Quotables!

Remember when I wrote other stuff on this blog that one time?

***

Pat: Where are they, you worm? I mean that in the kindest way.

Becca: I didn’t write that page in my life yet. Are you reading ahead??

Becca: I started this beer and I don’t think I can finish it. I’m a disgrace. A failure. You may begin the shunning rituals

Rebecca: Apparently I look like a potato today. I don’t think that’s the most complimentary thing a father has ever told his daughter.

KB: How do you look like a potato?? Email pictures!

Rebecca: I’m not sure. He just said I had a strange look today, so I asked how and he said I looked like a potato with hair, but I don’t THINK I look any different.

KB: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. What are you wearing?!

Rebecca: My shirt from the 5k and pink striped pajama pants.

I just took a selfie to see if I did and I guess I kind of do, but no more than usual.

I just asked Maggie if I look like a potato and as she was saying no, Daddy chimed in “yes, you do, you look like a potato!”

Later:

KB: You’re telling your daughter she looks like a potato. How do you live with yourself?

Dad: She was wrapped up like a potato, with eyes. Fully justified.

Mike D: Katie Beth.

KB: Yes.

Mike D: Jess has a picture at her desk, of you and her. I have never seen so much paleness in one picture in my life.

Alex: I had a dream that i got arrested for loitering in a parking lot and then i was illegally searched and they planted a huge bag of drugs on me i broke away and insighted a riot in the harris teeter parkinglot, it was all very stressful

KB: You know, someone out there oughta be all kinds of grateful that you and I have done more than our fair share of puking and saved them all that trouble.

Hana: Like Michael. He’s only thrown up a handful of times.

KB: What’s that even like?

Hana: Bliss apparently.

Trying to celebrate a foosball point

David: You’re in my dance path.

Alex: So evidently it’s now a popular fad for girls to bleach their skin with lightening creams… I would like you to jump on the band wagon this one time just so I can see if your skin will become translucent

KB: I will not do that because we both know my skin would turn translucent!

Alex: But it would be soooooo cool!!

KB: No!

Alex: Ugh! You are so selfish!

Rebecca: We should start a Groover Museum of Lovelorn Youths, because even Anna has started collecting them.

Becca: If only we didn’t grow hair

But I mean I guess I like my eyebrows

William: Ooo, look, a talking what's-it-called!

William: You get to drink beer at work?! Luckyyyy... I don't get to drink beer while I do my chores.

William: Is that music coming from that car?

KB: Yep. That's the ice cream truck. The very creepy ice cream truck....

William: *matter-of-factly* Ice cream trucks are the kidnappers.

KB: Who’s feeding Fluphea this week?

VA: Josiah. They hired him to feed the animals. He is huge.

KB: And yet so small.

VA: And yet still poops in the wrong corner.

KB: …………………………………………………..*realization* I thought we were talking about Josiah.

Becca sends Erin an article about shark attacks

Becca: I can’t ever go back to the beach.

Erin: WHAT???

No.

No.

No.

We will play in the little tide pools

I can push water at you and you can act like it’s a wave

Becca: “BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” From me and KB

Erin: Does that mean I can make quoteables again????

Discussing Rachael’s involvement in the Jewish Olympics

KB: You’re not even Jewish!

Mike D: You celebrate Christmas!

Rachael: I celebrate both! I’m special.

Pat: They have Olympics for that too.

KB: You didn’t give me advice! I was forced to decide alone!
Becca: I gave you advice in my head because I’m an introvert. I forgot to text it

Becca: I started this beer and now I don't want it. Does that ever happen to you?

KB: Yep.

Becca: OH good. I thought I was like a for real loser.

Becca: What have you done! Now I want chikfila

KB: I'm sorry!!!

Becca: It's okay

Pat: Oh, [customer], why must you end my days in torment?

Regarding Alex’s and Eric’s plan to duel over me when we're all single at 40, and my inevitable refusal to marry either of them

Alex: The only woman who has two men duel over her and stays single.

