Quotables

VA: William, would you take me out on a date if I weren’t your sister?

William: Well, maybe. If I had my own car.

VA: If you had your own car you’d take me on a date?

William: Yeah, maybe. If you weren’t my sister.

KB: Would you take me on a date if I weren’t your sister?

William: Well maybe, if I had my own car!

KB: So you’d pick me up and pay for dinner and stuff? You know the guy has to pay if it’s a date?

William: What?!?!

KB: You didn’t know the guy has to pay?

William: I don’t wanna pay!

KB: So you wouldn’t take me out on a date if I weren’t your sister?

William: Well, I don’t wanna pay! You can pay! I just wanna drive!

VA: I like the picture of me doing a flip on the trampoline, because it makes me look mildly athletic.

KB: That is something to think about. I want a new profile pic. I would want one of me doing deadlifts but I want to get more plates on first.

VA: How about when I finish eating, you can have my plates.

Passing Victoria’s Secret

VA: UGH, her perfect body. I wish I looked like that.

KB: It’s not real, you know.

VA: Yes it is!

KB: There’s a LOT of Photoshop on those pictures.

VA: Oh. Well… I’m just gonna pretend she’s a really fat girl to make myself feel better.

After watching a Blistex commercial

KB: Do you girls have five-star lips?

Rebecca: No….

KB: Well you better GET ON that.

Maggie: I think mine are more like three-star.

KB: Obama’s at nc state so 40’s shut down. THANKS OBAMA

VA: You see how his socialist agenda is affecting today’s traffic.

Rebecca: I may or may not have gotten literally stuck inside a pair of pants yesterday.

Anna: I really wanna see The Hunger Games. The Conlon boys said it was really good. Well, Peter said it was good. Nate said the seats were uncomfortable.

After I burp

William: Jesse and Daddy burp like that. It’s so cool.

William: Have you ever seen a three-legged elephant? Cuz I haven’t.

KB: William, do you want pie now?

William: No, I want to de-gest a little first.

Dave: hows fun time with the kids?

KB: We just finished Cars 2, then we finished the pie, now we’re watching Phineas and Ferb. Then I think Pookums and Zubby are going to bed and Anna and I are watching She’s the Man. Big agenda. :-P What about you?

Dave: about the same actually. After i put zibbidydooda and chingching to bed, me and sartaropolaus are gonna watch justified

KB: do yall have casual fridays?

Dave: NO!

haha

we have uncomfortable Tuesdays

A sibling: How many is a bajillion?

KB: What do you mean? What kind of question is that? That's like asking "How many is five?" It's five! A bajillion is a bajillion!

Days later

KB: How long is ten feet?

Dave: What do you mean? What kind of question is that?! It's ten of them!

Guy at the brewery: Can I get a Fruitcake for my partner?

Later

Dave: Ok, you have to put this in your quotables. This has to be, like, your whole Quotables. That guy just asked for a Fruitcake for his partner. Do you not see how funny that is??

KB: We assaulted part of the driveway earlier.

Mom: That sounds like fun.

Rebecca: Periods really cramp my style.

KB: har har har

Rebecca: You should thank me, I opted not to post that on facebook.

Pat: What is up with my preacher? He wants me to join Twitter.

William: Mrs. Lenahan, can I have my birthday party at your house?

Mrs. Lenahan: Sure! What do you want to do?

William: Well, I mostly want to play with the Potato Heads.

KB: Stop! You look like an embarrassed sea turtle!

Rebecca: I am an embarrassed sea turtle!

KB: Well stop! Sea turtles have nothing to be embarrassed about!

Maggie: Except looking like awkward Rebeccas.

As I timidly get in the car so she can drive:

Rebecca: You are not going to die. Well, you might.

Rebecca: Nowadays I can mostly put my turn signals on and off without crashing into people.

Alex: I ate too much comfort food and now I feel terrible :-(

KB: Lol, oh dear. You do that a lot.

Alex: I NEED A LOT OF COMFORTING!!!!

KB: Whoa there buddy.

Alex: Just not from people…

KB: Hahahaha

Alex: What?

KB: Oh nothing

Alex: You don’t count as people!!

KB: I’m really confused about whether or not I should be offended.

Alex: Lol, I don’t like people.

KB: But… am I food?

Alex: I just laughed soooo hard! You are NOT food.

KB: GOOD.

Alex: Your meat would be tough and bland because you exercise too much and have no fat!

KB: That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.

Alex: No way!

KB: I'm at Hana and Michael’s and I'm not wearing pants. [Translation: I’m wearing leggings.]

