So you get quotables! Enjoy.
(In other news, I need to swing dance.)
***
Stephen: *staring at something on the counter*
Genise: That is a strawberry bagel.
Stephen: Oh. It looks like someone died in the batter.
Stephen: UUUUNNNNNHHHHHHH. And again I say UUUUNNNNNNNNHHHHHHH.
Lizzie: my across the hall-mate decided that I was my roommate's imaginary friend
Lizzie: we should have a reunion
all groover friends
that would be nuts
KB: I agree
I think that would be fantastic
except we would have to have it, like... everywhere in the world
cuz that's the only place that would fit us all
everywhere
Lizzie: hahaha
wow
i think we could fit in russia
its big
KB: we probably could fit in russia
and they don't really have anything to do with anyway
all the ruskies
so we could kick 'em out temporarily
and use their space
and their furry hats
Lizzie: haha, good luck
KB: we'd ned thsoe too
need*/those*
Lizzie: yeah, they have plenty of furry hats
KB: definitely
an abundance, I'd say
Lizzie: probably a plethora
Lizzie: I miss small lisping redheads saying funny, funny things
KB: hahaha
Lizzie: and also you and va and jesse
but also small lisping redheads
KB: yeah, the small lisping redheads pretty much take the cake
Lizzie: yeah, and I don't even like cake that much
they can have it anytime
KB: same here
Lizzie: ice cream is more better
KB: I like brownies
Lizzie: as long as they are made of ice cream
:)
i like brownies too
Mr. Turner: *sudden coughing fit* *surprised voice* I swallowed my gum.
KB: Hi.
Patience: Hey babeh.
Daddy: Hey, we're havin' a party!
KB: I DON'T THINK I CAN COME.
Daddy: We're gonna have a party!
KB: I GUESS IT COULD BE FUN..... Are we really having a party?
Anna: It's Ginger Ale. That's pretty much, like, all of the party.
Anna: Katie Beth, do your snazzy Y friends love you?
KB: Um... yeeees?
Anna: Do they love you like a cool summer wind?
KB: .........
Patience: I know they don't.
Anna: I know they do.
KB: read a boring history book or something and you'll be sleepy
Kyle: lol
Kyle: read chinese historu
Kyle: :-/
KB: you could read my nutrition book
Kyle: no :-/
KB: that would probably bore you to death
Kyle: the internet is pretty boring
KB: haha
Kyle: I am going to write a song
Kyle: "The internet is boring tonight"
KB: hahaha
KB: tell me how it turns out
Kyle: it won't
Rebecca: I have a quotable and I demand you put it on youw blog.
About a kid in art class talking about how peacocks are beautiful:
Patience: But little kidth can't even thay beautiful!
Anna: WHERE did you get that Chik-Fil-A cup?
KB: .............
Sarah: Laken! You're supposed to be treading water! Why are you floating on your back?!
Laken: I'm not floating! I'm treading water with my ears.
Jesse: *at 8:30 pm* Good morning.
KB: .....Not yet!
Jesse: I was born before my time.
VA: I've never had pancakes like the ones at the Biblical Student Worldview Conference.
KB: ....They were bad, right?
VA: Yeah, they were like, *makes unbending motions with hands*. They were like rubber. You could have made tires out of them.
KB: *only sort of listening* Mmhm.
VA: They were like a snack for the road.
KB: *looks at her*
VA: *smug, expectant look*
KB: You just wanted to say that, didn't you.
VA: *starts to giggle* Yeah. I thought of it earlier and I've been waiting to say it. Hee hee hee!
Patience: *runs by completely naked* Bloooooming tiiiiiiiger!
KB: *takes out finished peacock drawing* Hello, peacockian.
VA: He's hott.
Mommy: *praying* And I pray that You'll help Jesse and Alec to be themselves but still make a good impression.
Talking about plant adaption in Biology:
Dr. Settles: And you know how it is when your neighbor's all pushin' against you and annoying you and crowding you out and not letting you get any food. What do you do when your neighbor's all in your space? You turn around and you eat your neighbor.
CRASH
Anna: Nothing broke!
Ashley: Yes, Pirates are winning!
KB: Sweet. Who are they playing?
Ashley: UCF.... wherever that is.
KB: University of... Central... Florida?
Ashley: Is that what it is?
KB: I dunno, I made that up.
Ashley: Oh. University of... Califffffornia?
KB and Ashley: Nooo.......
KB: University of... Colorado at... Finland?
Ashley: University of College Flappers?
KB: They play football?
Ashley: That's why we're winning.
VA: You look like you need to be kissed.
Patience: Well I don't. I jutht look like it.
Anna: A pound cake: WEIGHS a pound, and you POUND it with your hands!
KB: Incorrect.
Anna: What?! I thought I looked it up in the Great Dictionary of Anna's Mind!
Patience: I get thick a lot.
KB: You do not.
Patience: I do! I remember at leatht TWO TIMETH when I got a FEVER.
KB: Patience... you're six years old... that's not--
Patience: Onthe I got thick from playing marbleth.
William: I dot dat boom boom pow.
Daddy: Hey, wanna squeeze a workout in?
KB: .................Right NOW??
Daddy: Yeah!
KB: But then we'd be all gross and sweaty!
Daddy: We'd have time to shower!
KB: IN THE DAY???
Daddy: ...........................Yeesss?
KB: No one showers IN THE DAY! It's WRONG!
Daddy: Okaaaayyyy....
A few minutes later:
Daddy: I just asked Jesse. He said, "*makes disturbed eyes* Wouldn't we have to shower?"
William: I haven't not too!
