You all know I'm a lifeguard. I'm certified in lifeguarding, CPR, Oxygen, AED, First Aid, and not to be incomplete, BBP.
(If you're don't know, that's Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation, uh, Oxygen, Automated External Defibrillator, uh, First Aid, and Blood Borne Pathogens.)
I also work out.
Basically what it boils down to is that I've taken a bunch of classes and spent a lot of time preparing so that I'm mentally and physically prepared to sit in a white chair and watch you frolic.
Every now and then I might get to jump in and save one of you, but really, I'm supposed to be more preventive so I can watch you safely from afar.
Oh, and I get to use a lot of sunscreen.
I know you think I'm a very caring person to do all of this for you. I know you think I do it out of the deepest goodness of my heart. I know you think that I've got my eyes peeled every second of every shift. I know you think I don't miss a thing.
What you don't realize is that while all of that may be true (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it), you really hit on the most important part: I don't miss a thing.
I see you when you throw your kid into the air. I see when your kid swims through the rail. I see that bright flash of pure white skin that tells me your kid is not wearing a swim band. I see your kid diving into the shallow end. I see your swimsuit.
Yeah. Can I just say something about swimsuits?
I just Googled it, and "suit" is referred to in more than one place as "a set of garments." Now pair that with the word "swim" and I guess you'd have "a set of garments made for swimming." I just Googled "swimsuit" too, and yes indeed, it is referred to as a "garment."
I also just Googled "garment," and it, to put it shortly, is something that is supposed to "cover the body."
Your swimgarment isn't doing that.
Actually that's the smallest swimgarment I've ever seen. How does it stay on? Where did you get it? I merely ask because my six-year-old sister needs a new swimsuit and that one looks about her size. You are not her size. You wouldn't be interested in giving it up, would you? No, it's ok. I just thought I'd ask because you seem to be coming out of it.
No, it's cool. Just thought I'd ask.
Dads? I feel for you. I know your wife is in the gym working out or something and you were sweet and said you'd take the kids up to the pool. She probably offered to get them into their suits, but you said no, it's cold out, I'll do it when we get to the locker room.
Sir, let me show you how this strange pink contraption works. I know you've never worn one, but it's a bit like underwear. The skinny part goes in the front. The not skinny part goes in the back.
I just thought I'd tell you because the skinny part of your daughter's swimsuit is in the back. Again. For the third time this week. And she looks uncomfortable. Again.
No, it's cool. Just thought I'd let you know.
Oh, and lap swimmers? You might want to have your wives check the backs of your jammers before you come to the pool. If she can see through them, it's time to get a new pair.
No, it's cool. Just... don't do anymore flip turns today.
Thanks.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Notes, Observations, and Other Eccentricities
This is a hodge-podge post because I have stuff to say, but not really. So here we go. I think I'll order these according to category, because I'm a freak like that.
Notes - I got accepted into The Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham. It's gonna be a switch, for sure. I'm torn, because I do want to go there. I do. It's just that I had absolutely zero doubt that I would get in, so I feel like it wasn't a big enough challenge, which is kind of disappointing. But that's just me being retarded. It should be a great school (expensive, though).
Observations - Rebecca got braces. She keeps complaining that her teeth hurt and that she can't talk, but as far as I can tell she's talking as much as ever.
Eccentricities - Anna is running around singing Man in the Mirror because she thinks she's black. That's ok, Michael Jackson thought he was white.
Notes - Quotables coming soon.
Observations - It's weird when you're not friends with someone and then all of a sudden you are, apparently, and you're like, "Hey, we're not friends, I didn't approve of this! Why are we friends? Who says?"
Eccentricities - Virginia has got to be the most forgetful person in the world. We had this conversation in the car today:
KB: The drive-in has Avatar.
VA: I know. I saw that when Mommy and I were driving up here.
Later, as we pass the drive-in:
VA: *mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like, "Hey they have Avatar."*
KB: What?
VA: Um. I was going to say they had Avatar... but then I remembered you'd just told me that.
KB: And when I told you, you said you already knew!
VA: Oh yeah... man, I forgot and then I forgot that I forgot!
I rest my case.
Notes - I haven't gotten more than about five or six hours of sleep in the last three nights. I'm dead tired.
Observations - I worked out for a full hour and a half at the gym yesterday. It felt awesome and today I can't move. It still feels awesome, but it's inconvenient when I try to do complicated things like walking.
Eccentricities - Today I had to go to the scholarship ceremony at school. This definitely counts as eccentric.
