan club!

Or SOMETHING.

***

Transcript of chat between Hannah and Shannon, emailed to me and Shannon by Hannah:

Hannah: so I was thinking...

Shannon: haha

Hannah: scheming B-)

Shannon: :-D

I'm all for scheming

Hannah: we should have a convo about KB's quotables

and send it to her :P

lol!

Shannon: HAHAHA

Yessssssss

Hannah: HAHAHAHAH

B-)

ahem

Shannon: cough

Hannah: (what does one say?)

Shannon: one says "I'M AWESOME!"

Hannah: I mean KB's just too amazing!?

lol

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Shannon: "YOU'RE AWESOME!"

Hannah: I love you.

"We Rock."

Shannon: "WE ARE AWESOME!"

Hannah: "This world."

Shannon: :-D

Hannah: "AND we know it."

Shannon: "Apart."

Email from Shannon to Hannah and me:

Hans, dear..

*cough* I totally didn't realize you said we should have the conversation right away and that THAT was the conversation. ;-) I thought we'd have it later since you were going away. :-D Blonde moment. I say we re-do. I don't mind proclaiming my awesomeness all over again, seeing as how I am always the star of those quotables, even when I'm not in them.

Email from Hannah to Shannon and me:

LOL - oopsies. :P I think it's funny that we send KB our blonde moments. teehee! So cute you are. But KB, in favor of Shannon being pleased I request that you smile at our silliness and delete this. *curtsies*

Email from me to Hannah and Shannon:

LOL. But, but but... I was gonna put it on the blog!

I heart you both. ;-D *hugs*

Chat between Shannon and I:

Shannon: You were NOT going to put it on the blog!!

me: I WAS!

Shannon: Haha

Wooooo

*wow

Go ahead if you want, but seriously..

me: ;-D

Shannon: She says "I have to run in a minute"

me: no, if y'all don't want me to I won't

LOL

Shannon: And then "We should have a conversation about KB's quotables!!"

And I thought she meant LATER, like sometime when we actually have time to look at them/make fun of them. ;-)

No, I don't care, really -- you can if you'd like.

I don't mind being famous.

me: LOL

better wait for Hannah's ok first ;-)

Shannon: I'm sure you'll get one. ;-)

It was me that was the fool.

me: rofl

Shannon: feels like a little kid

Email from Hannah to Shannon and me:

Aw, shucks, KB YOU are the one that rocks this world APART, girl! :D *hugs back*

Email from me to Hannah and Shannon:

Can I still put it on the blog? :-D (Might be in a day or two... I gotta write up a post on gang bosses. Stay tuned.)

Email from Shannon to Hannah and me:

lol, of course.

Email from Shannon to Hannah and me:

hans said that was fine too; she said that this afternoon.

Email from Hannah to Shannon and me:

sure thing :D

***

All that to say, wow, my friends are hilarious.

In other news, we woke up with snow again this morning, on March 2nd. I don't think I ever remember having snow in March, much less enough to play in. I got out of both school and work, and we built, um, something that was taller than me. If I knew exactly what it was I would tell you. The original idea was to build a huge snowman, but Jesse and Anna and I were all rolling snowballs at the same pace, and they were all huge and no one was stopping, so we wouldn't have been able to lift them anyway. Then I was going to make my snowball bigger than me, but I couldn't roll it by myself anymore, so Jesse had to help. Then we couldn't roll it any more at all, even with Jesse, myself, Anna, Rebecca, and two shovels (it was about as high as my snow-suited waist), so we had to pile snow on top.

The best part (or at least the prettiest) part about being outside today was that the flowers were blooming under the snow. My little ornamental cherry tree was especially pretty. I was going to post just one picture, but I think I'll post a few.

These are raw and unedited. There are a couple that I'd like to switch out for the slightly edited versions, but I'm much too tired to deal with that tonight. If you'd like to see them, say so and I'll post them later.

Um. Those last two weren't actually in the snow. Or from today, come to think of it. That's the kind of food I like to pig out on all the time. Virginia makes fabulous frappuccinos.

But that doesn't mean I know how they got in there. Honest.



Oh good, familiar territory. Well, familiar in the sense that it's actually what I've been talking about in this post. Completely unfamiliar, really, since it's March here in NC and this is NOT the kind of precipitation we get in NC in March. But I'm not complaining.