Watching bobcat videos:
Daddy: Who thinks up these tricks?
Anna: Benjamin Franklin.
Patience: *COUGHHACKWHEEZECOUGHCOUGH*
KB: How are you feeling, Patience?
Patience: *COUGHHACKCOUGHCOUGH* Good.
William: *stands on the base of the basketball hoop* Dith ah my hoppletopple.
KB: .......A hoppletopple?
William: No! A hoppletopple!
KB: ...........A hoppertopper?
William: NO! Dith ah my hoppletopple!
KB: .................*bright assenting voice* Oh! ............Cool! *really has no idea*
After William leaves:
KB: Daddy, do you know what a "hoppletopple" is?
Daddy: Uh... no.... What is it?
KB: I don't know. William said the base of the basketball hoop was one. Maybe I'll ask Anna later. I bet she'll know.
Later:
KB: Anna, do y'all call the base of the basketball hoop a funny name?
Anna: Nooooo..... why?
KB: William said it was a.... "hoppletopple," or something like that.
Anna: Oh! *like it's obvious* That's a helicopter!
KB: Ah. I thought you'd know.
Answering the phone:
Anna: Goodnight, I mean goodbye, I mean hello?
Answering the phone again:
Anna: Hello? ..........Nooooo, Mr. Allen does not live here... OOOHHHHH, sorry!! *nervous hopping*
Us: *DIE*
Anna: *after she hangs up* That WAS Mr. Allen.
William: Yook Mommy, I a women!
Mommy: Nooo.... you're a little boy.
William: No! I a women!
Mommy: You're not a woman, William.
William: NO! I A WOMEN!
Mommy: William, you're not--
Rebecca: Mommy, he's saying he's SWIMMING.
Mommy: Girls, did you see how William obeyed me just then?
Anna: Nope!
Mommy: I told him not to play with that and he said, "Okay," and put it down. That's how y'all need to obey.
KB: Even though he completely ignored me when I told him....
Mommy: Well that is true....
Anna: Ok Mommy! That's how I'll obey. I'll completely ignore Katie Beth and--
KB: Hey! Mommy, no!!
Anna: Mommy, I am SO AWESOME. I mean, I am SO GOOD at figuring stuff out!
KB: And you're so egotistical!
Anna: Yeah! I'm egertistical!
KB: I don't think you know what "egotistical" means.
Anna: What does it mean?
KB: It means you're proud.
Anna: *horrified, sheepish face* OH. I thought it meant I was eager!
William: *giggling* Nooo! Don't tickle my yittle feet!
Us: HA HA! *tickle him some more*
William: Don't tickle my yittle tummy!!
Patrick: I won't be able to tell if it's thundering because that woman's kicking is so... thunderous.
Genise is so involved in ignoring Drew on Skype that she isn't paying attention:
KB: You're watching golf.
Genise: Oh! *changes the channel*
With Drew on Skype on Genise's computer and GTalk on KB's computer:
Genise: Wow, it's like Drew in surround sound.
Anna: Katie Beth, did you see the Mexican band at Wal-Mart???
KB: No, I wasn't there then.
Anna: It was so cool! They were dressed all the same, and they were singing in Spanish or Russian or something!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
One person can only handle so much - Part 2
I was sitting here eating pizza and I thought, "Hey, what better way to gross myself out than to post the second half of that blog post!"
So here I am.
I spoke of cake on cake before. Some of you (ok, one of you) told me that cake on cake didn't sound that bad, and definitely gave me to believe that it was something you (ok, he) would willfully ingest.
Well you're wrong. WRONG, I tell you. Cake on cake is a glorified Oreo, and if I wanted an Oreo I would have gotten an Oreo. It isn't like we don't have giant Costco boxes of Oreos around here. In fact, I had some today.
But I digress.
The second part of this mad journey of Absolutely Wrong burst upon me one day when I looked in the fridge ("It's not the 'fridge,' Patience told me later, "It's the fridgerator."). I don't remember what I was looking for, but it didn't matter. I only saw one thing anyway.
And I was disgusted.
I was repulsed.
I was angry.
I was repulsed.
Did I mention I was repulsed?
You know that I would never do this to you, but please. Allow me to rant. Just this once.
Advertising is a wonderful thing. Without it we would never get anywhere. It makes things known. It gets things accomplished. It's big, bad, colorful.
And ok, it plays with peoples' minds and makes them want things they don't need, and that totally appeals to the dictator in me.
But that's not what's going on here. Food advertising is supposed to make that particular food that you already need desirable. It's supposed to make you want this particular brand over that particular brand.
This box doesn't do that. It makes me want to puke. And that is bad for business.
Ok, get to the point, you say. Ok, I will.
I opened the fridge that day, and I saw... this.
Really, Katie Beth? you say. You got that worked up over butter?
Yes, really. You haven't seen the side of the box yet. Hold your ponies.
BUTTER CURLS.
BUTTER CURLS?
I'm telling you, no one eats butter curls.
Decorative curly garnishes should be things that you would ever, possibly, remotely want to eat by themselves. Nobody but cats and toddlers eats butter by itself, and if you say you do, I'll sock ya.
I understand chocolate curls. I would eat those. I understand the little curly carrot shaving things. I would eat those too. But I would never, never, NEVER eat a curled piece of butter, and seeing it on top of something would make me want to never eat anything else again, either.
Putting it on food or something is bad enough, but to put it on a BOX....
I need to meet the people who are designing these packages. I have some things to say.