Later:

VA: Also, at Hana and Michael’s, what were you wearing under your not pants?

KB: underpants! They're Hana's not pants.

VA: you just wore those around Michael?? Weird.

KB: Well they're super loose, so... I'm still wearing them actually. We're having the laziest day ever AND there was bacon.

VA: You should put some pants on. Poor Michael.

KB: HE doesn't care. They just look like those horrible stirrup pants everyone used to wear.

VA: Why does Hana have those? Ohh I just realized... I was actually imagining you wearing underwear. And when you said that they're loose, it just made it way worse.

KB: ...............

Va: rofl

KB: woooooow lolz

VA: Glad we got that cleared up. SO GLAD.

Alex: One time in the Harris Teeter parking lot I saw three midgets. They were in the middle of where everyone else was driving, and they were holding hands and skipping.

KB: They were going to Oz.

Alex: No, they were going to Subway.

KB: I think I just choked on my own throat and coughed it all up….

Alex: You coughed up your throat?! 
KB: I believe so, yes.

Alex: Is that something you can walk off or do you need to seek a professional?

Alex: I’m tired of being a fattymagoo.

VA: last night I dreamed that I found a live baby in a dumpster. I rescued it, but it kept shrinking throughout the dream, and eventually it turned into a sponge.

KB: .......

I've always sort of wanted to rescue a baby, but I would want to keep it, and that would probably not be very good. So that's why I never rescue babies. When I see em lying around I'm like, nah.

VA: Yeah. I kept the one I rescued, and it turned into a sponge. I think the moral of this story is pretty clear.

Alex: I fear that I will never again have a job where I can have impromptu giant pixie stick fights with the customers… that’s a sad realization...

Miles: Apparently we have a slack mailman. Ima find 'im and give him what for. And then I'm gonna beat him up, with that same what for. You can beat someone up with a what for, right?

William: Sometime I want to come stay at your house without the girls, and we can go to your pool and eat pizza all day!

KB: Pizza all day?? That doesn't sound very healthy....

William: *thinks for a minute* Pizza and carrots and apples!

Dave:  i had a return today that was 106 pages long

i cant wait until my financial life gets that complicated

right now

its like.......3 pages

depending on the font size and spacing

KB:  why the heck would you want it to be complicated??!?!?!! why can't it be uncomplicated and just pricey?!

Dave:  that statement would be an improvement for the average woman

instead.....they are complicated AND pricey

Following a conversation about Anna's throwing knives

Jordan: Every time I come back I'm slightly amazed that there are still so many of you.

Patience: Is it because our brains are smaller than normal?

During a discussion of weight and exercise

Patience: *picks up a French fry* should I eat this?... It's fine, I can afford it.

Patience: I’m pretty sure I’m Grandma’s favorite grandchild.

KB: You’re sure of that, huh?

Patience: How could I not be?

KB: There’s a goose out there, just chillin’ in the water.

Pat: Stupid idiot.

KB: He’s all by himself.

Pat: Oh, there’s another one. They’re in pairs, they can’t poop alone.

Getting birthday gift suggestions:

KB: What about Patience?

Mom: No idea. Was going to google “gifts for the organized child.”

How are you?

How are you?

The catch-all, the obligatory, the I'm-not-asking-because-I-care-I'm-just-asking-because-it's-the-thing-to-say.

Always the same answer, because it's always the same question.

Fine, how are you? Smile.

Tired. Alone. Buying food for dishes I know I won't have time to make because I work four jobs to pay for school and I live on my own and I have to cook for myself now, you know? I have so much work to do when I get home but I'll probably just collapse on the bed and fall asleep, then I'll stress about it even more later because I should have finished it by now. Hours and hours and hours of work. My stomach hurts. The chicken's been in the fridge for like two weeks and I don't know how long you're allowed to do that before you have to throw it out because I'm just pretending to do this adult thing and I don't really have a handle on it and I never wanted to need to have a handle on it to begin with.

But all I really say is, Fine.

But I am fine. I'm great. I'm a child of God. It's ok to be alone, but really I'm not alone at all. He's never let me down and He never will. I'm so blessed to have four jobs when so many people can't find one. I can pay for school and rent and food and boy do I eat well. Naps are allowed sometimes. With a little more focus and a little less Facebook I can get that work done, no problem. I'll eat something, it doesn't matter what right now. Priorities. My stomach will be ok. I am not dying. The chicken's probably still good, and if it's not, I have more. I am loved because of, in spite of the nothing I have done, by a Savior who didn't have to give His life for mine, but He did. I have nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.