Notes - The dog is giving himself a bath behind me and it's gross.
Observations - It's high time I had a photo shoot. Who wants to help?
Eccentricities - I am a banana. (My spoon is too big.)
Notes - I got accepted into The Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham. It's gonna be a switch, for sure. I'm torn, because I do want to go there. I do. It's just that I had absolutely zero doubt that I would get in, so I feel like it wasn't a big enough challenge, which is kind of disappointing. But that's just me being retarded. It should be a great school (expensive, though).
Observations - Rebecca got braces. She keeps complaining that her teeth hurt and that she can't talk, but as far as I can tell she's talking as much as ever.
Eccentricities - Anna is running around singing Man in the Mirror because she thinks she's black. That's ok, Michael Jackson thought he was white.
Notes - Quotables coming soon.
Observations - It's weird when you're not friends with someone and then all of a sudden you are, apparently, and you're like, "Hey, we're not friends, I didn't approve of this! Why are we friends? Who says?"
Eccentricities - Virginia has got to be the most forgetful person in the world. We had this conversation in the car today:
KB: The drive-in has Avatar.
VA: I know. I saw that when Mommy and I were driving up here.
Later, as we pass the drive-in:
VA: *mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like, "Hey they have Avatar."*
KB: What?
VA: Um. I was going to say they had Avatar... but then I remembered you'd just told me that.
KB: And when I told you, you said you already knew!
VA: Oh yeah... man, I forgot and then I forgot that I forgot!
I rest my case.
Notes - I haven't gotten more than about five or six hours of sleep in the last three nights. I'm dead tired.
Observations - I worked out for a full hour and a half at the gym yesterday. It felt awesome and today I can't move. It still feels awesome, but it's inconvenient when I try to do complicated things like walking.
Eccentricities - Today I had to go to the scholarship ceremony at school. This definitely counts as eccentric.
Notes - The dog is giving himself a bath behind me and it's gross.
Observations - It's high time I had a photo shoot. Who wants to help?
Eccentricities - I am a banana. (My spoon is too big.)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
How to Write an Essay 101
I guess it's bad when your dad (of all people) tells you a few times a week that "you haven't posted since DECEMBER 28TH." Yeah, well... well... well nothin', I just didn't.
Sorry.
Tonight, rather than actually writing my admissions essay (due tomorrow), I'd like to teach y'all how to write one, which I think we can all agree is much more fun.
While I do it I'll watch Emma so I can feel like I'm actually accomplishing things.
(Don't worry. I really will write the essay tonight.)
Ok. I'm all set, so here we go. Please listen closely.
Essays Made Easy
1. First of all, you have to read the essay assignment. This part is kind of important since it allows you to actually write an essay that will not be immediately throw in the trash (we hope).
We'll take my essay assignment as an example.
Fortunately the essay I'm supposed to be writing right now is "about 150 words, give or take." I'm glad AI is so specific.
3. Brainstorming comes next. This is when you really get down to business and start getting stuff done. Personally, I printed out the essay question and wrote down ideas underneath. I'll show you my list, so you can get an idea of how to do it really well.
Sorry.
Tonight, rather than actually writing my admissions essay (due tomorrow), I'd like to teach y'all how to write one, which I think we can all agree is much more fun.
While I do it I'll watch Emma so I can feel like I'm actually accomplishing things.
(Don't worry. I really will write the essay tonight.)
Ok. I'm all set, so here we go. Please listen closely.
Essays Made Easy
1. First of all, you have to read the essay assignment. This part is kind of important since it allows you to actually write an essay that will not be immediately throw in the trash (we hope).
We'll take my essay assignment as an example.
What degree are you seeking at The Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham, why do you want this degree, and how do you expect your education from the Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham to help you obtain your career goals?2. Second, you should probably check the word requirement to see how long your essay has to be. Make sure you know whether the number refers to words or characters, and whether it means with or without spaces. This will keep you from writing like seven million words and having to cut out about three million when you find out at the last minute that you were supposed to be writing with a character limit, not a word limit. Not that it happened to me personally or anything.
Fortunately the essay I'm supposed to be writing right now is "about 150 words, give or take." I'm glad AI is so specific.
3. Brainstorming comes next. This is when you really get down to business and start getting stuff done. Personally, I printed out the essay question and wrote down ideas underneath. I'll show you my list, so you can get an idea of how to do it really well.
What degree are you seeking at The Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham, why do you want this degree, and how do you expect your education from The Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham to help you obtain your career goals?Hm. Well, I started out alright.