Butter. Is. Not. Decoration. Butter churns, fine. They're homey and Laura Ingalls used them. Legit. Cows, great. They're farmey. Laura Ingalls used them too. But actual butter, in shapes that no one in their right mind would ever consider consuming, is disgusting. Every time I see the box it makes me want to put it back and make something that doesn't use butter.
At a niggling suspicion, I googled "butter curls" and found that people do indeed eat these little monsters. Which I guess just confirms my fear that the world is full of hopeless, messed up people. People with really high cholesterol.
The mother says that the people who partnered with the people designing these things are going to see these blogs and say, "I TOLD HIM that was a bad idea!"
If that's you, please call me. Please? I want to dissect your brain.
So here I am.
I spoke of cake on cake before. Some of you (ok, one of you) told me that cake on cake didn't sound that bad, and definitely gave me to believe that it was something you (ok, he) would willfully ingest.
Well you're wrong. WRONG, I tell you. Cake on cake is a glorified Oreo, and if I wanted an Oreo I would have gotten an Oreo. It isn't like we don't have giant Costco boxes of Oreos around here. In fact, I had some today.
But I digress.
The second part of this mad journey of Absolutely Wrong burst upon me one day when I looked in the fridge ("It's not the 'fridge,' Patience told me later, "It's the fridgerator."). I don't remember what I was looking for, but it didn't matter. I only saw one thing anyway.
And I was disgusted.
I was repulsed.
I was angry.
I was repulsed.
Did I mention I was repulsed?
You know that I would never do this to you, but please. Allow me to rant. Just this once.
Advertising is a wonderful thing. Without it we would never get anywhere. It makes things known. It gets things accomplished. It's big, bad, colorful.
And ok, it plays with peoples' minds and makes them want things they don't need, and that totally appeals to the dictator in me.
But that's not what's going on here. Food advertising is supposed to make that particular food that you already need desirable. It's supposed to make you want this particular brand over that particular brand.
This box doesn't do that. It makes me want to puke. And that is bad for business.
Ok, get to the point, you say. Ok, I will.
I opened the fridge that day, and I saw... this.
Really, Katie Beth? you say. You got that worked up over butter?
Yes, really. You haven't seen the side of the box yet. Hold your ponies.
BUTTER CURLS.
BUTTER CURLS?
I'm telling you, no one eats butter curls.
Decorative curly garnishes should be things that you would ever, possibly, remotely want to eat by themselves. Nobody but cats and toddlers eats butter by itself, and if you say you do, I'll sock ya.
I understand chocolate curls. I would eat those. I understand the little curly carrot shaving things. I would eat those too. But I would never, never, NEVER eat a curled piece of butter, and seeing it on top of something would make me want to never eat anything else again, either.
Putting it on food or something is bad enough, but to put it on a BOX....
I need to meet the people who are designing these packages. I have some things to say.
Butter. Is. Not. Decoration. Butter churns, fine. They're homey and Laura Ingalls used them. Legit. Cows, great. They're farmey. Laura Ingalls used them too. But actual butter, in shapes that no one in their right mind would ever consider consuming, is disgusting. Every time I see the box it makes me want to put it back and make something that doesn't use butter.
At a niggling suspicion, I googled "butter curls" and found that people do indeed eat these little monsters. Which I guess just confirms my fear that the world is full of hopeless, messed up people. People with really high cholesterol.
The mother says that the people who partnered with the people designing these things are going to see these blogs and say, "I TOLD HIM that was a bad idea!"
If that's you, please call me. Please? I want to dissect your brain.
Friday, September 25, 2009
One person can only handle so much - Part 1
Virginia has a recipe book, which I foolishly recommended to her one fateful day while browsing the B&N sale page. I don't know why I did it. I know she loves to make desserts. I know these desserts are bad for us. I know she takes it over the top. And yet I said, "Hey, there's this dessert book on sale. Do you want me to order it?" And she said, "Sure!"
So I did. She makes something out of it about three times a week, and spends the rest of the week drooling over it.
I admit that someone else who happens to have red hair spends a lot of time drooling over a particular Black Forest Cake on p. 312 (mm, cherry brandy). But that's beside the point.
Really, I don't have a huge problem with the contents of the book. I mean, if Virginia wants to indulge her overpowering passion for sweets, I guess she can have at it. I just don't eat too much of it because I don't need that much sugar.
I do, however, have a problem with the cover.
This...
This is what offends my most delicate sensibilities. What IS this? Why is there a piece of cake on top of this piece of cake?
I read this book for weeks with a niggling feeling that something was terribly wrong. When I finally noticed what it was, I was horrified. I gaped in wonder. I asked myself why someone would think that was a good way to photograph food. I still ask myself that.
No one eats this way. This rankles. This rankles deeply.
For a while I thought I was the only one who felt this way, so I kept quiet (Uncharacteristic of me, you say. Yes, I know.). I kept quiet until one day... one day when I was at the end of my rope, when I was about to let forth all the strength of my indignation... when Virginia said, "You know, this picture drives me crazy. It's bugged me ever since I got it. WHY is there cake on the cake?!"
It was such a relief. We let forth our indignation together, and the strength of it was as of the ocean in its anger, if the ocean did get angry about things like cookbooks and bad photos.
Put a cherry on top, or something. Anything. Drizzle some chocolate syrup over it. Slice a strawberry and stick it up there. Anything but cake. Cake is not a garnish for cake. Cake is not a garnish for anything. The person is not right who thinks his cake is incomplete without more cake on top. And the person who photographs it for the cover of a book is even less okay.
I thought I would never see the thing that surpassed this monstrosity, but I was mistaken. Yes, as horrible and mind-blowing as cake-topped-cake as a cover for a cookbook, there is something even worse.