Becca, on vacation

Becca: No one grades my burps and I feel so...forgotten

KB: STUPID NON-WEDGIE UNDERPANTS

Hana: Never trust underpants.

KB: Lauren, I left four dollars on the table by your chocolate, for the battery

Becca: Lauren, I stole four dollars on the table by your chocolate, for the battery

The post-credits scenes in Ant-Man

David: I thought they were going to reveal that the Russian guy was faking his accent the whole time.

Becca: Something is biting me

KB: Is it a tiger???

Becca: No, bigger probably

KB: Oh. Wow. Hm.

Becca: I mean it leaves tiny marks but im sure it’s the size of a centaur

KB: Are centaurs bigger than tigers?

Becca: On Hercules they are

KB: Hm, true.

Becca: Hercules is very accurate

Concernedly, to Rachael

Mike M: What did you say while you were eating a carrot?

KB: Did yall get your back-to-school shots?

Becca: No! Dangit, I bet I have SIDS.

KB: Did you need me for something else or can I go stab my eyes out?

Shawn: That was it. Stab away.

Becca: I’m going to crawl under my bed and die. If it smells funny, I’m sorry

KB: Thanks for the heads up!

Becca: No prob Bob

Lauren: I’ll find a place to bury you. Closets are way better for hiding in though...or attics

KB: We don’t have an attic

Lauren: Crawl space

Becca: Spiders. Ew.

KB: Also no crawl space. Autocorrect tried to make that camel space, which would definitely be interesting. Would you be ok sharing your dying hole with a camel?

Becca: As long as he doesn’t drink all my water

KB: I thought you were trying to die. Commit, woman!

Becca: I might decide I’m thirsty while I’m working hard to die!!!!

How Becca’s compliments turn out when she’s tired

Becca, sleepily, from her room down the hall: I have little desire to hang out with you… but I have more desire to stay in bed.

Alex: I think the only thing better than eating pork would be if you could eat a fresh baby.

KB: Great pictures! Was I supposed to do something with them?

Dad: Just look at them with awe and wonder.

KB: I should only have eaten half that piece of cake. Oh my word.

Becca: I wish I could have eaten the other half. I cannot lie.

KB: ME TOO. That would solve so many problems. I could have texted it to you.

Becca: You could have. But I was working. So it would have opened in my purse and made a huge mess.

KB: That’s why you should lock your phone

KB: Julia’s like passed out over here.

Julia, from the depths of her pillow: I shall arise again.

KB: I ran the yellow so I could make the sermon more personal.

Julia: Christian driving: keeping theology personal

Mom: Have a good trip, if I don’t talk to you before then.

KB: May I have a good trip even if you do?

Mom: It’ll probably be better if you talk to me.

Dad: *heavy sigh* Patience is chasing William with a jar of creamy peanut butter.

KB: ...Is it working?

Dad: It seems to be effective. Apparently he likes crunchy peanut butter. Creamy peanut butter is an offense to his senses.

Quotables!

Sometimes I consider taking certain conversations out of Quotables, but then it just never happens.

***

Laura: My day has basically consisted of letting the kids run wild while I eat chips and salsa.

Becca: Oh! We could watch this documentary about artifacts, photographs and journals tell the story of 350 American GI's who were held at Berga, a secretive Nazi concentration camp!

Erin: Oh we could! We just need milkshakes and we'll be DONE!

Erin: I've hugged many a child.

Lauren: Do you wanna try that again?

Becca: THAT IS EXACTLY WHY IT’S BANNED!

Becca: Are you ready to try again? You're clearly not.

Erin: But I HAVE hugged many a child!!!

Normal roommate conversations

Becca: Pee. I must. Before shower. I also have three blankets on. It's perfect.

KB: But how will you pee if you're so cozy? I still have to take my contacts out and stuff before I shower, so you can pee now or later.