(In blue pen):
Graphic design b/c I want to be a graphic designer (design what?). CD's, posters, promotional art, clothing graphics, life (so there).
AI will help by:
- Giving me experience to visualize what the client wants
- Teaching me to complete a project for web and print
- Teaching me diff. aspects of design (type, color, composition)
- Putting me in debt for the rest of my life
- Stealing my soul
- Exposing me to freaks of every disposition
- Taking all my money
- Allowing me to finish college faster
- Crunching my classes into two days
- Did I mention taking all my money?
- Probably traumatizing me b/c Durham is such a hellhole
- But then, so is Henderson
- Dante had obviously been to Durham
- Durham was probably his inspiration, actually
- Don't even try to tell me it isn't true
- Btw i luv art
- Please don't take all that money
- I needs it
(Flip page):
But really... (what do they expect from 150 words anyway? Come on.)
Computer, here I come.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Quotables!
You can tell I'm enjoying my vacation when I don't even post. At all. Anyway, time for quotables!
***
VA: For better or for worse.
KB: Woo.
VA: For better or for worse. Till meth do its part.
Patience: *hanging on Maggie*
Maggie: *trips*
VA: Patience, you need to stop that. You're causing her to stumble.
VA: Man, I'm getting so tired of showering.
Nala: obviously Katie: lol! Nala: that's what an enigma is! Katie: oh Nala: ROFL Katie: whatever :-P Nala: QUOTABLES Katie: hahahaha Nala: YES YOU CAN Katie: NO Nala: SO, CHANGE HIS NAME Katie: well I could Nala: :-D Katie: yeah I could do that :-P
^Heheheh.^
VA: *solemnly* I feel the giggles engulfing me.
VA: You know that song?
KB: ......
VA: The Trisha Yearwood one?
KB: ......
VA: The Walkaway Joke one?
KB: Yeah?................. So?
VA: I forgot about it.
Jack: ARE YOU IN YOUR BOXERS?!?!
Si: I fowgot my pants!
VA: *in the dark of the theater* Look at that little dude who went to see Twilight.
KB: He probably brought females with him.
VA: *disparagingly* He doesn't look like the type to attract women.
KB: ?!?!?!
VA: Of course, all I saw was his glasses.
VA: *still waiting for the movie to start*What happens in New Moon again?
KB: Virginia!!
VA: I forgot! It's when he................?
KB: Uh, Edward LEAVES?
VA: Ohh, so this is gonna be her lying in the woods the whole time. Got it.
Anna: YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T SIGN THE PEACE TREATY!!!
Talking about birds' mating habits:
Dr. Settles: So this guy's floofing out his feathers trying to get her attention, and dancin' around in circles and stuff.
KB: *to Janna* I think all guys should do that....
Janna: Yeah, why can't human guys do that?
KB: Hoppin' around....
Janna: That's gonna be a requirement for the guy I marry.
Kyle: can I have an aligator on a leash
KB: depends on what you want it for
Kyle: do you not trust me with a pet aligator on a leash.
Max: i know i could put a 115 above my head, well atleast a barbell. people are more floppy :)
KB: um, yes, I am definitely more floppy than a barbell
KB: rofl
Max: and squishy
KB: I have never SEEN so many people at the dollar store. They were GROCERY SHOPPING. They had SHOPPING CARTS.
Mommy: Wow, there must have been a major sale at the dollar store.
Jesse: "Ninety cents!!! Oh!!! This is such a good deal!"
KB: Ha! "Ninety-NINE cents! OH!! If I buy one hundred things, it will save me a dollar!"
VA: Why don't you just buy ninety-nine things?
KB: *gives her a look* Because that would only save me ninety-nine cents....
VA: So?
KB: So I could save a hundred cents!
VA: *gives me a look* You say that like ninety-nine cents is sooo much less than a dollar.
KB: Exactly! Why would... why would you even say that in the first place?! Why not just buy a hundred things?!
VA: I don't really know....
KB: This conversation is not making ANY SENSE AT ALL.
VA: Yeah....
KB: I AM SO CONFUSED.
VA: Me too. I didn't actually know what y'all were talking about in the first place.
Mommy: I'm sorry you're sick in all the wrong places.
Kyle: why do you insist on per
Kyle: per
Kyle: per
Kyle: crap waht's that word
KB: lol!!
KB: I have NO idea
KB: rofl
Kyle: . the word that means to put off until later
Kyle: procrastinate
Kyle: there we go
KB: HAHA
Kyle: percrastinate
Katie: hahaha Max: lol, spheres are great, you can roll them...