Another smile, more genuine this time. The cashier has no idea what just went through my head, that I just celebrated my own quiet Easter at the register. But I hope my second smile brightens her day a little bit, because she brightened mine.

And me, I'm just fine.

Quotables!

Alex picks up a bowling ball

Alex: I like this one because it looks like a peacock.

Dave: Would you like an invoicing snack?

Alex: Obligatory morning greeting.

KB: Obligatory inquiry of general well-being.

Alex: We are nerds…

Tim: I’ve definitely been putting laundry detergent in the dishwasher. Probably not ready to live alone…

Dave: You can call it the Sirens for Christ ministry. You can attract heartsick boys one by one and then break them down emotionally and bring them to church hahaha

KB: You’re a sweaty boy, huh?

William: I try to be!

Dave: Can you please stop climbing everything

Patience, brightly: We’re old people on our deathbed!

Alex: will you be my pen pal when I’m in prison?

Tim: I’m trying to set up a house cleaning schedule for myself. How often do people vacuum? Every six months?

Alex: No junk food, day one: I awoke this morning to find that the stuffed protruding belly that I have recently grown used to was not there to greet me… in a way it seems I have lost a comforting friend.

Dave: face it, I’m one of the sweeter van driving creeps you’ve come across

KB: Personally I want a wombat.

Dave: thats totally fair and reasonable

Chip: We disagree that this is not a whisk.

KB: Something just fell out of your hai--

David: Is it a treat???

Tim: On another note, I don’t know how pen-clickers have such an utter lack of self awareness.

Dave: im so going to die young at this rate. I need a cauliflower

Overheard at Walmart:

Guy: Hey babe, you know what I just thought of? Was I trying on the girls stuff?!!??!

Girl: Who cares?

Guy: What!!?!?!?!

Drew: Can you hand me the green blanket?

Becca: Sure. *hands her the blanket* This is how you save money! You don’t turn the heat on! You watch movies in your sweatpants and blanket and jacket!

Alex: llamas. That is all.

KB: Makes sense.

Alex: I should say so!

Dave’s vendetta against salads

Dave: anything like “spring garden medley” is clearly uncalled for!

Dave: or “arugala delight,” etc

Dave: are girls shoe sizes different? Like pant sizes?

KB: um

Dave: I don't understand the girl system

KB: well a women's 7 is not the same as a man's 7

I don't think

Dave: how can someone be a 0 to a 6?

haha

KB: in pants?

Dave: yes

KB: there's 00 too!

hahaha

Dave: i dont understand that system either!!!!

AND WHAT IS GLUTEN!?!?!?!?!?!?

VA: If there’s a world record for greatest amount peed at one time, I just broke it.

Alex: I don’t think your hard to get along with.

KB: That’s because you’re hard to get along with. ;-)

Alex: I most certainly am not! I’m a peach to be around!

What an odd phrase… I don’t know where that even came from….

KB: my sister thinks that’s way hot

for the record

hahaha

Dave: what?

zz top?

HAHAHAHAHA

HHAHAHAHAHA

dlifalsfd;sf

KB: well, yeah

Dave: hfdlas;fjlasdfls

KB: ancient people with enormous beards

hahaha!

Dave: HAHAHAHAHAHA

SHE THINKS THAT’S HOT?!?!?!?!?!

KB: always has

she’s a weirdo :-P

Dave: I WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER

UNDERSTAND WOMEN AT ALL

just when you think

KB: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dave: there’s no way a girl will go for that…..

a girl goes for that

I quit

I quit I quit I quit

Alex: While there’s a third party involved ask them how gross they think bodies are.

KB: She does not think bodies are gross.

Drew: I think when you overthink it they can be gross. Like when I overthink ketchup it’s disgusting.

Drew: Was your family seriously arguing about who has the boniest butt?

KB: Oh, yeah. It’s a pretty common occurrence. Happens all the time.

Drew: …...My integration into the Groover clan is not yet complete……

Drew: You need to become a Baptist because you love food too much!!

Staring at Drew’s bare feet:

Dr. Ecker: It’s like I’m watching a train wreck! I can’t look away!

Dave: You stole pancakes from the seminary!?!?!

Dave: im trying to be the triangles most eligible hermit

it might take a few years

KB: I shall send a pigeon.

Jordan: To bite me? You'll train it? That's dedication. I'm kind of honored.

KB: You're worth it.

VA: Maggie is the best French braider in the east.

KB: The east of what?

VA: Just... the east.

Drew: ...Yeah, so then…… then he…… *trails off and stares at the ceiling*...... I think we need to vacuum our ceiling.