Before you ask, yeah, those are my mom's 1970's snow pants with a strap missing (it broke the last time it snowed). That's also my mom's old Coke sweatshirt.

Cutest kid ever. Don't you deny it.



He shot me.

***

I want a frappuccino.

I won't tell you what I really call him

Well, we just watched Obama's speech. I don't usually write on a political bent here because it's not my style, but I had a few things about the speech I wanted to say. I know there are way more important things he talked about (the budget, the military, healthcare, etc.), but the (roughly) three things I'm going to mention are what jumped out at me. They're probably not in order either.

First of all, Obama says he doesn't want to be dependent on foreign countries for things like car batteries. He says we have new plug-in smart cars rolling off the lines, running on batteries from Korea. Then later he says that we need to be sending more stuff overseas. So he doesn't want to buy from them, but he wants them to buy from us? Isn't trade supposed to be a reciprocal thing? I buy from you, you buy from me? I'm all for using our resources here at home, don't get me wrong. I just think he's seriously understimating the advantage, and especially the necessity, of trade with foreign countries.

Secondly--and this is what really gets me, as a student--Obama says he wants to create jobs. That's a no brainer. But then, talking about education and the high cost of tuition, he was talking about how we all need to make sacrifices and volunteer our time to help out. He says if you will volunteer your time to help out somehow, the government will help you pay for school. He's not encouraging anyone to work. All he's asking is for everyone to spend a few hours so we can get free (or cheap) education. So much for all those jobs he wants to create. If he really wanted to encourage people to work and help them out with tuition, he would say something like, "Make this much and the government will supplement this much." I'm not even sure I would agree to that, but it would at least be better than giving out money for volunteer work. He also mentioned, almost in passing, that welfare would continue/increase. Not really a huge help, in my opinion.

Finally, Obama says that anyone who makes under $250,000 will get a tax cut, and that "big businesses" that ship jobs overseas will no longer get tax breaks (effectively leaving them with a tax increase). That's just going to make it that much easier for those big businesses to go under, creating that many more unemployed people. It also takes away incentive to work hard and make more than $250,000 a year.

He also said some things that really make me want to ask, "Who are you to tell us what we need? It's our money and our hard work. Give it back and let us work with it."

I'm glad I didn't vote for him.

(P.S. Feel free to contradict me, question me, or otherwise disagree with me. I'm open. :-) )

How to Tuna Fish

This post actually has nothing to do with tuning a fish. But I really wanted to use the phrase "Tuna Fish." Take what you can get, right?

I do, however, really have questions about this Albacore Tuna stuff that my mom's been buying. I always thought tuna was supposed to be sort of a dull greyish pink and shreddy and suspicious-like. I thought everyone doubted whether the stuff in the can was actually fish.

Then the parent (parentess?) came home with this Albacore stuff, and I'm having some serious misgivings about the way I was raised. At least regarding tuna.

Wait, no, I have misgivings about the rest of it too. Ignore the previous.

So she brings home this pink stuff in a can, and first off, it's pink. Like real fish. That's a major tipoff right there. Second, it isn't all shreddy. It's like... round... and it has pieces. Like, you know, fish pieces. I mean, the round part is obvious. It's in a can. But the pieces in the round can are what I'm really driving at here. Fish pieces.

I am disconcerted.

Then I mash it up in the bowl with mayonnaise and relish, and it has texture. What? Textured tuna? The world must be coming to an end. I thought tuna was supposed to be grey, flat, and all one consistency.

It sort of makes me feel like I'm putting a whole tuna on my sandwich. It's weird.

I mentioned this to my mom, and she asked me if I meant a whole tuna. "Tuna fish are huge," she said.

Yeah, thanks Mom, I had no idea.

C'mon! I was home schooled! I know how big tuna fish are!

Being home schooled is a good excuse for anything.

Ironically, I learned how big tuna fish are from The Magic School Bus, where the fish were roughly as big as the bus. That was a great show and I'm not ashamed.

Anyway, my point is that when I said I felt like I was putting a whole tuna on my sandwich, I meant it. That's why I said it. Albacore tuna is big. And I think it might be real fish.

That's all I'm really drivin' at. Thanks for listening.