Katie: this sounds promising Isaiah: ;) Katie: who in the world thought of such a thing? Isaiah: don't know, but I want to marry them
Nala: I know heck is confusing...
Jordan: I didn't read that far. Only the first sentence was intended for audiences. Jordan: I weep for your soul. KB: I don't know about saints, but surely a powerful negro will come along shortly who is eager to risk his useless little life for complete strangers. Jordan: Pretty sure you're going to hell for that one. Which is good, cause it means we can hang out.
Nala: I'd rather have you on the red-heads-conquer-all war path.
VA: *singing* I'm a-gonna break out.
KB: Are you?
VA: Any minute now.
VA: *mumbles something unintelligible*
KB: What was that??
VA: I SAID, "I ain't got a motorboat but I can float your boat."
KB: Thank you for that.
VA: Anyway, I'm going. I'll see ya.
KB: .....Goodbye....
VA: I was trying to teach William ghetto language.
KB: Cuz you're so black.
VA: It was the shawty inside of me.
Talking about blueberry bagels while I fix myself dinner
VA: So have you tried them?
KB: I can't EAT bagels! They HURT!
VA: Oh. What are you making?
KB: Bagels.
VA: I TOLD you they played this song on this station!
KB: I didn't say they didn't....
VA: I know.
KB: Ha ha! "I TOLD YOU." "I never said...!!" "I know."
VA: Heh. I got a little excited.
VA: You know, it occurred to me recently that Fergie dresses like those Indians that only wore strings.
KB: .............EXACTLY like that?
VA: Well.... maybe not EXACTLY... with some embellishments... like she uses sequins where they just have little strips of cloth.
VA: This feels so WRONG. Katie Beth, isn't this WEIRD?
KB: *I look at her but can't see anything weird about her washing dishes* Uh... what?
VA: Look! It's so WEIRD!
KB: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
VA: Look! I'm washing them in the RIGHT sink!
KB: Oh. Why?
VA: Cuz we don't have the thing for the other one.
KB: ........It fits in BOTH.....
VA: Well thanks for TELLING me....
Nala: :-D it's amazing
Nala: well, that's not my fault.
KB: What's on the neck of your shirt?
VA: What? No clue. Hey, why am I wearing this shirt? I thought I'd changed.
David: I almost put my towel on the sandwiches.
Daniel: That would be bad for the towel!
Mr. Thorsen: Where's my plate?
Everyone else: It's on the counter by the snowman carcass.
VA: Man, don't you just love that feeling when you roll over in bed and you get all comfortable and you think, "AHHHH. THIS is where I was meant to be."
William: My handth ah told.
KB: Oh, yeah. Would you like me to rub them to warm them up?
William: Oh no.
Playing Silent Football
KB: *pats head*
Jesse: Yes, Mrs. Katie Beth?
KB: Mr. President, Mr. Philip was giggling.
Philip: *pats head urgently*
Jesse: Yes, Mr. Philip?
Philip: *sheepishly* Mr. President, I did not know that giggling was not allowed.
Matthew: Hey, where was that kind of pizza?! I never saw that!
Andrew: I guess you weren't LOOKIN'.
Matthew: I was lookin' TOO hard.
Andrew: If it was a snake it woulda bit ya!
Matthew: If it was a snake it woulda bit me... where would it have bit me?
Andrew: Well it was about... here... so about here....
Matthew: Oh, about mid-torso. Man, those mid-torso bites are the worst.
Andrew: Eight out of eleven mid-torso bites are fatal!
Lizzie: Eight out of eleven? How do you know?
Andrew: ...Roadside sightings....
***
VA: For better or for worse.
KB: Woo.
VA: For better or for worse. Till meth do its part.
Patience: *hanging on Maggie*
Maggie: *trips*
VA: Patience, you need to stop that. You're causing her to stumble.
VA: Man, I'm getting so tired of showering.
Katie: Sam is an enigma to me
and I don't know why
what?!
that's the most amazing quote ever
ROFL
"Sam is an enigma to me, and I don't know why"
LOL
hahahahaha
but I MEAN....
sheesh
QUOTABLES
I CAN'T PUT THAT IN QUOTABLES
SAM MIGHT READ THEM
NO I CANNOT
but I WON--oh
^Heheheh.^
VA: *solemnly* I feel the giggles engulfing me.
VA: You know that song?
KB: ......
VA: The Trisha Yearwood one?
KB: ......