Becca: Lol I'm ready to pee at any time. You just let me know when. Also, I'm bringing all my blankets with me.

KB: Potty's free! I wish I could watch you try to navigate your blankets and that that wish weren't so creepy.

Becca: Showers free! And you wouldn't be a good roommate if you didn't have creepy wishes of seeing me pee with blankets.

Leaving church

Rebecca: Maggie is driving. This is kind of scary.

KB: good luck... when will you be home?

Rebecca: probably Tuesday.

KB: Are you gonna turn into a foodie? Cuz I don’t know if I can live with a foodie.

Becca: What?! I don’t know what a foodie is. But I DO know that YOU have more FOODIE than anyone in this house! If anyone’s a foodie it’s you! Of ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD to ask me that….

KB: Should I buy food? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

Becca: Well you need probs more nourishment than beans

Becca: Will you peoples be around saturday around noon??

KB: Not me, I’ll be teaching. Wherefore?

Becca: Prayer partna might come here fore art thou….my Shakespeare is rusty…

KB: Thou totally just rockedest Shakespeare

Becca: Thy heart flutters with bliss

KB: I forgot to take my sausage and bacon out to thaw this morning. Woe is me.

Becca: My heart does not fluttereth

Becca: So one of your curly hairs came into my room earlier.

KB: What, all by itself? It just bounced in like doink doink doink?

Becca: Yeah, all by itself. And I haven't shaved in a while so I was lifting up my pant leg to see how long my hair was--

KB: AND YOU HAD A LEG HAIR THAT WAS LIKE THREE FEET LONG.

Becca: UH HUH!

Genise: ARRRGGHHHHH. I just wanna light them all on fire and be done with it!...................... THE PAPERS, NOT THE KIDS.

I overhear a conversation in the morning

KB: Mike, what did you say?

Mike: *unintelligible*

KB: WHAT?

Mike: CONVERTING… what did you think I said?

KB: Oohh. Well it sound like Kelly said, “Hi Mike, you’re so cute,” and then you said, “Tim Burton,” but then I thought that either of those things couldn’t really have been said….

Mike: WOULD YOU WAKE UP PLEASE.

KB: Where are your clothes?

William: Not on me!

Looking at an old bathroom cabinet

Mom: Ugh, that looks awful!

KB: It just looks distressed. It’s vintage!

Mom: It’s making ME distressed.

I get several texts full of ?’s and @’s

Laura: Heh, that would be Marcus. Don’t know if that came through but it consisted mostly of recycling symbols and lightbulbs. Poor kid, it’s the closest thing he has to video games.

Laura: Vinnie saw a sign for “Stressed-out Superwoman Support Group.” I think we should go.

The bunny runs under the bed

William: Well, while you’re waiting for Fluffy to come out, I guess you could give me a hug, if you want.

Becca: THIS IS THE NICEST GROCERY STORE IVE EVER BEEN IN. IT SMELLS LIKE HEAVEN

Becca: My tea bags have nice inspiration quotes on them. Today mine says “every smile is an achievement” Im going to go and smile 100 times a day so ill be very successful

Becca: I just want you to know I love the word “applicable.” I’m gonna use it in everything.

KB: Everything, huh?

Becca: Well not everything… just when I talk.

Alex: She’s clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed. I almost said the sharpest pea in the pod.

Maggie: What kind of disorder does a person have if they’re not very likeable?

Rebecca: I passed my phone earlier and noticed that I had a text from Mommy, so I asked when she was even out today, and she said never, so I asked why she texted me, and she said “because I was in my room.”

Becca: I don't know how she doesn't fall off that thing she's sitting on when she's sleeping.

KB: Bird skills, man.

Becca: I need some.

Alex: Just dropped my phone into a pot of boiling water, but it’s alright.

Regarding Becca’s dieting success

KB: Dude… that’s fantastic. I can absolutely support that and help you out by drinking all the vodka myself.