Readers, brace yourselves, for what comes next is so mind-blowing, so utterly disgusting, so blatantly against all that is good advertising, that you may not believe your eyes.
(To be continued...)
So I did. She makes something out of it about three times a week, and spends the rest of the week drooling over it.
I admit that someone else who happens to have red hair spends a lot of time drooling over a particular Black Forest Cake on p. 312 (mm, cherry brandy). But that's beside the point.
Really, I don't have a huge problem with the contents of the book. I mean, if Virginia wants to indulge her overpowering passion for sweets, I guess she can have at it. I just don't eat too much of it because I don't need that much sugar.
I do, however, have a problem with the cover.
This...
This is what offends my most delicate sensibilities. What IS this? Why is there a piece of cake on top of this piece of cake?
I read this book for weeks with a niggling feeling that something was terribly wrong. When I finally noticed what it was, I was horrified. I gaped in wonder. I asked myself why someone would think that was a good way to photograph food. I still ask myself that.
No one eats this way. This rankles. This rankles deeply.
For a while I thought I was the only one who felt this way, so I kept quiet (Uncharacteristic of me, you say. Yes, I know.). I kept quiet until one day... one day when I was at the end of my rope, when I was about to let forth all the strength of my indignation... when Virginia said, "You know, this picture drives me crazy. It's bugged me ever since I got it. WHY is there cake on the cake?!"
It was such a relief. We let forth our indignation together, and the strength of it was as of the ocean in its anger, if the ocean did get angry about things like cookbooks and bad photos.
Put a cherry on top, or something. Anything. Drizzle some chocolate syrup over it. Slice a strawberry and stick it up there. Anything but cake. Cake is not a garnish for cake. Cake is not a garnish for anything. The person is not right who thinks his cake is incomplete without more cake on top. And the person who photographs it for the cover of a book is even less okay.
I thought I would never see the thing that surpassed this monstrosity, but I was mistaken. Yes, as horrible and mind-blowing as cake-topped-cake as a cover for a cookbook, there is something even worse.
Readers, brace yourselves, for what comes next is so mind-blowing, so utterly disgusting, so blatantly against all that is good advertising, that you may not believe your eyes.
(To be continued...)
Friday, September 11, 2009
Quotables!
Kyle: What if it was your destiny to flip burgers @ mcdonalds?
KB: I night die. Why do you ask?
Kyle: Cause i'm deep thinking today...y'know when ppl say profound things and go down in history. That's me.
VA: Last night my dreams were like cardboard.
Anna: HAVE FUN IN THE PIT OF DARKNESS!
Patience: Did you know... that your thithter doeth not live with you anymore? And I am your thithter?
Drew: How many questions do you ask?
Patience: Hundredth.
Patience: Athk me what I wath doing.
Drew: What were you doing?
Patience: I wath wearing thretchy pantth in my room.
Dan: O lifeguard! I can stand now! Perhaps I could help you?
Patience: *about William* He took hith shirt and pantth off, tho I got hith hat....
KB: So he wouldn't be naked?
Patience: Yeah.
Sarah: *as Genise and KB argue about something in the front seat* I should have ridden with Mom.
Comparing muscle definition at work:
Sarah: Look, I've got definition! I've got triceps! Sort of... see?!
Cam: *rubs his belly* Girls, I've got a whole dictionary right here. It's got all the definitions you could ever want!
Sarah: Guys, I saw a dead body yesterday.
JC: *horrified gasp* ALIVE???
After the swim lesson kids jump in the water:
Becca: How do y'all feel now?
Kid: Wefweshed!!
Anna: *looking at my book* Gaudy Night? So it's like, they're going into the night, and, hey look! A big truck is coming down the Givens' driveway!
Dan: Ha-ta-ta, my friend!
Chris: That was my angry walk, but you couldn't tell because I was in the water.
KB: *pulls VA's ponytail*
VA: You rang?
Driving by a field with field hands in it:
Anna: What?! I thought all the slaves were set free!
Eric: What?! You've never had a Beach Sheep?!
Patience: Did you know that Jeb putth hith tail up in the thummer and down in the winter?
VA: No, I never noticed that!
Patience: .................I wish I had a tail.
Robbie: I'm gonna take a shower tonight. It's gonna be So. Much. Fun.
Eric: I would like a houseduck.
KB: A houseduck? And where would you keep this duck?
Eric: *gives KB the eye*
KB: Yes, obviously in the house, but where specificially?
Eric: .......................................In the.... jungle.......
Anna: MOMMY!!! William's throwing DVDs at us!
Talking about [hypothetical] online dating:
Kyle: That works until you find out the girl you're talking to is actually a guy. Then it becomes awkward.
Kimberly: When I was younger I thought "ghost" was a really bad word... And I was THRILLED when we sang it in the Doxology.
Kid at the pool: Guess what we wewe doin' while evewyone else was swimmin'.
KB: What were you doing?
Kid: We wewe swimmin' in the play pawt. But then we had to come out and eat.
KB: What did you eat?
Kid: Oh, just all the snacks we bwought.
KB: Oh yeah? What snacks did you bring?
Kid: Oooohhhh, pwetzels, and cheese sticks, and an apple fow my bwothew Alex. *confidentially* He's on a little diet.
KB: Who's the one in the green swim suit?
Kid: Call it a bathing soup.
Kid: Dat's my bwothew Nicholas. He's biggew dan me even though he's fouw and I'm five. *thinks* And how old would you be............ wight now?
KB: *dies* I would be twenty-one right now.
Kid: *confidentially* My mom is in hew THIWTIES!
KB: And what's your name?