VA: The Walkaway Joke one?
KB: Yeah?................. So?
VA: I forgot about it.
Jack: ARE YOU IN YOUR BOXERS?!?!
Si: I fowgot my pants!
VA: *in the dark of the theater* Look at that little dude who went to see Twilight.
KB: He probably brought females with him.
VA: *disparagingly* He doesn't look like the type to attract women.
KB: ?!?!?!
VA: Of course, all I saw was his glasses.
VA: *still waiting for the movie to start*What happens in New Moon again?
KB: Virginia!!
VA: I forgot! It's when he................?
KB: Uh, Edward LEAVES?
VA: Ohh, so this is gonna be her lying in the woods the whole time. Got it.
Anna: YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T SIGN THE PEACE TREATY!!!
Talking about birds' mating habits:
Dr. Settles: So this guy's floofing out his feathers trying to get her attention, and dancin' around in circles and stuff.
KB: *to Janna* I think all guys should do that....
Janna: Yeah, why can't human guys do that?
KB: Hoppin' around....
Janna: That's gonna be a requirement for the guy I marry.
Kyle: can I have an aligator on a leash
KB: depends on what you want it for
Kyle: do you not trust me with a pet aligator on a leash.
Max: i know i could put a 115 above my head, well atleast a barbell. people are more floppy :)
KB: um, yes, I am definitely more floppy than a barbell
KB: rofl
Max: and squishy
KB: I have never SEEN so many people at the dollar store. They were GROCERY SHOPPING. They had SHOPPING CARTS.
Mommy: Wow, there must have been a major sale at the dollar store.
Jesse: "Ninety cents!!! Oh!!! This is such a good deal!"
KB: Ha! "Ninety-NINE cents! OH!! If I buy one hundred things, it will save me a dollar!"
VA: Why don't you just buy ninety-nine things?
KB: *gives her a look* Because that would only save me ninety-nine cents....
VA: So?
KB: So I could save a hundred cents!
VA: *gives me a look* You say that like ninety-nine cents is sooo much less than a dollar.
KB: Exactly! Why would... why would you even say that in the first place?! Why not just buy a hundred things?!
VA: I don't really know....
KB: This conversation is not making ANY SENSE AT ALL.
VA: Yeah....
KB: I AM SO CONFUSED.
VA: Me too. I didn't actually know what y'all were talking about in the first place.
Mommy: I'm sorry you're sick in all the wrong places.
Kyle: why do you insist on per
Kyle: per
Kyle: per
Kyle: crap waht's that word
KB: lol!!
KB: I have NO idea
KB: rofl
Kyle: . the word that means to put off until later
Kyle: procrastinate
Kyle: there we go
KB: HAHA
Kyle: percrastinate
Max: lets see if u can reach my weight by next november, u only have... 68 more lbs to go!
I would be a sphere ;-)
:p
(provided that they're, you know, a girl. ;)Katie: I'm starting to think I may actually finish this test
it's confusing as heck (heck is very confusing) trying to keep all the x's and y's straight, but really not all that bad and fun once you get the hang of it
I've been through it and back recently
I was very confusedJordan texts me a picture of a page of Elsie Dinsmore, beginning "Elsie alone preserved a cheerful serenity," and going on to describe in great detail how the vehicle hurtled madly down the road and a powerful negro threw himself in front of it for no reason at all, risking life and limb, etc. etc. etc. I text him back.
KB: GASP. A powerful negro, risking life and limb for some po white folk?!?!?! Do go on!!! (not really)
KB: Rofl. The sad thing is I remember that part.
KB: I alone shall preserve a cheerful serenity.
Jordan: Saints preserve us.
KB: Hahaha. Are you going for sending that in the first place?
Jordan: I'm going for laughing at your text.Nala: though, not your cheerful serenity, please
VA: *singing* I'm a-gonna break out.
KB: Are you?
VA: Any minute now.
VA: *mumbles something unintelligible*
KB: What was that??
VA: I SAID, "I ain't got a motorboat but I can float your boat."
KB: Thank you for that.
VA: Anyway, I'm going. I'll see ya.
KB: .....Goodbye....
VA: I was trying to teach William ghetto language.
KB: Cuz you're so black.
VA: It was the shawty inside of me.
Talking about blueberry bagels while I fix myself dinner
VA: So have you tried them?
KB: I can't EAT bagels! They HURT!
VA: Oh. What are you making?
KB: Bagels.
VA: I TOLD you they played this song on this station!
KB: I didn't say they didn't....