Becca: Lol yes! This is a grade A symbiotic relationship

KB: Massive headache and I think I have a lung tumor.

Becca: Bahahah, this diagnosis is obviously so on point

Excuse me, on fleek.

Becca: Today was… just wow.

KB: Is that a good wow or a bad wow? I kind of think it was a bad wow…?

Becca: It’s like a middle wow

Luis and I are both in the hospital

KB: Trade??

Luis: Haha. I’ll think about it.

KB: There’s a finger puppet and a penguin picture involved.

Luis: I’ve seen that on Facebook. It’s very tempting.

Alex: My tummy feels like an imploding star

Becca: Ahhhhh!!!!!

KB: Dreams. Also good morning?

Becca: No. That’s my reaction to all ten year olds

KB: I thought it might be.

Becca: The earth is overpopulated. I’m probably going to talk to God today about their need for existence

KB: Let me know what God says about the existence of 10 year olds.

Becca: Oh, I will. Don’t you worry. I feel it’ll benefit Lauren also so I’ll probably just call a meeting to discuss my findings

Later

KB: What did God say about ten year olds?

Becca: Their existence is unnecessary but my spiritual gift is not to get rid of them so I need to shut my mouth.

KB: Hurting again today. Frustrated.

Becca: Chest?

KB: Back.

Becca: That’s no good. You warn that back we’ll be having a stern talk when it gets home

KB: It’s gonna be nervous all day now!

Becca: Good. It better be on its best behavior. I’m not one to be messed with

Rachael: Pat makes noises just like I do!

KB: Rachael, no one makes noises quite like you do.

Rachael: Pat comes close.

Pat: I come close to the noises you make? Wow. I need supervision.

Becca’s post-workout hair

Becca: I need someone to smell it to tell me how gross I smell Bahah

KB: Lol! I love you but I have limits.

Becca: lol it’s a simple hug and sniff

KB: Have you ever seen that poopurri commercial with the ginger in the blue dress sitting on the toilet?

Becca: Yeah?

KB: That's what I felt like just now.

Becca: PLEASE have my permission to put that in quotables.

I tell Rebecca I need fabric to cover my portfolio table

Maggie: Why would she need to cover it?

Rebecca: So it won’t be embarrassed!

Maggie: Why would it be embarrassed?

Rebecca:Wouldn’t you be embarrassed if you were naked at a portfolio show?

Maggie: Well, yes.

KB: Before you fall asleep I would like to release something that's been in the back if my mind for days. I'm not that concerned about it but I feel like if I don't say it out loud I may become so.

Becca: Okay, do you need to do it in person?

KB: Oh no, I was just gonna say it via text and use extra exclamation points and question marks. And maybe some capital letters if they come upon me suddenly.

Becca: I just put a shirt on for you. Waste.

Pat: I want someone to take over my email for about forty-seven days.

KB: Sounds awesome.

Joe: I think you meant "reads awesome"

KB: I read it out loud to myself to make sure I was being truthful.

Joe: This is why you have been a true adversary all these years

KB: But what if you WERE named Dr. Pookums?

William: *angry sounds*

KB: But what if you WERE? I'm just ASKING.

William: I'D QUIT!

William: *gently touches my face* Oh! Your cheeks are different than mine.

Following a conversation about eating with no hands, Patience begins eating her brownie with no hands

Daddy, sternly: Patience! Stop that!

Wondering stares from everyone

Daddy: That's Jesse’s piece.

Patience: What should I paint with my--

Anna: Butt.

KB: You have a booger hanging out of your nose.

Anna: Oh! I was looking for that.

Becca: My entire room smells like a leo fart. -_-

KB: Ha. Mine smells like freshly cut grass. :-P

Becca: If you were my enemy I would shove Leo in your room and shut the door and trap you in there with him so he made your room stink too. But, alas, you are my friend.

KB: Thank goodness. His farts could kill a moose.

Becca: Precisely. I keep him around for hunting.