Kid: *happy/embarrassed squiggle* Zachawyyyyyyy.....................
Alec: Hey, Mrs. Groover, would it be ok if, after we finish shooting, I wash your dog?
She said this lisping, but it wouldn't get the whole point across:
Patience: Hi sin!
KB: What?!
Patience: *tone of great condemnation* A SIN!!!
After passing a squished frog on the driveway:
Anna: It seems like a lot more frogs are getting stupid.
KB: Joy said there was a tornado in her town and it ate Wal-Mart.
Mommy: It's the judgment of God.
KB: *bewildered pause* On WAL-MART?
Mommy: Yep.
Jesse: Come on, William! Let's sit here and... observe the ladies.
William: A-you a-leh me poke yeewww!
William: A-you a-give me my thword! Thwordie.
Patience: *comes up while I'm reading Physics* Here ith dirt, and water, and the thtraw. *hands me invisible items*
KB: *absentmindedly pretends to slurp it up* Oh, tasty. *goes back to reading*
Patience: *says something but isn't heard because I'm studying*
KB: *realizes she's talking* Sorry, what?
Patience: You were THUPPOTHED to make a BRICK. You ATE the BRICK.
Before a "show":
Patience: I want to announthe thomething!
Us: Yes?
Patience: There will be NO food or drinkth. Or hamburgerth.
Rebecca: Mommy, Anna called me stupid!
Mommy: Anna, you know better than that.
Anna: Well I wanted to throw something hard at her but I knew I wouldn't get away with it!
VA: Hey guess what. I did a chin-up! *as KB laughs* Well, sort of.
Patience: My omelet will be WONDERFUL!
Five minutes later:
Patience: *crying* BUT MOMMY! I CAN'T CUT IT! I HAVE TO UTHE MY WHOLE THTRENGTH TO CUT IT AND I DON'T WANT TO UTHE MY WHOLE THRENGTH TO CUT IT! I HAVE TO UTHE MY WHOLE THTRENGTH AND I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!
KB: Patience, you have no pants on.
Patience: I know.
KB: Why do you have no pants on?
Patience: Well, I had them on, but I took them off becauthe when I bent my knee I felt like I wath going to get a rash and it hurt really bad.
Anna: You know the best thing about people?
KB: What?
Anna: They can READ. And reading means whoa! A happy life!
Anna: *playing cards* Life cannot get better than this! Or CAN it?
KB: Are you going to look at any OTHER schools?
Jesse: I should... what would you recommend?
KB: I ALREADY recommended State. And State has a swing club!
Jesse: I'm sure Grove City has a bunch of swing clubs.
KB: YEAH, but if you went to State, you could take ME.
Jesse: That would take away all the appeal of going to State.
Kyle: but so what? I'm still a rockstar
KB: got your rock moves?
Kyle: yes, somewhere
Kyle: I thnk they're in my other jeans
Kyle: I knew someone who moved to wyoming
Kyle: so it exists I believe
Kyle: if you go to the beach of NC
Kyle: look out to sea (east ofc)
Kyle: you'll see bermuda
Kyle: weather permitting of course
KB: gotcha
KB: yes
KB: lol
Kyle: the weather has never permitted me to see if :-/
KB: Patience, STOP. That is not necessary.
Patience: YOU'RE not nethethary.
KB: Your face isn't necessary.
Patience: Your mom ithn't nethethary.
Kyle: Wanna fight?
Driving by a guy in a car:
VA: Is that guy smoking a cigar?
KB: Where?
VA: There... oh, he has his hand down now... we'll have to wait for him to hold it up again.
KB: Oh, I thought he was gonna just then....
VA: Yeah... close, but no cigar.
Anna: William, say, "The WICKED and the goooooooooooood!"
William: A weecked an' a dude!
William: *runs around in his diaper* Ah I indethent, wight?
In calculus class:
Josh: So why was that same kind of problem so much harder yesterday?
Mr. Turner: Well, that's mostly because I can't do arithmetic.
John: Is your life fulfilled?
KB: Is my life what?
John: Fulfilled.
KB: I..... don't even.... I.... I don't even know how to answer that. Is it fulfilled in WHAT? You didn't give it an object to fulfill.
John: ..............I'm going to take that as a yes. I'm going to take that as a yes so I don't have to question you anymore.
VA: *furrowing brows*
KB: YOU... look confused.
VA: ...........I think I am confused.
John: I think I am too.
Daddy: Hey. *smacks me with the fly-swatter*
Kyle: dude
Kyle: I was planning to go to the mall this weekend
Kyle: to get a hat
Kyle: because I am coveting a hat
KB: hahaha
Kyle: and I'm coveting the whole mall
Daddy: Do you think the Scott's Toilet Tissue overwrap would be good to wrap things in?
KB: Uh, no? What are you wrapping?
Daddy: Well I haven't YET....
Kyle: Speaking of tired
Kyle: that is a description of myself
Kyle: so I'm going to leave
Kyle: and take 45 winks
KB: alrighty
KB: dont' take 'em all, I need a few
Kyle: 5 more than the average person normally winks
KB: Children! Stop!
William: Cheewun! Top!
KB: I night die. Why do you ask?
Kyle: Cause i'm deep thinking today...y'know when ppl say profound things and go down in history. That's me.
VA: Last night my dreams were like cardboard.
Anna: HAVE FUN IN THE PIT OF DARKNESS!
Patience: Did you know... that your thithter doeth not live with you anymore? And I am your thithter?
Drew: How many questions do you ask?
Patience: Hundredth.
Patience: Athk me what I wath doing.
Drew: What were you doing?