VA: I know.
KB: Ha ha! "I TOLD YOU." "I never said...!!" "I know."
VA: Heh. I got a little excited.
VA: You know, it occurred to me recently that Fergie dresses like those Indians that only wore strings.
KB: .............EXACTLY like that?
VA: Well.... maybe not EXACTLY... with some embellishments... like she uses sequins where they just have little strips of cloth.
VA: This feels so WRONG. Katie Beth, isn't this WEIRD?
KB: *I look at her but can't see anything weird about her washing dishes* Uh... what?
VA: Look! It's so WEIRD!
KB: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
VA: Look! I'm washing them in the RIGHT sink!
KB: Oh. Why?
VA: Cuz we don't have the thing for the other one.
KB: ........It fits in BOTH.....
VA: Well thanks for TELLING me....
Katie: btw, VA is dimtarded
I have to keep opening up my quotables page because she's so dimtarded
Katie: I got kind of distracted when my photo album took over your brain!
VA: What? No clue. Hey, why am I wearing this shirt? I thought I'd changed.
David: I almost put my towel on the sandwiches.
Daniel: That would be bad for the towel!
Mr. Thorsen: Where's my plate?
Everyone else: It's on the counter by the snowman carcass.
VA: Man, don't you just love that feeling when you roll over in bed and you get all comfortable and you think, "AHHHH. THIS is where I was meant to be."
William: My handth ah told.
KB: Oh, yeah. Would you like me to rub them to warm them up?
William: Oh no.
Playing Silent Football
KB: *pats head*
Jesse: Yes, Mrs. Katie Beth?
KB: Mr. President, Mr. Philip was giggling.
Philip: *pats head urgently*
Jesse: Yes, Mr. Philip?
Philip: *sheepishly* Mr. President, I did not know that giggling was not allowed.
Matthew: Hey, where was that kind of pizza?! I never saw that!
Andrew: I guess you weren't LOOKIN'.
Matthew: I was lookin' TOO hard.
Andrew: If it was a snake it woulda bit ya!
Matthew: If it was a snake it woulda bit me... where would it have bit me?
Andrew: Well it was about... here... so about here....
Matthew: Oh, about mid-torso. Man, those mid-torso bites are the worst.
Andrew: Eight out of eleven mid-torso bites are fatal!
Lizzie: Eight out of eleven? How do you know?
Andrew: ...Roadside sightings....
Thursday, December 3, 2009
My cell phone has a sense of humor
I texted the wrong person. I texted Drew what I meant to text Hana and then had to retext Drew to correct it.
As I was replying to Drew's text in which she said that she was just about to ask what I was smoking, I realized that my phone had two options for the word I was trying to type.
One of them was "weedcab."
I have nothing more to say.
As I was replying to Drew's text in which she said that she was just about to ask what I was smoking, I realized that my phone had two options for the word I was trying to type.
One of them was "weedcab."
I have nothing more to say.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Don't Limit Me, Desk Ladies
Today I had a four-hour calculus class.
It wasn't really a four-hour calculus class, but after our one-hour calculus class, a couple people from the class and I went to the library to study since we have a test in a couple days. We studied by ourselves for an hour and a half, then the teacher came to help us study for the next hour and a half. The other two people may have stayed longer, but I didn't, so I don't know.
I call them "the two people." I don't know how to spell the girl's name, and I don't know the guy's name. I can't ask him now, because we've been studying together and I still don't know his name, so it's long past the grace period of, "I'm sorry, what's your name again?" That grace period is something like the first two or three weeks of the semester. The semester is now almost over so I figure I'll just never know his name.
I assume The Two People don't read this blog. If they do, I guess I'm in trouble. Hello, Two People. My apologies.
I also ate a bologna burger. It was from the campus "snack bar," which apparently sells more than "snacks." The fact that I 1). Ate food from the snack bar, and 2). Ate a bologna burger at all are momentous events in my life. Events that I would like to forget.
The bologna burger was a gift from The Female Half of The Two People, who likes bologna burgers. In a way I'm glad I ate it because I'd always wondered what one was, and I guess also because it saved me from definite starvation. But now I know what it is, and my dislike of mayonnaise is intensified.
Moving past the bologna burger, hopefully forever, I will now talk about what I came to talk about: the library.
I firmly believe that the Vance-Granville Community College library, or the Learning Resource Center (LRC to you) is bigger than either the Franklinton library or the Louisburg library, which is pretty sad. That does not, by the way, mean that the LRC is big.