Gang Boss 101

Because I have such strong ties to all of the gangs in New York City (the means of which I shall not disclose), I am now authorized to bring you this intriguing information regarding a normal day in the life of the typical New York City gang boss or, as the case may be, one of his subordinates.

The gang boss (or subordinate) goes grocery shopping. While in Food Lion (probably Food Lion, because he has to keep up appearances, and "Kroger" just doesn't have that King of the Jungle feel). While buying essential items like flank steak, Pop Tarts, and grey poupon (nothing but the best for our distinguished gang boss), he also purchases a roll or two of aluminum foil. Having come upon a wad of said foil on a previous visit to the food emporium, he is well aware of its practical and economical benefits.

Our gang boss (or subordinate) deposits his recent purchases at his Bronx apartment on his way to the first gang war of the evening. At the same time he carefully arranges his hair (if he has not opted to shave his head so as to facilitate easier viewing of his scalp tattoos) in a messy and threatening manner. He knows that first impressions are important. He puts on his best ripped and graffiti'd jeans, makes sure the boxers are properly sown in, and hooks his suspenders onto the boxers, which rise a good foot or two above the waist of his denim trousers. He then puts his baggiest black shirt with the most questionable motif over the suspenders, and steps into his pristine white graffiti'd shoes, which he glues onto his feet so that as he chases down rival thugs, his untied shoes will not hinder his movement. He puts his biggest diamond earrings in his ears and his heaviest gold bling around his neck. He carefully ties his bandana around his head, and covers it with a hat, which still has the sticker on the flat brim. He places his trusty .45 somewhere in his getup, where he can retrieve it, impressively, at a moment's notice.

Lastly, he takes out two big sheets of aluminum foil and wads them around his fists, creating aluminum knuckles. Since our gang boss is not very monetarily advantaged, this is his alternative to brass knuckles. Cheap, but still flashy.

He then slouches carefully down the sidewalk, on his way to the first gang war of the evening.

After performing admirably in the gang wars, our gang boss (or subordinate, as we are about to find out) hies himself back to his apartment. He peels off his aluminum knuckles, flattens them out, and places the shining sheet over his marvelous gourmet dinner while it cooks. He sits down to watch a romantic comedy while he savors his meal. He cries during the movie.

You may be wondering at his choice of food. One essential thing to realize about gang bosses (or subordinates) is that at heart, they are all sensitive souls with a taste for caviar and cordon bleu. They are also very good cooks. Gang bosses (and subordinates) are insecure. They need to be loved. And so they cook themselves gourmet meals and watch romantic comedies. However, it is also essential to know that none of the other gang bosses (or subordinates) know this about each other. If they knew, they would all get together and have a cookout every weekend, but they don't, so they have gang wars instead.

But I digress.

This is where we transition from gang boss to subordinate, because no one calls the gang boss. He is the one doing the calling, and it would be boring to listen to him call every member of his gang and tell them the same thing. So we will now focus on the subordinate, the lowly gang member. Perhaps he isn't even that lowly. Perhaps he truly is second-in-command. Perhaps he has more bling than anyone, save the bossman. It makes no difference. They are all at home watching romantic comedies.

About halfway through the movie, the subordinate's phone rings. He quickly grabs a Kleenex and dries his tears and wipes his sniffly nose. He lowers his voice a bit. "Yeah," he says gruffly into the telephone. He listens a bit, trying bravely not to sniff. The movie is an emotional one. "Tenth and Main," he says snappily. "Got it." He then looks at his TV. "Uh, can you gimme... 47 minutes? Yeah. We'll jump that clique. They won't know what hit 'em. Yeah. Sorry boss. Sorry. I know. You're the boss. Sorry." He hangs up, because the gang boss hung up on him first, probably because he, too, wanted to finish his own romantic comedy.

Our subordinate finishes his movie. He then peels the aluminum foil off his dishes, wraps it around his fists, and heads out the door.

Newly fortified with a romantic comedy and chicken cordon bleu, all of the gangs fight bravely. There is no decided outcome, but each gang is convinced that it is the winner.

Sometimes the gang members would like some barbecue, but they can't tell anyone. Besides, they like cordon bleu too.

Free Gmail Stickers - Yes, Really

I knew I loved Google and all things associated with it (well, mostly), but this might just take the cake. Gmail stickers? Seriously?

Yep. Seriously.

Go here and get 'em. Gotta go before February 14th!