Patience: I wath wearing thretchy pantth in my room.
Dan: O lifeguard! I can stand now! Perhaps I could help you?
Patience: *about William* He took hith shirt and pantth off, tho I got hith hat....
KB: So he wouldn't be naked?
Patience: Yeah.
Sarah: *as Genise and KB argue about something in the front seat* I should have ridden with Mom.
Comparing muscle definition at work:
Sarah: Look, I've got definition! I've got triceps! Sort of... see?!
Cam: *rubs his belly* Girls, I've got a whole dictionary right here. It's got all the definitions you could ever want!
Sarah: Guys, I saw a dead body yesterday.
JC: *horrified gasp* ALIVE???
After the swim lesson kids jump in the water:
Becca: How do y'all feel now?
Kid: Wefweshed!!
Anna: *looking at my book* Gaudy Night? So it's like, they're going into the night, and, hey look! A big truck is coming down the Givens' driveway!
Dan: Ha-ta-ta, my friend!
Chris: That was my angry walk, but you couldn't tell because I was in the water.
KB: *pulls VA's ponytail*
VA: You rang?
Driving by a field with field hands in it:
Anna: What?! I thought all the slaves were set free!
Eric: What?! You've never had a Beach Sheep?!
Patience: Did you know that Jeb putth hith tail up in the thummer and down in the winter?
VA: No, I never noticed that!
Patience: .................I wish I had a tail.
Robbie: I'm gonna take a shower tonight. It's gonna be So. Much. Fun.
Eric: I would like a houseduck.
KB: A houseduck? And where would you keep this duck?
Eric: *gives KB the eye*
KB: Yes, obviously in the house, but where specificially?
Eric: .......................................In the.... jungle.......
Anna: MOMMY!!! William's throwing DVDs at us!
Talking about [hypothetical] online dating:
Kyle: That works until you find out the girl you're talking to is actually a guy. Then it becomes awkward.
Kimberly: When I was younger I thought "ghost" was a really bad word... And I was THRILLED when we sang it in the Doxology.
Kid at the pool: Guess what we wewe doin' while evewyone else was swimmin'.
KB: What were you doing?
Kid: We wewe swimmin' in the play pawt. But then we had to come out and eat.
KB: What did you eat?
Kid: Oh, just all the snacks we bwought.
KB: Oh yeah? What snacks did you bring?
Kid: Oooohhhh, pwetzels, and cheese sticks, and an apple fow my bwothew Alex. *confidentially* He's on a little diet.
KB: Who's the one in the green swim suit?
Kid: Call it a bathing soup.
Kid: Dat's my bwothew Nicholas. He's biggew dan me even though he's fouw and I'm five. *thinks* And how old would you be............ wight now?
KB: *dies* I would be twenty-one right now.
Kid: *confidentially* My mom is in hew THIWTIES!
KB: And what's your name?
Kid: *happy/embarrassed squiggle* Zachawyyyyyyy.....................
Alec: Hey, Mrs. Groover, would it be ok if, after we finish shooting, I wash your dog?
She said this lisping, but it wouldn't get the whole point across:
Patience: Hi sin!
KB: What?!
Patience: *tone of great condemnation* A SIN!!!
After passing a squished frog on the driveway:
Anna: It seems like a lot more frogs are getting stupid.
KB: Joy said there was a tornado in her town and it ate Wal-Mart.
Mommy: It's the judgment of God.
KB: *bewildered pause* On WAL-MART?
Mommy: Yep.
Jesse: Come on, William! Let's sit here and... observe the ladies.
William: A-you a-leh me poke yeewww!
William: A-you a-give me my thword! Thwordie.
Patience: *comes up while I'm reading Physics* Here ith dirt, and water, and the thtraw. *hands me invisible items*
KB: *absentmindedly pretends to slurp it up* Oh, tasty. *goes back to reading*
Patience: *says something but isn't heard because I'm studying*
KB: *realizes she's talking* Sorry, what?
Patience: You were THUPPOTHED to make a BRICK. You ATE the BRICK.
Before a "show":
Patience: I want to announthe thomething!
Us: Yes?
Patience: There will be NO food or drinkth. Or hamburgerth.
Rebecca: Mommy, Anna called me stupid!
Mommy: Anna, you know better than that.
Anna: Well I wanted to throw something hard at her but I knew I wouldn't get away with it!
VA: Hey guess what. I did a chin-up! *as KB laughs* Well, sort of.
Patience: My omelet will be WONDERFUL!
Five minutes later:
Patience: *crying* BUT MOMMY! I CAN'T CUT IT! I HAVE TO UTHE MY WHOLE THTRENGTH TO CUT IT AND I DON'T WANT TO UTHE MY WHOLE THRENGTH TO CUT IT! I HAVE TO UTHE MY WHOLE THTRENGTH AND I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!
KB: Patience, you have no pants on.
Patience: I know.
KB: Why do you have no pants on?
Patience: Well, I had them on, but I took them off becauthe when I bent my knee I felt like I wath going to get a rash and it hurt really bad.
Anna: You know the best thing about people?
KB: What?
Anna: They can READ. And reading means whoa! A happy life!
Anna: *playing cards* Life cannot get better than this! Or CAN it?
KB: Are you going to look at any OTHER schools?
Jesse: I should... what would you recommend?
KB: I ALREADY recommended State. And State has a swing club!
Jesse: I'm sure Grove City has a bunch of swing clubs.
KB: YEAH, but if you went to State, you could take ME.
Jesse: That would take away all the appeal of going to State.
Kyle: but so what? I'm still a rockstar
KB: got your rock moves?