I wish they would just call it "the library." The title "Learning Resource Center" is entirely too long and vast for VGCC, and makes me want to have a headache.
There are a lot of signs in the LRC. "No eating, drinking, or smoking in the LRC." "Turn your cell phones OFF." "You must sign up to use the computers." Etc. etc. I don't really mind those, except the drinking part, because I like to have my beer where it's quiet and the LRC is the quietest place on campus.
Just kidding. There are other quiet places on campus.
Anyway, the signs I dislike the most are the ones that say, "No sleeping in this area."
The LRC is full of padded chairs.
The LRC even has a sofa area for comfy reading.
And we are in college.
College students are exhausted all the time. It's one of those qualifications for being in college. We're tired because we stay up late, working feverishly, so when we open a book during the day we immediately fall asleep. Because we fall asleep over our books, we don't get much done during the day, so we have to stay up late, working feverishly. Then we get sick. That makes us tired. It's a vicious cycle, I know, but heaven forbid that I should be the one to break the mold and get my work done early and not have to stay up late, working feverishly.
So why on earth the LRC should have signs saying, "No sleeping in this area," I can't fathom. That's exactly what everyone wants to do when they see those comfy chairs. And the signs are everywhere. They're over the individual study area (quite possibly the worst place to nap anyway); they're over the quiet reading area (the best place to nap); I think they're even over the group study area (what?).
The LRC and its signs causes me a lot of angst.
Someday I just want to take a nap and see what the desk ladies say. My group always studies in the "Individual Study Area" and not once have they said anything. Maybe I'll nap in stages. First I'll doze while I'm reading in the comfy chairs. The next day I'll study at the tables, but with my head down on my paper. The day after that I'll just sleep there. Then I'll climb up on the table to sleep. Then I'll bring a pillow and a blanket. Then I'll get on the desk.
Really, there's no end to what I could do. At least until the desk ladies kick me out.
It wasn't really a four-hour calculus class, but after our one-hour calculus class, a couple people from the class and I went to the library to study since we have a test in a couple days. We studied by ourselves for an hour and a half, then the teacher came to help us study for the next hour and a half. The other two people may have stayed longer, but I didn't, so I don't know.
I call them "the two people." I don't know how to spell the girl's name, and I don't know the guy's name. I can't ask him now, because we've been studying together and I still don't know his name, so it's long past the grace period of, "I'm sorry, what's your name again?" That grace period is something like the first two or three weeks of the semester. The semester is now almost over so I figure I'll just never know his name.
I assume The Two People don't read this blog. If they do, I guess I'm in trouble. Hello, Two People. My apologies.
I also ate a bologna burger. It was from the campus "snack bar," which apparently sells more than "snacks." The fact that I 1). Ate food from the snack bar, and 2). Ate a bologna burger at all are momentous events in my life. Events that I would like to forget.
The bologna burger was a gift from The Female Half of The Two People, who likes bologna burgers. In a way I'm glad I ate it because I'd always wondered what one was, and I guess also because it saved me from definite starvation. But now I know what it is, and my dislike of mayonnaise is intensified.
Moving past the bologna burger, hopefully forever, I will now talk about what I came to talk about: the library.
I firmly believe that the Vance-Granville Community College library, or the Learning Resource Center (LRC to you) is bigger than either the Franklinton library or the Louisburg library, which is pretty sad. That does not, by the way, mean that the LRC is big.
I wish they would just call it "the library." The title "Learning Resource Center" is entirely too long and vast for VGCC, and makes me want to have a headache.
There are a lot of signs in the LRC. "No eating, drinking, or smoking in the LRC." "Turn your cell phones OFF." "You must sign up to use the computers." Etc. etc. I don't really mind those, except the drinking part, because I like to have my beer where it's quiet and the LRC is the quietest place on campus.
Just kidding. There are other quiet places on campus.
Anyway, the signs I dislike the most are the ones that say, "No sleeping in this area."
The LRC is full of padded chairs.
The LRC even has a sofa area for comfy reading.
And we are in college.
College students are exhausted all the time. It's one of those qualifications for being in college. We're tired because we stay up late, working feverishly, so when we open a book during the day we immediately fall asleep. Because we fall asleep over our books, we don't get much done during the day, so we have to stay up late, working feverishly. Then we get sick. That makes us tired. It's a vicious cycle, I know, but heaven forbid that I should be the one to break the mold and get my work done early and not have to stay up late, working feverishly.