Kyle: yes, somewhere
Kyle: I thnk they're in my other jeans
Kyle: I knew someone who moved to wyoming
Kyle: so it exists I believe
Kyle: if you go to the beach of NC
Kyle: look out to sea (east ofc)
Kyle: you'll see bermuda
Kyle: weather permitting of course
KB: gotcha
KB: yes
KB: lol
Kyle: the weather has never permitted me to see if :-/
KB: Patience, STOP. That is not necessary.
Patience: YOU'RE not nethethary.
KB: Your face isn't necessary.
Patience: Your mom ithn't nethethary.
Kyle: Wanna fight?
Driving by a guy in a car:
VA: Is that guy smoking a cigar?
KB: Where?
VA: There... oh, he has his hand down now... we'll have to wait for him to hold it up again.
KB: Oh, I thought he was gonna just then....
VA: Yeah... close, but no cigar.
Anna: William, say, "The WICKED and the goooooooooooood!"
William: A weecked an' a dude!
William: *runs around in his diaper* Ah I indethent, wight?
In calculus class:
Josh: So why was that same kind of problem so much harder yesterday?
Mr. Turner: Well, that's mostly because I can't do arithmetic.
John: Is your life fulfilled?
KB: Is my life what?
John: Fulfilled.
KB: I..... don't even.... I.... I don't even know how to answer that. Is it fulfilled in WHAT? You didn't give it an object to fulfill.
John: ..............I'm going to take that as a yes. I'm going to take that as a yes so I don't have to question you anymore.
VA: *furrowing brows*
KB: YOU... look confused.
VA: ...........I think I am confused.
John: I think I am too.
Daddy: Hey. *smacks me with the fly-swatter*
Kyle: dude
Kyle: I was planning to go to the mall this weekend
Kyle: to get a hat
Kyle: because I am coveting a hat
KB: hahaha
Kyle: and I'm coveting the whole mall
Daddy: Do you think the Scott's Toilet Tissue overwrap would be good to wrap things in?
KB: Uh, no? What are you wrapping?
Daddy: Well I haven't YET....
Kyle: Speaking of tired
Kyle: that is a description of myself
Kyle: so I'm going to leave
Kyle: and take 45 winks
KB: alrighty
KB: dont' take 'em all, I need a few
Kyle: 5 more than the average person normally winks
KB: Children! Stop!
William: Cheewun! Top!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
I would like a dozen Candied Octopodes
Lifeguarding's a funny thing. When it rains, we still have to sit out in our stands and watch the crazy people who swim in the cold and the wet. Unless of course it rains too hard, and then we close the pool. I never liked swimming in the rain because I got wet, but that could just be me. Apparently none of the swimmers share my opinion.
If it rains too hard for us to see the bottom of the pool, it's time to go. If it lightnings it's time to go. If it thunders it's time to go.
There's only so much we can do when it thunders. We can only clean so much stuff for so long. Today we were closed for two and a half hours. Everything was clean, all the extra guards were sent home, and everyone was tired of doing whatever they'd done for the first hour.
So Jack and I went to the Fun House and borrowed their Candy Land.
Man, I haven't played Candy Land in years. It's pretty hard to beat. You can't really go wrong with Candy Land. It's a pretty intense little kids game, what with the Gingerbread Man card and doubles and candy bridges and stuff like that. Riley beat both me and Jack soundly.
I remember playing Candy Land as a kid. I used to play it with Mommy pretty frequently, I think. Virginia threw away ours recently because it was coming apart and missing most of the pieces. We need to get a new one for the girls and William so they can have that essential piece of childhood too.
Today Marcus asked us how you play Candy Land. I said, "Have you never played Candy Land?!" and Jack said, "What kind of a child WERE you?"
***
Other news that must be shared: Hana and I learned (after having a conversation about octopi [wince] that I will not repeat) that the plural of "octopus" is not actually "octopi."
I wondered where the word "octopus" came from anyway, since I assumed the word didn't mean "eight cats," and Googled "etymology of octopus." I learned from the Online Etymology Dictionary, which is a very cool site that I never knew existed, that "octopus" is actually from Greek roots, not Latin, and that "pous" means "foot." Reading further informed me that, "Proper plural is octopodes, though octopuses probably works better in English. Octopi is from mistaken assumption that -us is the L. noun ending that takes -i in plural."
Octopodes? Really? I feel so freaking enlightened right now.
I told Devon the other day that we should have a Factual Aquatic Life Day sometime, in which we fill our eight-legged octopus (The other octopodes have unconventional numbers of pouses. Podes?) with ink. He said that I would want to fill an octopus with ink. Just wait until I tell him they're really octopodes.
Octopodes. Heh heh. What a cool word. Octopodes. Sheesh.
My podes are tired and spitting ink, so I'll see you cats later.
(Get it? See? Cats? Sea cats? Sea kittens? Oh, just go read the article. Ridiculous.)
Don't you just love it when you think I'm leaving and I give you something else to do?
Don't you just love it when I end my posts with open-ended questions?
If it rains too hard for us to see the bottom of the pool, it's time to go. If it lightnings it's time to go. If it thunders it's time to go.
There's only so much we can do when it thunders. We can only clean so much stuff for so long. Today we were closed for two and a half hours. Everything was clean, all the extra guards were sent home, and everyone was tired of doing whatever they'd done for the first hour.
So Jack and I went to the Fun House and borrowed their Candy Land.
Man, I haven't played Candy Land in years. It's pretty hard to beat. You can't really go wrong with Candy Land. It's a pretty intense little kids game, what with the Gingerbread Man card and doubles and candy bridges and stuff like that. Riley beat both me and Jack soundly.