So why on earth the LRC should have signs saying, "No sleeping in this area," I can't fathom. That's exactly what everyone wants to do when they see those comfy chairs. And the signs are everywhere. They're over the individual study area (quite possibly the worst place to nap anyway); they're over the quiet reading area (the best place to nap); I think they're even over the group study area (what?).
The LRC and its signs causes me a lot of angst.
Someday I just want to take a nap and see what the desk ladies say. My group always studies in the "Individual Study Area" and not once have they said anything. Maybe I'll nap in stages. First I'll doze while I'm reading in the comfy chairs. The next day I'll study at the tables, but with my head down on my paper. The day after that I'll just sleep there. Then I'll climb up on the table to sleep. Then I'll bring a pillow and a blanket. Then I'll get on the desk.
Really, there's no end to what I could do. At least until the desk ladies kick me out.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
"It's a little bit smeared because I sat on it in the car and not because I printed it out recently."
If you can name that movie you'll know what it has to do with this post.
I was going to go to bed, but where's the fun in that? Besides, I forgot to put sheets on my bed.
Virginia and I got our hairs cut a couple weeks ago, but apparently we both forgot to have our bangs trimmed. I personally was thinking I'd go for a long no-bang look, totally forgetting that I hate that look and that the half-bangs, half-not-bangs drive me crazy. I don't know what Virginia was thinking.
We talked about it, though, and were left dissatisfied. Our bangs must be fixed, but we weren't about to go pay $15 just to have them trimmed.
So.
I watched a video. (This video, if you must know.) I pretty much figured that watching that one video qualified me for any side-swept-bang-cutting needs ever. So I went to find Virginia.
"Hey. Want me to cut your bangs?" (*gleeful hand-clasping*)
"What?! No!!" (*horror*)
"But I watched a video on YouTube."
"Ok."
I grabbed her before she could change her mind (the whole time thinking, "Really? It was that easy?"), and I cut her bangs.
About halfway through the process she said, "You watched a video? And I let you do this?!"
She did specify that if I messed up I had to pay to get them fixed....
But y'know what? It went well. So then I cut my own bangs, which also went well.
C'mon. Like I was gonna cut my own hair without practicing on someone else first.
Anyway, I'm quite pleased. And I still have my $30 (to get both of our heads fixed...), so I'm even more pleased.
There are my bangs, in all their midnightness. (In other words, ignore my face. Midnight is not its thing. And yet it is... it is so its thing....) Also at an ISO that would be completely unnecessary were I not sitting in the dark.
You should definitely try this if your bangs are long but you don't need anything else cut. It's super fun chopping your own hair to pieces anyway.
Now that's enough stalling. I go forth to conquer. Or at least to put sheets on my bed. Goodnight, my precious weirdos.
You have to be a weirdo to read this blog.
I was going to go to bed, but where's the fun in that? Besides, I forgot to put sheets on my bed.
Virginia and I got our hairs cut a couple weeks ago, but apparently we both forgot to have our bangs trimmed. I personally was thinking I'd go for a long no-bang look, totally forgetting that I hate that look and that the half-bangs, half-not-bangs drive me crazy. I don't know what Virginia was thinking.
We talked about it, though, and were left dissatisfied. Our bangs must be fixed, but we weren't about to go pay $15 just to have them trimmed.
So.
I watched a video. (This video, if you must know.) I pretty much figured that watching that one video qualified me for any side-swept-bang-cutting needs ever. So I went to find Virginia.
"Hey. Want me to cut your bangs?" (*gleeful hand-clasping*)
"What?! No!!" (*horror*)
"But I watched a video on YouTube."
"Ok."
I grabbed her before she could change her mind (the whole time thinking, "Really? It was that easy?"), and I cut her bangs.
About halfway through the process she said, "You watched a video? And I let you do this?!"
She did specify that if I messed up I had to pay to get them fixed....
But y'know what? It went well. So then I cut my own bangs, which also went well.
C'mon. Like I was gonna cut my own hair without practicing on someone else first.
Anyway, I'm quite pleased. And I still have my $30 (to get both of our heads fixed...), so I'm even more pleased.
There are my bangs, in all their midnightness. (In other words, ignore my face. Midnight is not its thing. And yet it is... it is so its thing....) Also at an ISO that would be completely unnecessary were I not sitting in the dark.
You should definitely try this if your bangs are long but you don't need anything else cut. It's super fun chopping your own hair to pieces anyway.
Now that's enough stalling. I go forth to conquer. Or at least to put sheets on my bed. Goodnight, my precious weirdos.
You have to be a weirdo to read this blog.
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