I remember playing Candy Land as a kid. I used to play it with Mommy pretty frequently, I think. Virginia threw away ours recently because it was coming apart and missing most of the pieces. We need to get a new one for the girls and William so they can have that essential piece of childhood too.
Today Marcus asked us how you play Candy Land. I said, "Have you never played Candy Land?!" and Jack said, "What kind of a child WERE you?"
***
Other news that must be shared: Hana and I learned (after having a conversation about octopi [wince] that I will not repeat) that the plural of "octopus" is not actually "octopi."
I wondered where the word "octopus" came from anyway, since I assumed the word didn't mean "eight cats," and Googled "etymology of octopus." I learned from the Online Etymology Dictionary, which is a very cool site that I never knew existed, that "octopus" is actually from Greek roots, not Latin, and that "pous" means "foot." Reading further informed me that, "Proper plural is octopodes, though octopuses probably works better in English. Octopi is from mistaken assumption that -us is the L. noun ending that takes -i in plural."
Octopodes? Really? I feel so freaking enlightened right now.
I told Devon the other day that we should have a Factual Aquatic Life Day sometime, in which we fill our eight-legged octopus (The other octopodes have unconventional numbers of pouses. Podes?) with ink. He said that I would want to fill an octopus with ink. Just wait until I tell him they're really octopodes.
Octopodes. Heh heh. What a cool word. Octopodes. Sheesh.
My podes are tired and spitting ink, so I'll see you cats later.
(Get it? See? Cats? Sea cats? Sea kittens? Oh, just go read the article. Ridiculous.)
Don't you just love it when you think I'm leaving and I give you something else to do?
Don't you just love it when I end my posts with open-ended questions?
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
The Oblivion of Parenthood - OR - What Daddy Did
It was my 21st birthday. We were going bowling, because it is the height of legality and pure orneriness. Oh, and it's way more fun than drinking.
Hana had to be at work by some specific time, and it was late, so after making sure it was ok, the two of us hopped in her car to drive to the bowling alley. We hoped that the family would be there soon after us so we wouldn't have to wait too long.
Well we got there just fine, and had a great time goofing off in the car and talking about things like socks and coworkers, but there's only so long you can goof off in a hot car without wishing you could get out. It was pretty hot in the car, but it was even hotter outside the car, so there was no way we were gonna get out before the family got there.
So I called Daddy's cell phone to see how close they were.
"Ring ring," went the phone.
"Helloooo?" said Daddy.
I wondered why he sounded so tentative, but I let it go.
"Password greeting removed for security reasons," I said.
"Password response removed for security reasons," said Daddy.
(The only reason Hana can hear the password is because we're the same person. If she were to use the password, though, I would have something to say. We're only SORT of the same person.)
"Oh good, it is you," I said, reassured.
"Yeeessss......" said Daddy.
"Where are you?" I asked.
"I'm... in the driver's seat..." said Daddy.
"I know that," I said, "But where are you? How far away are you?"
"Um, probably ten minutes... where are you?" said Daddy, sounding more confused by the second.
"Um, I'm with Hana... we're waiting for you... why?" Now I was getting confused.
"Oh!" said Daddy. "I thought you were with us!"
Hana and I died.
"All this time you thought we were with you?!" I said, as Hana and I shrieked with laughter.
"Yeah!" said Daddy. "I was wondering why it was so quiet. I thought you were hiding behind the seat or something. I've been looking in the mirror trying to see you."
Usually my family counts everyone before we leave. There are so many of us that we have to make sure we're not leaving anyone behind. I'm not sure what happened, but apparently nobody got counted that day, and Daddy left, thinking all the time that Hana and I were in the van, hiding behind the seats.
Maybe I should ask him how he thought we could FIT behind the seats.
Hana had to be at work by some specific time, and it was late, so after making sure it was ok, the two of us hopped in her car to drive to the bowling alley. We hoped that the family would be there soon after us so we wouldn't have to wait too long.
Well we got there just fine, and had a great time goofing off in the car and talking about things like socks and coworkers, but there's only so long you can goof off in a hot car without wishing you could get out. It was pretty hot in the car, but it was even hotter outside the car, so there was no way we were gonna get out before the family got there.
So I called Daddy's cell phone to see how close they were.
"Ring ring," went the phone.
"Helloooo?" said Daddy.
I wondered why he sounded so tentative, but I let it go.
"Password greeting removed for security reasons," I said.
"Password response removed for security reasons," said Daddy.
(The only reason Hana can hear the password is because we're the same person. If she were to use the password, though, I would have something to say. We're only SORT of the same person.)
"Oh good, it is you," I said, reassured.
"Yeeessss......" said Daddy.
"Where are you?" I asked.
"I'm... in the driver's seat..." said Daddy.
"I know that," I said, "But where are you? How far away are you?"
"Um, probably ten minutes... where are you?" said Daddy, sounding more confused by the second.
"Um, I'm with Hana... we're waiting for you... why?" Now I was getting confused.
"Oh!" said Daddy. "I thought you were with us!"
Hana and I died.
"All this time you thought we were with you?!" I said, as Hana and I shrieked with laughter.
"Yeah!" said Daddy. "I was wondering why it was so quiet. I thought you were hiding behind the seat or something. I've been looking in the mirror trying to see you."
Usually my family counts everyone before we leave. There are so many of us that we have to make sure we're not leaving anyone behind. I'm not sure what happened, but apparently nobody got counted that day, and Daddy left, thinking all the time that Hana and I were in the van, hiding behind the seats.
Maybe I should ask him how he thought we could FIT behind the seats.
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